Tuesday, March 10, 2009

"Hi, My tubes are tied and I'm on the Pill"

Yes, that's correct. You read right.

Quick Background for you Newbies:
I had a tubal back in November of 2007, and because of how gracious Pam has been to me all my menstrual life and ever since having my tubes tied the cycles have grown worse. Soooo,... I get to go on the birth control pill.

I really don't want to.

"So, then don't."

Okay, but then will YOU come to MY house and take care of MY kids while I cry on the floor in pain for a few days?
Didn't think so, so shut your yap.
My options:
  • Exploratory Surgery
  • Monthly prescriptions to Darvocet 40 count
  • YAZ, the birth control

I know how the pill works, and for the time that I was on it, it didn't work. My cycles were completely off, and I got pregnant with Jackson. Hmmm, wouldn't that be fabulous if some how I get knocked up by the pill after having my tubes tied? Fat chance, but it was a funny thought.

So it's either live on pain medication or at least try the pill.
I'm growling because I know how bad the birth control pill is for my body in general. I know how much of a risk it is. The good thing is that I'm not a smoker so I have that going for me. The bad thing is that I'm one year less then 35, the age that most pill companies express concern over. You know the old, "If you are over the age of 35 you are more at risk...." side affect concerns?

I will say that my Gyne made a good point about quality of living, and lets face it when Pam shows her nasty self, the entire households quality of living goes down the tubes. Like my mother in law always says, "when mom's not happy, the entire house isn't happy." Let me tell you all how true that statement is! Sooooooooo true.

So, I agreed to try it. Try Yaz. Since starting it on the Sunday after my period started, I haven't stopped bleeding, my boobs suddenly look like I'm in my first trimester of pregnancy, (so great I'm now beyond a 36D), I'm bloated and I feel like I'm wearing an ass on my back that isn't clean.

But sadly, it's not half as bad as when Pam's around. So, I'm willing to try it for one month to see how effective it is, and then hope that some miracle will be discovered to help woman that don't want to depend on pain medication and birth control when all things herbal are just not working. Yes, I've tried the herbal supplements and darling Pam is still a bitch. It's that type A personality of hers, I guess.

I guess I should just make fun of it, like I do when things that I don't understand about me impact me in a not so positive stance. I laugh because of the obvious: I'm not able to have children anymore from a conventional standpoint, but, YIPPIE SKIPPY, I get to use contraceptive. For kicks maybe I should pick up some double ribbed condoms too...

The worst part about it all? I have been such a cry baby since started the pill. I cry at everything! The lump is constant and then the tears really fall. I'm thinking the BULL and BEAR (SNIPPETS!!) food joint is going to have to reserve a permanent place for Brian. I cry when I see a puppy walking with her new owners. I cry when I see a little boy getting off the bus and hurting his knee. I cry when I think of how my youngest nephew will be ONE on Friday. I cry when I picture Jackson and Sullivan leaving in June to go to Florida with my mother in law for a two week visit. I cry when I picture going to pick up Jackson and Sullivan in Florida after they've had a two week stint at Grandma and Grandpa's without their parents. I cry when Ben doesn't sleep through the night. I cry when he did (LAST NIGHT, and he slept in!). I cry when I see patients in the hospital all alone. I cry when I picture caring for these types of patients when I'm a nurse. I cry when Marina poops. I cry at the beauty of hearing birds sing in the morning because Spring is coming and I just spotted my tulips beginning to pop through earths dirt. Yet I don't cry if someone hurts my feelings, or if I am constipated. Or if I'm having an IBS moment, so go figure, maybe this YAZ is a good thing after all.

Yes, seriously.

But, like I said, it still feels like I'm wearing a cleaner ass being on the pill versus when Pam arrives. So we'll just have to be patient. Something that I'm not good at. So I'm guessing that G-d tries his best to work his magic in every aspect of my life, including the parts about pro-creating.


Cheryl said...

I thought YAZ was supposed to be a miracle pill. Fix anything that ails you. Even I wanted to be on it. Ha. If your symptoms are better on this than on nothing, I feel really, really bad for you. Your descriptions are vividly scary!

I hope your body adjusts to the meds, for you and for your family.

Ben slept through the night? "Bout time!

Kathy said...

Yea for Ben!!
I hope you adjust to the YAZ and EVERYTHING is better soon. I know how angry Pam can be.
I had a radical bilateral hys for ovarian cancer five years ago. I hadn't gone through menopause, yet, so was 'thrown' into it. Still the hys was the best thing that ever happened to me! Said 'goodbye' to Pam :)

Martha said...

I adore your writing style. I needed a good laugh (but I'm sorry it's at your expense)!

Kstro said...

The pill always did the same thing to me too...crying over EVERYTHING. That's why I couldn't take it and that's why I had 3 children in 4 years. Now I just cry because I'm so damn tired all the time :)
But, I will say that even when I'm not on anything, I'm more emotional just being a mother. I think it just strips you bare and makes you FEEL everything so much more. Definitely give it a couple months and see how you feel. Those side effects may subside.
Muldoons! Friday!
Love you!

Anonymous said...

I know none of this funny but geez you make me laugh E. I hope this YAZ thing gives you some kind of relief from Pam and I do see the irony of being on the pill when you have had your tubes tied. Life really sucks sometimes.

I hope little Ben is doing much better now. My daughters would get croup every winter at his age and it's very very scary. I hated the part where they would labour for every breath in between barks...horrendous.

superjanel said...

If it weren't for Yaz, I wouldn't be pregnant. I didn't think it was supposed to work that way, but God works in mysterious ways. Be careful, you never know - you wouldn't be the first to become pg in spite of tubes tied in the lovliest of bows. :D

happyone said...

Oh your poor thing. It seems it is a no win situation. I feel really bad for you.
Hope your body adjusts soon.
Glad to hear Ben slept through the night.


Cheryl: YES!! He did surprisingly!
But then, naturally, putting him to bed last night in his big boy bed was hell. Lets see, last I checked he'd lost his cup, his Thomas the train toy computer, his blanket and his pillow..because those are what I told him I'd take away if he got out of bed...again...

Yaz Spaz..now that makes sense!
How happy are you to have your car back in pristine shape? YES! I still feel so bad I didn't get the update on your caraccident. :P


kathy: I could have my uterus out, but I'm just not ready to permanently disconnect my heart unless I medically have too..ouch, your recovery must have been something.. ANd I've heard, like you said, how quickly your body is thrust into MEAN-O (menopause) once you have a complete hysterectomy...sigh...to be a woman, right?

I have a feeling things are turning around for my Ben..but if I say that too loud, well, then I just set myself back somemore. :)


martha: Believe me, it's okay to laugh at the words..I'm not offended..besides I'm used to people actually making fun of ME, so what you're doing is normal. LOL. J/k. seriously though, it is so good to laugh..it really really is,..it makes such a difference to a shitty day.

Hows your daughter feeling?
I can't wait until this croup season is over. Brian's friend's daughter was at the Er last night for the same thing..croup cough and strider...AGGGh!!


KsTRONGcousin: YOu are strong..you are wonder woman. I could never do all that you're doing. When I'm in these crummy ruts I often think of you and how well you're juggling it all..and looking great too!!
i had my 2nd TB today..friday is the read. :) Ready to be my study partner?

I wish I could do Muldoons..but I have too much going on Saturday..Marina starts puppy school early that morning and since I'm her lead caretaker I have to be present..if I make it to Muldoons, Marina won't make it to school.

how do I know this? Because I know how you and I are, and I would definitely indulge in a few tequila shots with tabasco. :)
But soon, I will join you. Is A going too?

Miss you.

sweeper Jean! :)


My favorite Gypsy Angel: You are so sweet. Have I told you how I hate seeing the two titles..it feels as though I can't read a book that I really really enjoy anymore,..:) But you need to do this for you. I hope your many shoes is settling down for you for awhile. I can't imagine what it's like to go through, but I know what it can do as my Grandma had it..not fair.

Hang in there and say hi when you can. YOu've always been inspirational.


I still remember when I heard, "but isn't it only a 1% chance on getting pregnant on the pill?" Uh, yeah, I guess you and I are in that 1%.
If I get pregnant, I'm going to haunt you with Wiggles videos and YO GABBA GABBA stuffed animals..day and night..TORTURE!! :)

YOU HANG In there yourself. I want details on your nursery colors btw! :)


happy: I feel bad for Brian. He has a wife that has a free boob enhancement and I'm too weepy to even want him to enjoy the lush mounds. :) I'll give it one month..one Pam cycle, and then we'll see...

but,..we all have to have something..maybe my menstrual cycle is my area of weakness. For some its their back, for some it's nerves, for some its muscles..

UGH. :)

Diane Vogel Ferri said...

Oh my goodness I feel for you! I hope one of your options relieves your suffering.I turned down a hysterectomy a couple years ago - but if I were you I think I'd consider it!

Brad said...

This is where I remember how good I have it as a guy. Sorry sweets!


My favorite author from Cleveland: My heart isn't ready for my uterus to be gone. I don't plan on having anymore children, but knowing that if I wanted to I could attempt IVF if we won the lotto. :) Do you regret turning down the hysterectomy?



BigBrotherBradley: Yes, you are right..although I'd never EVER want to experience blue--how's belle doing? Enjoying papahood? You and Jay tired yet? WELCOME TO DADDYHOOD!!!! :)

Swistle said...

*Weighing options on hands*:

One hand, the Pill with all its side effects.

Other hand, narcotics. Easy narcotics. Without even having to go to a street corner or try to act all natural about it.

Hmmmmm.....which to choose, which to choose.....

captain corky said...

Obviously I have no point of reference here, but I have to say that Darvocet does sound inviting.

I would also recommend that you try smoking pot around that time of the month but it's probably not legal up there. Yet.

Not to mention that both you and I are responsible parents and neither of us would ever do anything as reckless as smoke pot. ;)

austere said...


Damn it all.

Anonymous said...

I also have my tubes tied and if I had known that there would be "undoable" side affects, I would have reconsidered!

The pill sounds like it would help. Or antidepressants the week before your menstral cycle?

Portia said...

Shoot girl! What a week! I'd probably be at Muldoon's already:) I'm sorry Ben got it again, even if it wore him out enough to get one whole night of sleep. I hope everything settles down for you soon. Happy weekend:)

Susan's Snippets said...

Hey CB - Here's the deal...you have somebody take care of the boys on a weekday...and come downtown, you, me, Brian and Hedy are going to belly up (or in your and Hedy's cases - Boob up) to a tapper table at the Bull & Bear and we will drown any bad Pam mojo away.

what do you say

ps - thanks for the link!

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