The wind rustles and blows differently this time of the year.
Like that last chapter in a book, the weather begins to finish up this past summers story.
Life moves on. Flying away.Falling down.
The skies show more equal dullness throughout these next months. The rain hurts more when if falls upon your warmed skin. The leaves grow engines and fuel around your doorway, swirling and curving just as a wave curls over you as you stand under the tunnel of it's crest.
The smells change. The appetites change. Meals evolve into crock pot creations, pumpkin spice smelling candles.
I love being in a state the can see all four seasons. Even if I wear thin of it rather quickly, I love the first consistent glimpses that can be seen felt, heard, tasted.
What I don't like is the drastic dip in temperature which brings with them, colds, flu, the dreadful virus that no one can do jack about but sit and wait it out with warmed tea and vinegar salt water rinses.
That's right, COLDS.
Sulli started it first.
Ben wanting to be like his big brother and decided he wanted one too.
I, unlike the rest of them, refused to participate in this first fall virus match, but they called me in to play the game with them, and I haven't stopped "playing" since Saturday.
It's just a common virus or cold. Really, I'm not sure what it is. The boys had the clear runny nose that morphed into yellow crusted green nasties. Coughies too-however they have had no fevers.
I have the fever, the sweats, the back of my throat since yesterday a painful confused mess of rawness. But, better me than the boys, right?
Jackson and Bigdogg have yet to play this first fall viral game.
I woke Sunday morning and before doing anything, I went straight for the shower. There I was reminded that sometime in the night Pam had come over. I had completely forgotten that I had woke in the middle of the night to let Pam in the house.
I'm losing it.
She hasn't been that cooperative, but she is listening better to me once I dope her up with a heating pad and some 800Mg's of Ibuprofen. So, we'll hope that there aren't any extra discomforts while she visits like that 3cm suitcase that she attached to my hip last month.
It isn't fun though to weather through her moods as I fight this male looking virus that's starting to call my throat, home.
Although,It did stop me for a good cause :
I haven't smoked.
And I don't want to.
I've been thinking about it for awhile now,as how to just cut out this habit of mine. I'm not sure if I can stick to it. I just have to figure out how to replace my habit of ring ring, go outside, say hello and smoke and talk. But having this cold has given me a kick start to stopping. Does that mean I'll remain off that particular wagon? It's hard to say. Easy now because the only thing I want near my throat is soup or coffee, or tea. When the virus leaves, who knows what I'll feel.
But at least I have a head start to practice replacement habits.
What's giving me the will?
It's not necessarily the cold-virus that I have, although that's helping it quite a bit.
Sullivan is giving me the will.
Here is that 3year old giving up his most beloved comfort while he is sick, and he's doing good, then I should be able to, too! I too am strong willed, stubborn, and very good at completing a task when I put my heart into it. If this 3 year old that doesn't have the logic as I do to replace habits with new things can give up his favorite thing in the entire world, well, than, so can I.
Does it mean I'll stick with it? Not sure. I can't see what tomorrow will be like. I just know that if this is how the start of lung cancer feels, I want nothing to do with it. That constant burning in your throat. The coughing. Death like that scares me. I saw glimpses of it through my Grandfather. My parents shielding our eyes from the majority of it as it finally took his life. I don't want to be tortured at death. My fear is, the longer I smoke, the more likely I'll face a painful awful death of karma in my lungs.
I hope I don't cave. I really don't want to. I look at the cigarettes that are sitting in my kitchen with disgust. I smell how my fingers smell after smoking. How my coat has that stench to it, but for me, it's easy right now. I'm sick.
I just have to keep reminding myself that if Sullivan can randomly decide to give up his blanket, than I should randomly give my entire family a great gift of giving up the thing that can take my life. Do I save it for special occasions? I'm not even thinking of planning out my cigarette forecast right now. All I'm thinking about now is how to replace the habit of smoking with something more positive that I can do right away to curb this habit.
Eating isn't one of them.
Chewing gum would be worse for my teeth.
So, I'll try the water bottle approach. And the old brushing my tongue with my toothbrush each time the urge shows itself when I'm over this virus.
Which reminds me to add BUY A NEW TOOTHBRUSH to my list of things to do today.
Yes, I just received one and used it (from Sauntering Franks office) but I've been using it since being sick. You're 'supposed' to throw out toothbrushes whenever you've had a virus in your throat.
Welcome To Crustybeef~
Day by Day I am under the spell of the seasons change, and am looking for a new way to walk into the crisp air of today without the urge of Sir Nic.
You know what I would love to morph into? My secret hidden dream is to try and accomplish?
Is to train for and run in the Marathon-in temperatures less cumbersome than the one Chicago just dealt with two weeks ago. Terrible Shame.
To just begin running. Running for causes-all of them. Dogs, Lou's, Breast cancer, Lung cancer, MS, all of it. To be in shape, drink my coffee still, and run.
See? I'm under some damn spell of seasonal change. I'll take that over SAD!