Thursday, April 26, 2007

I'm The First Three

Do you do things to be accepted?

Are you afraid that if you're truly yourself, you won't be liked?

Do you put up with things even though deep down you can't stand what's going on around you?


Are you one of those self professed happy go luckies with the perfect children, perfect marriage,perfect friendships, perfect life?

Your children are robots and are seen and not heard.

Your children never test the limits, never disobey, never raise eyebrows around other family members.

You've had everything that you've asked for. A good career, no, a WONDERFUL career, your life is good, carefree..

You have the most magical marriage.
Neither one of you can do wrong. A perfect happy harmonious partnership.

Absolutely perfect.

You mesh with society, you fit in with everyone else. Everyone thinks you're just the most absolutely coolest, down to earth, easy minded person in the world....

I think it's a load of crap.

How can anyone expect to learn from things if you don't have hurdles to face?

How are you supposed to improve yourself as a parent- a better parent -if your children are absolutely perfect precious angels?

How can your marriage grow, if you don't hit patches of unavoidable shit?

There are times that it's necessary to avoid the poop at all costs. As my Uncle Geeman told his daughter the other night, when you see a pile of poop, you don't go up and smell it, you don't go up and feel it, you avoid it. You actually go out of your way to avoid it.

Simply put from a man of few words. Makes sense. Seems simple. Seems easy.

Unless you're a woman.

Unless you're a young girl.

You see, my cousin is going through an extremely difficult time with many members of her female classmates. The cruelty, the ridicule these girls feel is necessary to put my cousin through, is absolutely mind numbing. One girl even had the nerve to tell my 11year old cousin, "what fun is it to not like someone, if you can't be mean to them?"

She's a smart, extremely budget conscious 11 year old girl and all she wants is to be accepted among her peers. All she's asking for is ONE non dysfunctional friendship.

Is it too much to ask of these catty young broads to at least shut their mouth and be halfway decent? They don't have to like her, but they don't need to constantly belittle her. To add to the insecurities a young girl already has due to the classical case of hormonal development is just down right mean.

Women, girls, broads, whatever you call us- are just cruel. I think it's absolutely ridiculous that teachers and more importantly parents, aren't working harder at teaching their future homecoming queen of a daughter or rather, pot smoking sexually active burnout how much of an impact words can have on a girl as impressionable as my darling cousin.

These very things that she's facing today amongst her elementary peers, will carry with her into her adult life. These girls names will stick with her for the rest of her life. Why isn't anything being done to stop the social alienation? We don't all have to like each other, but somethings got to improve.

We're all different. We all come from different families. We all mature at different ages, we all have different types of minds. Some of us learn by books, others by the school of hard knocks, but is it necessary to constantly make fun of someone because she's different then you?

How many more tears does a young girl have to shed before something changes?
Sadly, it won't help hearing the reassurance from the parents. It won't change the fact that at some point in her life, she will feel utterly completely alone. What has to change is the mental abuse these girls are inflicting on peers that they deem, "different." But what is different? What is normal? I know I'm not normal, but I'm not afraid to admit that. I'm not afraid to say, that there are times when I need to just take my foot of the gas and just calm down. But that doesn't mean I'm not normal. Yet these girls are making others out to feel like they are absolute social outcasts..and that my dear readers is just plain gelastic!

Social workers should intervene. Principals should call meetings. Teachers should be more open and more aware of the social differences and work to overcome them in their classrooms. Don't make the students pick their partners on the upcoming dissection of the pigs intestines-the teachers should.

I understand that we all belong to our own group. We all find our niche later on in life and we gravitate towards those that are more like "us." That's fine, but I don't think it's right for girls to be cruel to other girls time and time again.

We all have our issues, we all get annoyed, we all at some point in our lives have a hardship to face. We all take our day out on those closest to us-that's typical. But it's not typical to continue to make someone -a child for that matter-with the world at her fingertips feel like she has absolutely zero self worth.

Going from my own past being one that was teased because I was too skinny, because I had fish lips, because I didn't have boobs, because I didn't have the real Micheal Jackson silvery glittery glove, or the most recent hairless cabbage patch kid preemie doll makes it easier for me now as an "adult" to see the hurt in my cousins eyes. I know, I lived through it. I wish that my teachers had been more aware of it. I wish that I would've stood up for myself. I wish the teacher would have sat down those girls and said "stop." You don't have to like her, but you're not going to be mean." "You may not like how she writes, but you don't have to make fun of her." "If you do it again, we'll be getting your parents involved." Had a teacher paid a bit more attention to what the Fabulous Five was doing, might just have saved me a few nights of tears. To help by means of navigation by attempting to it clear that even though you may not like me, even though you may not like how I dress, that doesn't make it right to treat me that way time and time again. If only I'd had the confidence myself to stand up against the "mean girls."

Lucky for my cousin things have changed a bit. There is more involvement with social workers. There is more awareness on bullying, on social diversity. Because thinking back through many tears shed on my pillow with my mom rubbing my back, as much as her words were meant to be assuring, I didn't believe what she said at the time.. I didn't believe that "I was a beautiful girl," or "that soon things will change," because hearing it from my mom didn't add up at the time, she wasn't going through it. She was only "just my mom." For the most part, unless you're one of those perfect females with the perfect life, what young girl believes her mom when she's been made out to feel like a monster amongst her peers? My mom's attempts were good,it must have killed her to see how much hurt I had. Quite frankly, thinking back on this time of my life, there wasn't anything she could have done no matter how much she tried, to help me overcome my own insecurities due to the cruelty of the girls in my elementary school. It's a shame that students can't act like pseudo social workers because I'd probably have believed someone on my "own level." But that's just me. Everyone deals with things differently.

Maybe the parent that has a child enrolled in the membership of the "fabulous five" takes the extra time to make her aware of social diversity, and that even though you don't have to be friends with everyone, you don't make fun of other girls, perhaps that could start the ball rolling.

I know I'm grasping at straws here, and I'm sure this particular posting is an entire ramble-fest on things from the past, but for whatever reason it still haunts me. It haunts me because I see my cousin going through the same thing. It haunts me because I fear that it'll never change.

The unavoidable steamy pile of dookie at your feet. Do you walk around it? Do you stop and smell it? Do you always seem to have it falling in your lap no matter how hard you try?

Maybe if everyone as adults would stop acting like they're so gosh darn perfect, that everything in their life is all poppies and blooms, maybe that could help shift the winds of change in the lives of the unpopular crew.

There's a difference between arrogance and confidence.

Nothing irritates me more, than seeing someone that honestly thinks that their life and everything around it is all FIJI filtered crystal clear perfection.

Come on people, who are you kidding?

No marriage, no partnership,no friendship, no parent, no life is perfect-so stop acting like you're just the greatest thing since sliced bread-you're wasting your breath.

Why do you feel the need to profess to us how great of a worker bee you are? Why do you feel the need to profess to us how great of a lover you are, or a husband, or a wife, or a mother...? WHY???? How terrific your body is, how great it is that you've managed to travel to nearly 60% of the places on Earth. I just don't care to hear it.

You've never done anything wrong. It's always everyone else that's the cause of your annoyance. It's never your fault. You're just too perfect of a person to have faults. You're too ignorant is what it is.

Meanwhile a young girl falls asleep every night thinking to herself "why me?"

"why do I have to be the one that's all alone."

"why can't I have any friends?"

"what's wrong with me?"

And you sit on your high horse telling everyone that comes within earshot of how much you give, how much you're liked among your peers, how awesome of a wife you are, how perfect you are as a mother. Where as if you'd only just stop and admit to yourself that you don't know it all, that you don't know what you don't know, maybe that could get the ball rolling. Seems dubious because it's too hard to manage, but how do you know if you don't try?

And try don't need to tell us all what you're doing to improve the world as we know it.

Welcome to crustybeef~
"that's all I've got to say 'bout that."


the clem said...

I hope you feel better now that you got that off of your chest.
I can't imagine how tough it is for your cousin to go through this, but I know I was a little prick when I was young, and to this day I still feel awful about it. Granted I wasn't nearly as bad as those slutty little chicks your cousin goes to school with, but......
I did learn from that. I teach my kids every day to be nice to EVERYONE, NO MATTER WHAT, and I actually think it has gotten across to them.

I went to my 20th reunion last year (where I ran into Ms Hedy again, who could be the coolest chick on the planet) and ran into all of those bitchy, snotty broads that were just awful to everyone back in school. was fun to see.
1.) They were hideous
2.)I actually enjoyed their hideousness
3.) and they were COMPLETE LOSERS!...HAHAHAHA!

Miss's so true.....What goes around, Comes Around and I LOVE IT! Those Bitches will get all of this returned to them. You just watch.

One other thing. Any chance her parents can move to a better school district??? There are so many good schools around and maybe a little homework on figuring out where they are, could make the difference. If my kids were getting mentally tortured, I would move to Timbuktu to find them the right school.


thanks Clem..

yes her parents have switched schools previously...the thing is they don't want to get into a habit of "running" when things go bad,,what does that teach a child?

Thanks for your comments..I'm glad to see someone's at least trying with children.

yeah, I'd have to say Hedy's pretty darn cool-inspiring too!

Anonymous said...

sad..very sad because she is a very nice girl...

austere said...

Well. As someone said, what goes around comes around. Have you seen "Million dollar baby"? Do you think a martial art discipline would help?
Sometimes not being part of the general gang helps one develop into a better, finer human being. But then in Asia,self-acceptance and self-kindness are valued traits.
My prayers are with this young child.