Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Murphy's Uno

"Oh crap," I think to myself, "I only have one diaper left for Benjamin."
"No worries, it's 2:45pm, this one should keep him dry until Bigdogg comes home, and than I can run out-alone! to pick some up."

{{{{Okay, changing Ben now.}}}}
Not ten minutes later, there's doodie in his pants.

Talk about Murphy's law.
How come when you have ONE diaper left, and than you think out loud that you'll be "safe," rest assured you're caught in a bind? You think it's just putt putts going on in the tush region, but sure as the smell of NON SCENTED baby wipes, there's more than just "putt putts" in there.

There's logs of dookie.


Speaking of puttputting along,
It reminds me of when you need to get gas, (IN YOUR CAR!!!,) and you suddenly realize just how low your tank really is because you haven't driven the car in over a couple of weeks due to having had surgery, and you get every red light with 0 miles to go until empty, until you chug to another red light, and you view a gas station located clear on the left side of the intersection, and you're on the right side, in mounds of traffic. At this point you can't turn into the station because of all the traffic, and that you're in the right lane of a red light, along with the fact that you've now turned blue from holding your breath, because naturally, holding your breath will impact how much gas is used in your car, as if that will save you.

If I owned a gas franchise I'd name them, Murphy's Gas.

Phew, talk about a RUN ON Sentence.

Speaking of running,....
How come when you're running out the door, way behind schedule to pick up your son from school because you had to wrap saran wrap and plastic baggies around your child's pants to hold back that nasty doodie log stench and debate about other alternative methods of change, you can't take your car because you just know there's only a smidgen of gas left, and wouldn't that be embarrassing to run out of gas in the carpool lane of your son's school? So you run out the door, pushing the double wide stroller, and wearing shoes not suitable for walking in, but it was all that you could find at the last minute. You're running with the stroller, while wincing in pain from the still irritated incision area, and suddenly there's a new hole in the street. A hole that mysteriously has never been there before. Your foot trips in the hole wearing your "not meant for the street shoes," at the same time that a car drives by. Normally NOT a big deal, but this time, it so happens that the location of the hole was also near mounds of leaves. Therefore blowing up the leaves that your lazy neighbor, while trying to save his pocket book from spending $1.75 per leaf sticker even though their home is listed at over 1.5 million, is just too lazy to bag them and tag them (the leaves) and instead just rakes them into the street, those gosh darned leaves. He could hire a service, or a neighborhood kid to rake them and have them hauled. But NOooooo, he sneaks out and pushes them into the street, as if none of us know what he's doing. He's a very nice man, perhaps he feels that with all the money he pays in property taxes, he shouldn't "have to" pay for the brown bags to store the leaves, nor the cost of the rubbish stickers for the Wednesday garbage man to haul away. Naturally he's smart enough not to burn them because in our town that's illegal and you will get fined.

Meanwhile the leaves find your hair so inviting, they gravitate towards the colored auburn do, and flap uselessly into the tangled mess of your hair because you haven't brushed it since the 9am church service from yesterday, Sunday past. In a matter of seconds you look like the Leaf monster with shoes that would make the stripper pole corporation jealous.


Nothing like a day in my world.
But I laughed the entire way through it.
You know why?????
Because, FREE COFFEE MONDAY'S IS BACK AT MCDONALD'S!!!
Now who sounds like the lazy leaf rake? Hey, we follow the rules, there are 13 bags in our garage filled with leaves and that's just from our front yard. The Bigdogg hasn't made it to the leaves on the side of the house nor the backyard as of yet.

But FREE COFFEE? Excellent marketing ploy aimed at moms. They head out to the Mic D's on Monday, for their free coffee, their hair mangled and minds frazzled from the daily isolation's of SAHMhood, they approach the drive thru needing their McFix and then suddenly the children begin their whines of dedicated love towards the man with the big shoes. The weaker moms
cave in, realizing the ease of fast food, and then order some "is it chicken?" Mic D's makes more money on moms on Mondays. Especially if the mom runs out of gas in the drive thru.

"Can you add a milkshake to that order? While you're at it, could you make it three, please?"

Phew, say that fast!! Mic D's makes more money on moms on Mondays.

Welcome To Crustybeef~
I didn't run out of gas in their drive thru, I just had to throw that in there for added dramatic affect, or is it effect?
Do I really CARE about grammar at a time like yesterday?
But to think all of this started from one diaper.
COMPELLING STUFF! Or might I say, Compelling Crap! :)

15 comments:

SOUL: said...

mc-mom--- i cracked up all the way thru this----- at your expense once again. sorry--- but i needed it.
thanks. :))
i hope you have a better day today!
with gas, proper shoes, and diapers galore!!!!!
be glad you quit smokin!
i have been a chain smokin train wreck for three months....and the soul fam has not shut up about for it the passed three weeks
can i pull my hair out now????
UGH
got any coffee
oh wiat---it's warmer here////come on!!!

CRUSTYBEEF said...

I'm coming over!! I actually added some updates to the post cause I realized I screwed up the YOUR and You ARE...
you can pull my hair out instead cause maybe you'll find a golden ticket from the mounds of mangled leaves.

I am soo glad that I still have not smoked..I actually feel good..

When you're ready you'll be ready..no matter who tells someone that it's bad for you, it's only when the person is ready...I know what you're going through my dear!!
I'll be by later..been rather busy getting back into the swing of things..and I'm off to go pick up Sulli from preschool now..with gas,..shoes, and a hole in my pants. :)
Can we say, "CRUSTY MUCH?"
Always,
Crusty~

abbagirl74 said...

Thanks for bringing a smile and laugh to my face. What a day!

Andrew said...

{{{{Okay, changing Ben now.}}}}
Not ten minutes later, there's doodie in his pants.


I got the biggest smile on my face when you wrote this. Isn't that the way it goes? Change the diaper and then they drop a load. I still can't believe you managed to quit smoking. I quit one time for a year and was a fool to ever start back. Love ya blog friend!

Jonathon Andrew

Diane Vogel Ferri said...

Crustybeef - a great blog also! It's been a while since I was a mom of little ones - but enjoying the memories! Hang in there! Diane

Diane Vogel Ferri said...

Crustybeef - a great blog also! It's been a while since I was a mom of little ones - but enjoying the memories! Hang in there! Diane

tex said...

Ah another crazy day in the life of Crusty....
CHIV FRIDAY!!!
Let the war of words begin!!
Bless you my friend!

Kelly Jene said...

Wow.. that takes me back. When my oldest was still in diapers, I got in a car wreck... with a FBI agent... no kidding. Darik got a ripe smelling case of the runs right as it happened. Had to go inside the FBI building and change the poopy mess right in front of everyone. Man was that a time.

Thanks for the smiles, but I sure hope tomorrow is better for you!

And hey, thanks for adding me too!

Cheryl said...

Great, great stream of thought blog. I could actually see you outside with your boys and the leaves swirling all around. I imagine you stocked up on those diapers. Seems I remember another post where you were trying to salvage the last diaper. Just think...one day diapers will be a thing of the past in your household. Think of the money you'll save. And no more poop to clean up. Yeah!

I'm too tired to blog. I think I'll just post a picture tonight. See ya tomorrow.

simonsays said...

Gotta love it, or you would cry!

Have a good day today!

JYankee said...

Hey there..yeah..i've been in that..the diaper thing... what a load of crap heh??? pardon the pun...! those days happen..thanks to murphy....ugh..LOL

SOUL: said...

happy humpday... beats a crappy monday eh?
c ya latah

Mary said...

This post could well have been a day in my life several, several years ago. Poopie diapers are a welcome thing to have eliminated from one's life. Just when you give up and buy a LARGE supply of diapers baby will decide it's cool to go potty like big brother.

I read your prior post but didn't comment there. Ricky was reading with me and your post led us into a long conversation. His mother (my sister) passed away 2 years ago. She had 8 children - Ricky was a middle child - and the rememberances are still making the rounds among all of us. Crusty, I know it was both a mystery and a great comfort to feel your grandfather near you. Who is to say he wasn't. I believe we are given the things we need most (not the things we think we need) by the grace of God. Is it actually a loved one or God's love surrounding us? No matter, it is a comforting warmth and not to be discounted as imagination.

My heart goes out to the victims of the crash and those who loved them.

My best to you. Glad you seem to be doing well following your surgery.

captain corky said...

I'm a professional at coming close to running out of gas, but I'm anal about the diaper thing. I just bought a new bag the other day.

I now tell time by Max's feedings. It usually takes me a feeding to get him dressed and ready to go out. I'm getting a little better but still... ;)

Portia said...

You are such a riot, Crusty! And BOY have I had days like THAT!! Entirely the same, only completely different;) This post absolutely tickled me:D I hope your week is going good...a free cup of coffee sounds like a good start.