More On The Grabber

The playdate went very nice yesterday, much to my surprise as well as Bigdogg's and my neighborhood gal pals.

We recently gave Jackson his own room, prior he was sharing with Sullivan for bondmenship, but being that he's 6 and we're lucky to have the room, we decided it was time to give him his own space. With all of Jackson's Lego's, the perfect place to create isn't in the basement, family room, dining room, or zen room, but his room. Now he'll be able to sit privately and peacefully at his Lego's table/desk and create his magical wonders.

Perhaps that was a bit helpful during the playdate yesterday, the two boys were able to close Jack's door, and not be "followed" around by Sullivan....

"What did you get for Christmas from Santa?" (That's me speaking to the child yesterday as they were raiding our fridge looking for a snack.)

"I got an archery set with my own arrows, with an outdoor board. The bow is so big!!"

"wow, "the child," that's a wonderful gift from Santa.." (that's me talking to him as I'm Thinking to myself, I feel for the little kitten his mom recently purchased for him at the humane society because he-"the child," was lonely.)

So, more on the mom.
"The Child's mom," owns her own law practice, and is either working or out with her friends. Matter of fact, "the child" and his "ass-grabber" dad accompanied our other friends from the next block to visit Santa. Meanwhile, mom was out with her girlfriends and wasn't too happy that husband and child went without her to see Santa.

Mom recently took "the child" along with her to New York over New Years without Dad to visit her friend. Maybe I'm old school, or odd because I enjoy being with my husband and children, but who celebrates New Years or Santa visits without their better halves? It boggles my mind, as well as our friends minds: "Kina, Stacy and Cathy"-all of whom live over on the next block along the same side of the street as the "ass-grabber."

Who celebrates New Years without their husband?
Who takes their child to see Santa without their wife?
Who gets a vasectomy because he can't stand the fact that his little 6month old is diagnosed with Colic. (His words, not mine.)

I just don't get it, plan and simple.
I realize dynamics of families are different, and believe me I think that's a positive thing, it doesn't mean that I have to like the way other families parent, nor is it fair to judge them for those oddities, but I can express my frustration over the fact that regardless of those three Who's listed above, the fact of the matter is this:

The Family is just very very different.

They have no structure, and when they pick up "the child" from after school care so dad-the "ass-grabber" can work from home, as that's what he does, he works from home and cares for their very disrespectful 5 or 6 year old boy, he walks over to our home around 6pm and asks if Jackson could come over and play.

No structure-my feelings? In order to make life easier on parents, it's important to teach routine, structure, some level of guidelines to prepare them slowly for the ever structured way of living. Yes, it's okay to have wanderlust, and yes it's okay to bend rules, to have a mental health day, yadah yadah, but all the time? I know, I know, I sound like an old school fart, but to me education is sooooooo important. To me it's best to get my boys in the mindset that school is important no matter what grade.
That TV will not run our home, but rather, books and music, art and imagination.
That when it's dark out, and you're 6 years old, and it's a school night, you're not going to go over to some friends house and get riled up only to come home cranky because you didn't want to leave, therefore making bedtime much more difficult and creating a cranky tired child for school the next day.

Yes, things will change when they grow older, but to me, to Bigdogg and I, education is going to be taught in this house as a privilege, as something to respect. The teachings that are given to you by caring people must be accepted with a fresh mind, to learn the fresh ideas that will put our children one step closer to gaining their own personal goals within the school walls.

Now, this dad will just "show up," at our door after having his son gone at school, and then in after school care until around 5:45, and THEN he comes here asking if my son can come over to play, or if his son could come in and play?

umm, what about dinner?
We're not on Summer break here, and again, I realize it's "only Kindergarten," but come on people, maybe part of the issue with this family is the fact that they have no routine.

I'm certain it's not easy with mom gone all the time working and running her law firm. But when she has an opportunity to go out every Friday, every other Saturday, and on weekdays to have dinner with friends, personally? She should be home with her child.

Here's my Crustybeef idea on this family:

1. The dad is in over his head, he has no tolerance for being bothered by his son, and that's one of the reasons they bought him a kitten, and are constantly asking kids to come over to play and vice versa. So that dad doesn't have to be bothered with his rather hectic child. He dropped him off at our neighbors Christmas gathering a few weeks back so he could go to another Christmas party. His wife didn't even go with him, she was out with her friends, and when they made mention of who would be picking him back up, and what time, when the time came for "the child" to be picked up, not a phone call, or an arrival. The time was 8:30. "Ass grabber picked up his son after 10:30pm.

2. I think dad is extremely unhappy, and has a drinking problem.

3. I think Dad was damaged mentally back when he was in the army, it's still no excuse for whatever his behavior is with his child, and I don't want to find out the reasons, frankly it's none of my business, but I'm sure there is more there, in regards to that time in his life.

4. I think Dad is really really depressed. I guess he had quit smoking about a year ago to train for the marathon, only to blow out his hip. We all are given challenges, unfortunately they can at times break us, and how we react and manage is up to us. We've all fallen, we've all crumbled at some point in our life, how it impacts us is one thing, but how we allow it to impact our children is another. The truth of the matter is this man needs help, and he's not giving himself the gift to use help. Shame on him.

5. This dad, this stay at home dad tries too hard to be liked, and it's difficult because we all have children in the same class, and grade for that matter, and I have this ache for the child. Regardless of how disrespectful he is, I have that annoying mindset to "pick up and rescue and fix." I know it's the wrong approach, but at least when "the child" is here, he's getting attention, he's seeing structure (we have to with three boys 6 and under!!) and he's able to witness what respect is.

So, my issue is, how do I bring it to their attention without hurting their son's feelings, that I'm just not comfortable with my son going over there. There is only so many excuses one can use. As you guys all know, for someone that excelled 100% and beyond in my past sales ventures, when it comes time for social, I have a difficult time "saying no." Put me in a sales environment and you'll see an entire other side, but socially, I don't want feelings hurt. I'll use excuses as to why "today isn't a good day."

I can't sell out my friend "Stacy" for telling me about the gun, and I don't know what type of gun it is, but I don't give a damn if it's just a bb gun, that can still do damage, and a 6 year old child should NOT be aware of any type of "gun" in his fathers home.

I can't sell her out and tell the assgrabbing dad that I am not comfortable having a child in my home that walks up to adults -Stacy- and whacks her on the back of the tush for no reason.
WHO DOES THAT? According to Dad's response when Stacy informed him of what the child did, he, the dad says, "oh, well, him and "mom" play that all the time, I'll have to have a talk with him, I don't know why he'd do that.."

Sure...

I can't talk to "ass-grabbers" wife about her husband, how insulting would that be? Obviously the family wasn't invited to the New Years bash, but we didn't want any scenes, and we weren't sure how "ass-grabber" would react with his drinks when his wife and son were gone in New York. I know, I know, just avoid them, right? It's not my place to tell the wife how to run her family. I'm not their therapist, nor lawyer, or mediator. I can't tell her that I'm sorry but, your husband makes me feel terribly uncomfortable, and that I can't allow her son to play with my son at their house because of the lack of social skills that the father has.

I dread after school only because if Dad hawkeyes any one of us moms out walking our children home, the first thing he wants is for "someone to come over and play with "the child." *(or vice versa)

I have it in my gut that something is off. I've witnessed the tickling and his fingers are so intense with the children, he's too rough with them. His child has everything in the world, remember he's the one with the tree house and rope pulley to his bedroom window. A built in desk in his room to shelve his large TV and a perfect storage bin for all of his video games.

In spite of the fact that they have no monitoring over what they allow their son to watch on TV, or play on his video game system, there is something off.

In spite of the fact that the dad is clearly annoyed that he got "stuck" with the responsibility of raising their only child basically alone so mom can go off and have social hours with her friends, there is something more there.

It's obvious thru the way "the child" plays or rather, interacts with other children:

THE CHILD: "You be the dog and sit down on your knee's and whine for me to come get you..."

A lovely Child: "Okay!..whimper, whimper.."

THE CHILD: "NO! You're a BAD DOG, I don't LOVE You anymore, You went to the bathroom on the floor, You're BAD BAD and I don't LOVE YOU!"

A lovely Child: {{{looking up at "The child" as if thinking, this isn't what I signed up for in interactive role play..}}}

THE CHILD: (instructing a lovely child in what to do, he tells the lovely playmate to bow his head and be sad that he's in trouble..)

The lovely child does what "THE CHILD" asks of him.

The CHILD: (crouching down to the lovely child that is acting like the dog as THE CHILD is playing his owner) "it's okay, I love you, (as he pats the pseudo dog on his head) don't worry, I won't yell at you ever again..

Upon request to do a role reversal as "THE CHILD" being the dog and "a lovely child" playing the owner, this aggressive boy wouldn't switch.
This boy demands control, and uses material objects of his own to try and control the situation with other children. Remember that post I had over the summer with the boy and the football? this is the same child..( I'll try and find it and link it here after posting....)

What disturbs me with this was that I witnessed it in my front yard with "THE CHILD" and my son, Jackson. I witnessed this aggressive boy create this game, and saw how he just belittled the pseudo puppy, only to turn around and show over sappy compassion after the scolding had been played out. Naturally when I interfered and told the child that "this isn't a very pleasant game, that unless he wanted to play fair and switch being owner and puppy, that they weren't allowed to play that type of game in my house anymore, or yard for that matter.." he walked away from me without a nod, and found something else to do.

It was so much easier having toddlers because all of this growing up and interaction with the Coneheads is very difficult.

I read all of your comments on the previous post and I can't thank you enough. I will definitely look into picking up that book at my library, and will just go forward with the thought that I have to care for my family even if it means my son is sad because I won't allow constant playdates unless it's under my supervision.

My friend "Kina" has the strong approach that she doesn't give a damn if the dad feels ostracized, as she just won't allow her kids to play down there. The aggressive child can come to her house with a time limit as I did yesterday, but no way will you ever see her three down the block playing inside.

No matter what the obvious factor is this, there is no structure, the child has too much freedom, and they do a horrible job of keeping an eye on their one child. For that alone, it's not worth the risk.

Welcome TO Crustybeef~
Lets see if I can find that post about him over the summer now.

FYI~Things will return to normal on Monday with break over, and my routine can settle back into the norm as far as visiting and blogging.
I'm going to enjoy this last day of break with my boys, before Jackson returns to school on Monday.
Before I delve into a new wonder that soon I'll be able to talk about after the paper work is signed and sealed. :)

Past Work-pulp fiction style-Well, Sorta..

Writing a few of my past j.o.b's has me reflecting on all my past work experiences.
I don't know if I've had more diverse jobs than I have Cars.

Cars? I've had my fair share..not because I'm picky, but because regardless of my work history, any car I'd touch, would break. Something would. At least for the first 6 years of my driving life.

My first car I hadn't even had it 2 weeks, the title not even back from the Secretary of State yet, when on my way home from a friday night college visit at the age of 19, on a highway,
(I-88) around 12:30am, my car started smoking and then that was the end of that.
My first car, my 1984 Chevrolet 2.5L 4cyl Celebrity had died before it ever even lost it's new ownership mileage virginity, died, of a blown head gasket.

$1000 for that car GONE in 2weeks. DAMN IT!

The streak of badcars spewed into my used car dealership days.
I'd be returning from the auto auction-the owners of the dealership a Greek father and son operation. "Takanis...!" driving one of the vehicles that I had bid on, that my pseudo dad had bought, and BAMO, shit would happen to it. Engine failure.
One car at one point on 355North past Bolingbrook, IL, the car started spraying fire from the back of the tailpipe.

Now, remember, this was back in the day of, PRIMECO, no WAIT!! before PRIMECO, those BIG ass gray calculator sized dashboard of numbers, green digits, ugly ass phones. SO, to call them was expensive-if you had a phone. I had a phone, however irresponsible I was with it, but I had a phone in my name. At this age, it was before I'd left the hospital, just after I graduated HS-a year later. I graduated in 1993. This happened the year after-in January. SuPERBOWL SUNDAY. I think I was 19-I'd been at the hospital for just over a year including the study class.

At the age of 19, I was kicked out of my parents home. Basically, and I've written about it before, I was dating a rather controlling, abusive, older man-I dated started dating him at the age of 18. He was 25. NO ONE could stand him. I thought of him as amazing. My mind still not old enough to comprehend, to understand the impact of this volitale relationship. To sit and analyze it-didn't do that. I lived on impulse back than. Thinking back, that was pretty crazy, but had I NOT lived like that, it wouldn't have prepared me for how to raise sons. What I DON'T want my sons to do. Had I had a daughter, (I do have dreams about that as of late, and it's been, well, when I'm dreaming, I feel SO empty inside, so painfully depressed, like I was really missing something important. But when I wake, I don't want any of that. I don't WANT another child. But I still hold onto my barbies, my cabbage Path kid, and his generic cousin, my baby beans that doesn't talk. I see my young tween cousin (that I've written about before) and niece and my heart just melts. I listen to the song on my playlist, Martina McBride, and I just sob. I've just been weepy.)

WHeW! I'm tired. I don't think I'll spell check this bad boy, too tired.

Carrying on,
so, this man, was controlling, he was able to manipulate my mind. He had my mind controlled. He "made" me burn my childhood diaries because it had said who I had crushes on when I was in junior high. He made me throw them out. He said, "if you don't throw them in this dumpster now, I'll burn them." There we sat, in the now parking lot of a local town's train station, and I crying, stumbling outside of his gray Nissan Sentra automatic coupe throwing out my written memories that I had been writing in since I was in 3rd grade-GONE! I never got them back.

His ways of manipulation only made it worse for my family because I began doubting their word..it was a slippery slope from previous things nonrelative to this, but one more thing by their older daughter. When they have four other children to take care of and nurture..it's exhausting, I haven't experienced that (yet) and I can't imagine how they did that. My parents that is, raising us, and then having their oldest child, their daughter, begin to "act out."

This was just their max level. My ex began hitting me. First it was when he was drinking.
Then it was when we were arguing sober. Then it was because of my lack of sexual interest into him because naturally I was just broken. The twisted part was the only time I felt like "me" was when we were being intimate. After the hitting, I mean. Because he was SOOOOO Tender, and sooooooooooo sympathetic, it made my heart hurt. (One thing I've since learned not to be like after this experience) I felt like I had a place. Outside of my family (I've always been independent, I explored different types of friendships throughout highschool, in patterns. Not always easy for them, especially when I was hanging out with the "burn outs" as they were referred to back then. Probably now, too??

The problem was, everyone and their mother knew what was going on, but I'd deny it.
If I LOST him, I had alienated my friendships, my relationships with my parents was so toxic, I was so defiante. They'd had ENOUGH.

SO, one weekend, I lied, I was 19 and I lied to my parents. I had wanted to go with him to his company's holiday party down in the city. But I knew my parents would never let me spend the night. I didn't want to not go. I wanted to act "grown up." TO be around people that actually talk to me (come to find out it was strictly for that sick type of man that can only have girls that age because women his own age know better than to waste their time with this sick jag-off.

I lied. I told them I was going on a college visit with my former girl that was a friend (story another time, someday, maybe...) and her mom, but really I went with my boyfriend.
I got caught.

My parents found out. That was it. The lies, the denials, them seeing their daughter on a spiral staircase in toxic relationships, they'd had enough.
I was kicked out.
And that, was when, I moved into my ACS's home. My Aunt the one that I call sister, she's always meant so much to me.

Anyway, I really didn't touch on my past jobs, but I guess in a way I did touch on my past emotional works.

Welcome To Crustybeef~
Good evening to you all!

These Are The Moments...

"beep..beep..beep..beep..beep..beep..beep..beep..beep..beep..beep..."

Sounds of conversations off in the distance:

"What do you want to have for dinner tonight..?"
"What to eat for lunch.."
"What I forgot to pick up at the store before coming into work.."
"Trying to figure out time management with two childrens activities.."
"The annoyances of shuffling between soccer games and gymnastics.."

Conversations overheard in the background mean nothing to her now.

Foreign as if being spoken in different tongues.

"beep..beep..beep..beep..beep..beep..beep..beep..."

The noises a constant reminder of the hellish pathway she's found herself on.

"beep..beep..beep..beep..beep..beep..beep..beep..beep..."

Ever so silent clip clops "appear" down the glimmering sterile four squared hallway.

Fading sounds of voices and footsteps overpowered by the incessant sounds of the darkness now embracing her.

"beep..beep..beep..beep..beep..beep..beep..beep..beep..beep..."

Listening, hands clasped, eyes focused on one thing-

Rising and falling rising and falling rising and falling rising and falling...

The gateway of floods permanently soaking her soul

Flooding every part of her heart

How many more times will it break?

Over and over again the breaking tears a part her entire being-but she wills the pain away

Her soul, her heart, her life, living off the now prolific darkness that surrounds her

The rising and falling rising and falling...partners with the "beep..beep..beep..beep..beep..beep"

She prays

She cries

She wishes to transfer life into the darkness

She blankets this new path with tears far more intense than ever imagined.

She hopes for the chance to gaze again into the eyes of her unconditional love

A transfer of esprit, breath, entity, survival, something please, anything- into the inanimate object before her.

Rising falling rising falling rising falling...:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZtFOMKbrkkI



Welcome To Crustybeef~
It's hard, I understand, but the simplest solution is to just "PDWA!"
(PUT-DOWN-WALK-AWAY!!!)

BY THE WAY

Alright Gun Part Deux will be around later, I just wanted to add something quick.

Here goes; I no longer hold any respect for Alec Baldwin for the disturbing display of verbal abuse that he gave to his daughter.

I don't care how bad of a person you are, or what you've done, you DON'T talk to your children that way.

http://www.tmz.com/2007/04/19/alec-baldwins-threatening-message-to-daughter/

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
On the flip side, how in the heck did it get recorded like that?
I have to stop and think that could Kim Basinger be setting up her ex by using her daughter?

I sure hope not, because if that's the case, (even though I still don't respect Mr. Baldwin for his awfully abusive rant), his ex wife, if this was a set up, is just as guilty as he is. After all, you don't pit your daughter against your ex husband-her father. That to me is nothing more than mental abuse by act of pushing buttons.

Keep the matter of your own issues away from your children. That's just not healthy. Meet Ireland, the future ANNA NICOLE SMITH!

These individuals don't deserve the time of the day. Keep your personal life in circumstances like this to yourself. Why all the hatred? With all the other issues in the world, is there nothing left that we can feel proud about?

Definitely not from the actor in 3rd Rock, that's for sure.

Welcome to crustybeef~
Feels good to be on such a posting role.
I hope you've enjoyed it.
and BTW, No father should EVER talk to their child that way. To call his daughter a pig, with such venom in his words was shocking.