TWO POLITE PEAS

SULLIVAN: "MahhhhhhmmeeeeeeeeeEEEE, I had a bad dream last night,.."
MOMMY: "What'd you dream about Sullivan?"
SULLIVAN: "I dreamt that a gigantic Monster SNOWFLAKE tried eating me."
MOMMY: "Ohh, my Sulli bulli, that's awful, what happened when he tried to eat you?"
SULLIVAN: "I told him, Please will you may stop eating me now?"
MOMMY: "What a fantastic idea, what did he do after you asked him to stop eating you?"
SULLIVAN: "He didn't listen to me, it was really annoying, super duper DUPER annoying. And it was dark in there too...so I couldn't see what his insides looked like..."

Well, at least he said Please, right? You gotta give my little one a smidge of credit, that at least he's moderately urbane during his dream state. Plus now he knows how caustic it is to be ignored.

That said,....
He has been DRIVING ME UP A WALL LATELY! His voice ever so high pitched and squeaky, he sounds like a 79 year old Jewish Grandma from the heart of Brooklyn, no offense.
He's cutting his naps short, I mean, really short.
He's been extra naughty.
Extra Disruptive.
He's cost me a "few strands" of hair follicles on top of my own head of soon to be dyed back to blond, head of hair.


He's in some funky growth period, and whereas some would probably say to me, "Stop making excuses for his behavior, Elizabeth..." I can't help but make excuses for my middle child that tends to be labeled, as I just did a bit here, or will eventually do in the approaching paragraphs.

"It's because he's in his 3's."
"It's because he's looking for attention.."
"It's because he's always being compared to his siblings..."
"It's because he's feeling left out..."
"It's because he wants to be and do everything that his older brother does.."

I use all of those "excuses" except for one.
The third one.
The one that says he's acting up because he's always being compared against his older and younger brother.

I don't believe in favoritism.
I don't believe in doing more for one than the other.
Regardless of whether someone is stronger then his/her sibling, that doesn't mean the weaker one deserves to constantly be enabled.


I don't believe in comparing Sullivan to Jackson, Jackson to Benjamin, Benjamin to Sullivan, Sullivan to Benjamin. You get the point?

I don't know what it will be like with them, when they're adults. I don't know if Sullivan will spend a few days in detention, or if Benjamin will knock out his two front teeth during a foothhhhhhhball game. Whether Jackson will lose the championship chess match against the next known "Bobby Fisher," minus the anti-Semite accusations. Whether Sullivan will get a check penalty during a hockey game, or receive a red card during his soccer playoffs.

I don't know about any of those negative things listed above. What I do know is this, if I were to favor one over the other, it will do more damage to their entire being, then any type of loss from any match of wits or muscles ever would. (Like the ones that I mentioned in the above paragraph).

That would mean pitting them against each other, if not consciously, then definitely sub- consciously. It would mean harboring anxious hurts deep within their hearts.
It would create a fear within them to therefore be afraid to just "be themselves."
Be who they are.
They would secretly hold jealous thoughts against their other brothers.
I can't do that to them.

I can't parent like that. It's painful to parent like that. People that parent like that, whereas no one is perfect, but, and I say it with a strong B-U-T, parents that operate like that because of the reasoning that one doesn't need as much help due to a stronger personality, or a strong will to overcome adversity, well, newsflash folks, they have it all wrong. It will hurt the ever so "strong ones" so much, that chances are it will take them years when those "types" reach adult hood, to overcome.

Perhaps that labeled "strong one," is just as weak, deep down inside. Perhaps he's just crying out for someone to come to him for once, and just help him. Perhaps he's just so incredibly tired of asking for help, so tired of having to manage it on his own. Alienated. Kicked out. Removed. Left only to have to pick up the pieces themselves.
"But that's okay, because they're strong, they'll always land on their feet."
Something tells me that even the strong ones need embracing, even if they appear to be emotionally removed.

Sure, maybe that may be the case, but perhaps they've had no choice in having to be the "strong one." Perhaps, just perhaps, parents need to stop, and recognize that whereas you can't parent all your children equally, you do have to treat them all equally. You can't do one for one, and tell the other for the same reason, no.

You can't complain about the drama in family life, and then enable and encourage it with your middle child. That just isn't fair to anyone involved.

So to those that have a tendency to overlook the strong ones that are hidden amongst your family, I encourage you, I urge you, to offer them some level of help. Because chances are, deep down inside of them, they too are hurting. They too need a break from "always figuring it out." They too need help.


By ignoring them, by not coming to them, by denying them when they finally have the courage to ask for some level of help, a parent is only going to push them further away emotionally.
Eventually it will be too late.
Sometimes it's nice for the strong ones to just get a break like the "proverbial weak ones" do, without having to ask for help.

I have no clue what any of this has to do with Sullivan, only maybe, perhaps because if he tests me, pushes my buttons, annoys me to high blue SPRING skies and back again, even if he is the obvious strong one versus the other two, will no way find me expecting him to just "figure it out" on his own, while I tend to the one that whines when the sun doesn't shine through the living room windows. Not going to happen under my watch.
I don't think so.

Welcome To Crustybeef~
Now just what the hell is a Snowflake monster?
Oh, yes, I know, it's called, WINTER!
I guess Sullivan is just as bitter to the cold as his dear mother is.
We are two pea's in a pod.
Strong, but still polite.
A long line of strong characters without a doubt.