Monday, October 15, 2007

Under The Spell of Seasons

The wind rustles and blows differently this time of the year.
Like that last chapter in a book, the weather begins to finish up this past summers story.
Life moves on. Flying away.Falling down.

The skies show more equal dullness throughout these next months. The rain hurts more when if falls upon your warmed skin. The leaves grow engines and fuel around your doorway, swirling and curving just as a wave curls over you as you stand under the tunnel of it's crest.

The smells change. The appetites change. Meals evolve into crock pot creations, pumpkin spice smelling candles.

I love being in a state the can see all four seasons. Even if I wear thin of it rather quickly, I love the first consistent glimpses that can be seen felt, heard, tasted.

What I don't like is the drastic dip in temperature which brings with them, colds, flu, the dreadful virus that no one can do jack about but sit and wait it out with warmed tea and vinegar salt water rinses.

That's right, COLDS.

Sulli started it first.
Ben wanting to be like his big brother and decided he wanted one too.
I, unlike the rest of them, refused to participate in this first fall virus match, but they called me in to play the game with them, and I haven't stopped "playing" since Saturday.

It's just a common virus or cold. Really, I'm not sure what it is. The boys had the clear runny nose that morphed into yellow crusted green nasties. Coughies too-however they have had no fevers.

I have the fever, the sweats, the back of my throat since yesterday a painful confused mess of rawness. But, better me than the boys, right?

Jackson and Bigdogg have yet to play this first fall viral game.


I woke Sunday morning and before doing anything, I went straight for the shower. There I was reminded that sometime in the night Pam had come over. I had completely forgotten that I had woke in the middle of the night to let Pam in the house.

I'm losing it.

She hasn't been that cooperative, but she is listening better to me once I dope her up with a heating pad and some 800Mg's of Ibuprofen. So, we'll hope that there aren't any extra discomforts while she visits like that 3cm suitcase that she attached to my hip last month.

It isn't fun though to weather through her moods as I fight this male looking virus that's starting to call my throat, home.

Although,It did stop me for a good cause :

I haven't smoked.
And I don't want to.

I've been thinking about it for awhile now,as how to just cut out this habit of mine. I'm not sure if I can stick to it. I just have to figure out how to replace my habit of ring ring, go outside, say hello and smoke and talk. But having this cold has given me a kick start to stopping. Does that mean I'll remain off that particular wagon? It's hard to say. Easy now because the only thing I want near my throat is soup or coffee, or tea. When the virus leaves, who knows what I'll feel.

But at least I have a head start to practice replacement habits.

What's giving me the will?
It's not necessarily the cold-virus that I have, although that's helping it quite a bit.

It's Sullivan.
Sullivan is giving me the will.
Here is that 3year old giving up his most beloved comfort while he is sick, and he's doing good, then I should be able to, too! I too am strong willed, stubborn, and very good at completing a task when I put my heart into it. If this 3 year old that doesn't have the logic as I do to replace habits with new things can give up his favorite thing in the entire world, well, than, so can I.

Does it mean I'll stick with it? Not sure. I can't see what tomorrow will be like. I just know that if this is how the start of lung cancer feels, I want nothing to do with it. That constant burning in your throat. The coughing. Death like that scares me. I saw glimpses of it through my Grandfather. My parents shielding our eyes from the majority of it as it finally took his life. I don't want to be tortured at death. My fear is, the longer I smoke, the more likely I'll face a painful awful death of karma in my lungs.

I hope I don't cave. I really don't want to. I look at the cigarettes that are sitting in my kitchen with disgust. I smell how my fingers smell after smoking. How my coat has that stench to it, but for me, it's easy right now. I'm sick.

I just have to keep reminding myself that if Sullivan can randomly decide to give up his blanket, than I should randomly give my entire family a great gift of giving up the thing that can take my life. Do I save it for special occasions? I'm not even thinking of planning out my cigarette forecast right now. All I'm thinking about now is how to replace the habit of smoking with something more positive that I can do right away to curb this habit.

Eating isn't one of them.
Chewing gum would be worse for my teeth.

So, I'll try the water bottle approach. And the old brushing my tongue with my toothbrush each time the urge shows itself when I'm over this virus.

Which reminds me to add BUY A NEW TOOTHBRUSH to my list of things to do today.
Yes, I just received one and used it (from Sauntering Franks office) but I've been using it since being sick. You're 'supposed' to throw out toothbrushes whenever you've had a virus in your throat.

Welcome To Crustybeef~
Day by Day I am under the spell of the seasons change, and am looking for a new way to walk into the crisp air of today without the urge of Sir Nic.

You know what I would love to morph into? My secret hidden dream is to try and accomplish?
Is to train for and run in the Marathon-in temperatures less cumbersome than the one Chicago just dealt with two weeks ago. Terrible Shame.

To just begin running. Running for causes-all of them. Dogs, Lou's, Breast cancer, Lung cancer, MS, all of it. To be in shape, drink my coffee still, and run.
See? I'm under some damn spell of seasonal change. I'll take that over SAD!


Portia said...

That really stinks that half the house is sick. I hope the others stay well. If you used this opportunity to quit smoking though, that would be awesome! I know it's hard so I don't want to pressure you, but truly, I know you can do it:) The running is a fantastic idea!
But of course, pam on top of it all. I hope you feel much better very soon!
Beautiful fall intro there, by the way:)


Thanks P!!
Are you working late or something?? :)
It's been quiet today, it seems.
I'm really cranky and moody, but the first three days are the hardest. Can I do it? I can do NOW and that's all I'm looking at. ;)

SOUL: said...

hiya crusty.
sorry i haven't been around today. geesh what a day.
feel better, good luck with not smoking, i hope i don't influence you to smoke when i get up there.that would surely make me feel like shit.
i prolly forgot somethin, but i am on my last leg.
i'll be around tomorrow.

Tink said...

I say, take this perfect opportunity and run with it girl. But then again, I'm bias. ;)

Orbit White Spearmint gum has helped tremendously. It whitens teeth AND it has no sugar in it. Also, go to Walmart and pick up some Sams brand flavored water. The Keylime and Black Cherry are the best. Nothing in it, but damn that stuff tastes GOOD!

I love ya whether you quit or not. But I hope you quit. You can vent to me and I'll keep telling you it gets better. Because it really does. ((HUG)) Feel better soon!

austere said...

LOVED your description of the leaves and lovely lovely fall.

Am waiting to read about your running.

Ouch re the kids and you, getwellsoon.

simonsays said...

I hope you are feeling better today, is isnt easy when the one that takes care of everyone else is down. I sincerely hope you can kick the ugly habit, too. I have wanted to shake it for years, so far, no luck. Hang in, if you want it bad enough, i believe you can! :)

captain corky said...

I don't know how many times I quit before I quit. I feel better though and we've saved a lot of money.

I love this time of year. It's not quite cool enough for me yet, but I think it's supposed to rain everyday this week. That would be great since we've been in a drought all Summer.

Good luck Crusty and feel better!


Soul, No worries tiny birdie, no worries! You're in recovery mode and prep for the trip mode...YEA!! ANd you know what? I'm not even thinking that far in advance about the smoke and choke..don't worry...and remember I do have in there something about "special occasions." :)...feeling better today? Want some tapioca?

Tink: You are so sweet. That is a great idea! The gum could work as long as its sugar free, plus as long as I don't chew on it for too long....well, I will coming by venting or looking for a talking to when I'm in a Sir Nic are too nice, thanks so much for the words of wisdom.

austie: I love the change of's nice to see change..oh well with the sickness though, normal for this time of year..and it could be worse..the flu is going around..I'll settle for this.

Simon: I may be on a break with it, not sure..I've managed to quit during pregnancies but that first night out, that first sip of beer or OVER! I'm thinking I may have to give up coffee..I don't think I can do that.

capt: I like the new pic..or does it just look new? It's hard isn't it? And rest assured if it doesn't take the old turkey cold way, I'll follow the path of dear Tink and use those new tabs from the doc. It does save oodles of dough...that's for sure. Did ALy smoke before Corky Jr?


SOUL: said...

smoke and choke... hmmmm. may be just a though eh?
are you thinkin about what we're gonna do? did you find a bass pro or cabellas?
hmmm. i know nuthin yet... cept that i FEAR the cold.
but i am lookin forward to gettin up there.
there's some casino up there, they have a seafood buffet... woo hoo!!!!


SOul;I'll hang with you and I'll do the choking while you do the smoking..or the coughing I mean. :) that sounded wierd.. :)
THere is a few casino's up here-just depends on where you want to go area of a few casino's aren't so good. I'm all for seafood buffet.

SOUL: said...

my sis sent me a link to one, but i dont rememebr where or what its called...will get back to ya on that. little slots, lotsa seafood... coffee... yu can chew on a straw while i smoke!
:))... how many days?