Tuesday, June 12, 2007

My Secret Is Now Your Knowledge

All of you that read this blog will be the first to know...that...I....

Gosh, I'm struggling even saying it. No one, not my family, my friends, or even my beloved bigdogg is completely aware of what I've been working towards these past few days. I've talked about it before, rather, complained about it before, but up until now, I haven't ever decided to set my mind to it.....

Here Goes...

The first step is admitting to it, right?

Alright..Breathe, breathe and triple breathe..........

I haven't taken my prescribed zoli since saturday morning.

There I said it.

At first it wasn't intentional, as I swallowed my last blue teeny tiny zoli pill with my morning sips of hazelnut cream coffee. I made a mental note to drop off my prescription at our local CVS to have it refilled.

My bigdogg, always looking out for me, noticed that the empty prescription bottle was sitting on the kitchen counter near our much loved toaster. He picked up the empty bottle and hand in hand walked it to our mommovile to drop it off at the pharmacy for refill. I didn't even say anything to him about it, he just notices the "little things" that make quite a "BIG difference" in our family. Unfortunately the pharmacy was closed when he drove past, so he never got around to dropping it off.

Initially I had planned on dropping it off yesterday morning before an intentionally planned playdate of 5!!! boys and one mom(ME!!!), but I never got around to it.

At the park with 5boys I managed just fine, even after a situation with some rather uninvolved asshole of a father that quite obviously loves his bluetooth more than his daughter-course, you'd never hear him say that-he's the posterparent for all dads, or so he likes to think. -We'll chat about that later.

I managed all day yesterday, all night and even all day today, without once losing my marbles.

I'm sure it's only a matter of time that it'll catch up to me, and I know I've written before about stopping zoli cold turkey, even commenting on my fellow favorite bloggers about the importance of not ceasing this type of medication without weaning off and researching more, but it just sort of happened that way.

I know, I'm being hypocritical and I do apologize for that. But, what if there is a chance that (with me) since I made my mind up, I will be okay?

I stopped cold turkey smoking while pregnant and sure the moods were intense, but I got over it. (Cue those of you that know I am back to smoking, to begin writing your comments!!)

Who knows, I'm just tired of taking it. Tired of being dependent on it.

My fellow blogger at 4th avenue blues has written many times about being tired of all the things he has to deal with to just survive. How there are times that he just gets so over it all, and has dreams of walking out of his backdoor, returning to the "normalcy" of living homeless without being on any medication, or being constantly controlled by the hands that provide him with his medication.

I feel selfish, as I wrote to my other fellow blogger, Austere, about how I complain about the daily life of being a SAHM (stay at home mom) when there are so many other people out there that have true battles that they fight with on a constant basis.

The Frumpy professor is grieving a mother that he loved dearly.

I'm lucky to not have to face that yet.

Baleboostah deals with having a child that has had many problems with her heart, and surgeries to hopefully correct it.

I'm lucky to not have to face that.

So really, is stopping zoli because my mind feels strong at the moment, really that bad to do?
My life isn't bad, I have so much love around me, and it could be far worse.

I guess we'll see eventually.

Welcome To Crustybeef~
Ahhh, I feel so much better having gotten that off my chest...


mosiacmind said...

I enjoyed reading your comments on my blog and thanks for chceking it out. I enjoyed reading some of yours and soon will come back and read more. My day has gotten a bit better.....mosaic mind

Anonymous said...

You don't need it. But the more you think about it, the more you will need it.

PipeTobacco said...


Thank you for the mention in your blog. I appreciate the thought greatly.

As for zoloft, as a neuroendocrinologist, I think that if you are feeling good with the lack of zoloft, then you are ok. If you feel some significant issues, you can still begin a weaning process at that point... 1/2 dose or 1/3 dose going smaller and smaller.

So, I would not be worried or anxious about the possibility of withdrawl. Just like it takes a while for the SSRI's to build up in the system for effect, it too takes a while for them to fully decline.

Again, thank you for the mention.


Baleboosteh said...

Hi Crusty,
sounds like you are doing just fine without it, why don't you just continue without it and see how you go? You are a strong woman, you can do it! :D

Thanks for the mention too!
Take care


mosaic-hope you're feeling better today..thanks for the lovely comment!!

Sir Pipe-Great knowledge, thank you, as I said in your comment field, so far so good.

Baleboosteh-I hope so!! :) You can do it makes me think of the childrens story book "The Little engine that could." Thanks for the chuckle. Happy winter!! :)


anon-as far as "I don't need it" What do you mean? You should have seen me back in January, I think you'd have said I definitely "needed something."

austere said...

One- Its your body, you're the best judge.
BUT dont stop suddenly like this. Not smart at all. Little by little as the prof said. Even then, I'd rather its done under supervision. PLS.
I am a pharmacist from once upon a time.

and thanks for that mention.