Thursday, May 28, 2009

Jimmy's Car Accident

I'm sorry that I was feeling too sick to talk to you when you called my hospital room tuesday morning. I'm sorry no one called to tell you that I was here.
I'm sorry this is happening to you and it's tearing me apart that I can't take this pain away from you.
You are our middle brother, the middle child of us 5. You make the 0ldest, me, connect to the youngest, our little sister Denise. You've got to be okay. You have too.
I'm home from the hospital now, I was discharged last night. Being at home makes it all seem so far more real and also how strange that the world goes on. In the hospital room I was alone to cry, I was sick, I was where the sick people go. Now being at home my little ones are here, the dog needs to be walked, the garbage truck is pulling up taking the trash that we remembered last second to put out. Jackson has to go to school, and I have to eat. I have to now focus on recovering and instead I can't stop thinking of you.
I'm glad that I was cleared from the entire hospital and head of hospital and infectious controlled diseases that I am okay. That people can hug me that I don't have Cdif that the doctor that wasn't involved with you or I was a jag off to scare everyone like so. Just our primary care physician that happened to see my name and then hear from my nurses about you. Not handling my case and whereas it's important to take precautions, they were already being taken.

No matter what matters is that you have to get better. I can't look at my boys without fear of tomorrow. I need to freeze time and rewind, maybe keep you on the phone, maybe ask that you swing by, maybe maybe maybe.
I'm sorry.
I can't stand to know that this is happening to our family. These things DON'T happen to our family. We get old the old one dies. Not this. Not real. Because it doesn't happen. Then in a matter of moments everything was broken. My mom found herself at home watching our children hearing terrible news. My dad got stuck in the snarl of traffic caused from the seriousness of this car accident, not knowing it was you and then knowing and then, Oh GOD Oh God. My dad being alone in the emergency room with you, seeing the way your head is broken, seeing the blood pouring out of your ears, hearing, "emergency brain surgery, bleeding on the brain.." Oh MY God this can't happen to you, Jimmy.

You are my brother, the middle one our glue. As a parent as a fear when I see mom and dad it's , I can't believe this is facing our family.
Unreal. Yet Normal.
Life continues on around us. I want to scream out and yell, "don't you know what is happening world? My brother is broken critical in ICU because a semi truck decided that he couldn't stop, maybe my brother's fault but no matter, the semi truck smashed into the drivers side door of my brother's Dad's, company plumbing truck pushing the truck as it smashed into your drivers side door going more then 40miles per hour, although he claims he wasn't speeding. You weren't wearing your seat belt and that's what saved you. The paramedic's taking 15minutes to cut you from dad's plumbing truck.

Oh my Jimmy, My Jimmy it's YOU. You and I the ones that have always been more of the wild ones, the sheeps so to speak. This can't be happening to you, it just can't.

Please get better. Please don't leave us. We don't know what is going to happen. Today day three is when the brain starts to tell us things.

Do you know you've brought family together that has been estranged for more then 3 years? Every single family member in our family was there for you that night in the surgery room. More then 50people, family from both sides stood in the room holding hands saying the Lords Prayer, Denise had me on speaker, before the surgeon told everyone about you.

You're so sick right now. I need you to get better, please.
We Love You


Midwest Mommy said...

I am praying and crying here for your brother. He has to be ok.

Golden To Silver Val said...

Oh Elizabeth, I am so sorry. I cried through both of your posts and am sending up many prayers for your little brother Jimmy. I know he is surrounded by angels right now who are watching over him and protecting him. I am praying for you also...we all know how powerful prayer is. Hugs, dear one...

happyone said...

I have no words for you. Just tears and prayers and wishing I could be there with you to give you a hug.

Brad said...

Much love and many hugs sister.

Cheryl said...

I wish I could be with you. You know I would be. Jimmy needs time to heal. He's strong; you told me that. This won't be easy, but it will get better. One day at a time. He's surrounded by a zillion positive thoughts. So are you.

austere said...

mailed you.
cant cry- you will see why.

a hug and prayers and pls pls stay calm.

Dawn said...

wish i could do more for you. but i'm praying for you.