Friday, April 27, 2007


Beautiful car, isn't it?

I see these cars all over in the town that we live in, and until today never gave it a second thought.

Have you ever done the math with this particular model?

The Mercedes Benz E Class E350 4MATIC wagon.
Lists at about $55,000 with a general invoice price at roughly $51,000.
So basically if you finance this sucker for 5 years, at a selling price within the range from MSRP to INVOICE, you'll basically have spent a total of $81,000.
The kicker is, over a life span of 5years the total depreciation value amounts to oh, about $35,000. Now these are just averages..but I'm pretty darn accurate.
Remember, I used to sell cars? You never forget the mathematics of something that you were successful in. It's impossible to forget how it all works.

As I mentioned, I see these shiny bullets all over our town. Matter of fact I pulled up next to one at my bank today.

"Them:" two middle aged women in their early 40's (or maybe they were in their 60's with a cosmetic history of two face lifts, lipo and botox) sitting in the E350 sipping on their double Cupped Starbucks. Nicely manicured coral colored nails gingerly picking up their envelope out of the "suction sender."(That's what my sons call it) Holding it as if the fingers were repulsed to be touching something from the general commoner. You'd think it was screaming out to them, "I HAVE LEPROSY!!" STAY AWAY FROM MY CREASES!!"

Their car,the entire back seat of their car, was filled up with so much crap I couldn't believe it.
My three boys and I hanging out in our blue Chrysler Town and Country EX minivan. I lean out the window and say hello to the nice looking gentlemen that will be assisting me with my transaction. He asks me a question at the same time my sons are talking to me so I motion to him "one second please," and then I turn back to my boys and tell them to please be quiet for a few minutes.

Turning back to the teller I tell him, "sorry about that, my son's have these moments when,suddenly, they have to begin belting out every color of every car that is passing in front of them."

He smiles and repeats his question.

Meanwhile he is also helping the lovely "Merds,"located to the right of me.

He finishes the transactions and sends out the "Merd's" (short for Mercedes-ah HA!) items in the "suction shooter."

He then finalizes my transaction and sends it to me.

I get a piece of paper showing my transaction.

The "Merd's" get their piece of paper and two brightly wrapped beautifully red luscious looking suckers.

Go figure.
At least I know who my bank is truly catering to. Bet they don't even give out suckers to the kids anymore. They save them for the high rollers.

Welcome to Crustybeef~
I feel like such a sucker.
Oh well, better my kids didn't get a sucker anyways. After all, they're still TOO young for veneers. :)


Anonymous said...

merds...very clever..but very true. there are a lot of those merds in TREELAND and the women who drive them make me sick....i love my life, my wife and my kids and the car that we drive....i couldnt be happier...

austere said...

Filig this one under "aah America".