Sunday, October 18, 2009


Dear Balloon daddy and mommy(and especially DADDY!),
Thank you for shifting the camera's eyes away from Jon left so it makes Kate plus 8. You have made the Ed Hardy wearing daddy very happy. All eyes on you, your ghetto wrapped UFO and your insane story because you're more starved for attention then, well, I'm sure you can pick out a few celebrities names along with me.

But really? I mean, really?
Really, now.

Let me ask you a question. A question unrelated to your balloon hoax.
What is it that you want your children to take with them into their adulthood?
What sort of guidance do you want your children to act out when they are grown adults, with families?
How do you want your children to be, as adults?

Because, newsflash,'s time to show them the first example: you need help.
Serious help.
You care more for a TV show.
To promote yourself in a sick way, by engaging your children, and whomever else, just to "win" a slot on some future show.

I bet you cheated on those scantron tests, when you were a kid, didn't you?
You're the type of parent that needs help. You need to show your children, be the example that you are confused up in your head, and you need to get help. It's really simple, actually. Just treat it like you would if you had a bad case of the doodie tush runs-except for your situation it's verbal vomit -to gain spotlight at your kids expense. If you have diarrhea of the ass what do you do when all else fails? You seek medical attention to rehydrate your ass before you end up sick from a flare up on the swollen colon.

In your case it's the same thing. The moment your mind let you to the plan of balloon boy isn't really balloon boy, but rather, rafter boy, and all his friends are going to hate him, or tease him, belittle him, or just be jag offs to this poor corrupted young man, all at your hand, you should have felt that a "flare up" was starting to appear. You should have sought out the medical help necessary to help the swollen ego not get to the point where it needs some serious hydration of how to be a NORMAL person-especially DAD-for that matter.

You have made everyone forget about Monica Lewinsky. Those two almost divorced people, with, like, 8 kids. Uh,..Obama's Nobel piece prize, Chicago Olympic has beens, Blago, pregnant former playboy girl, pregnant reality I can never pronounce or spell their names. Kim something.
Chris Brown is busy writing a new song, inspired by the heat of your airless head. John Mayer thinks you're hot and swears that you're the dude he kissed the other night in the "no I wasn't in a gay bar," bar. Jessica Simpson forgot about coyotes. Kevin Federline forgot to eat. Britney Spears forgot to ask her dad for permission to cross the street. Regina gave in to Dave's love demands for "lets role play and you'll be Paul Schafer and I'll be me, David Letterman."

The point is, you take the rotten cake. Just think, this year the prime Halloween costume is Bernie M, but next year, here's to hoping its your face on a mask I see, while attached to the back end of a goat, you nasty twisted bad example of a dad.

The good news is I hear Brad and Angelina are first in line for the adoptions of your children. At least then they'll be in a normal home setting.

Yes, as you can see, I am That ticked off. I try not to be too judgemental but this time my tongue has escaped me and it's just a brain to keyboard type thing and I cannot believe you would bamboozle all of the people that helped, watched, prayed..

If you wanted a scam, all you had to do was become a blogging dad with a terminally ill (PRETEND!) stage IV 4weeks to live, son.

and no, I'm not even going to do you the justice of giving you link tracking by posting your sick story on here. For those of you that haven't heard about this, all you have to do is type in "balloon boy Colorado" in google, and you'll see what I mean.


austere said...

Thank you, crusty. That man has no shame, or family honor.

Stuff like this we read and eyes wide in horror say "Those Americans!"

So- thank you.

Moohaa said...

Thank you, thank you. Seriously, DITTO to everything you said. Makes me sick. The children....

There is something for you on my blog... :)

Waterfalls and rainbows!

Midwest Mommy said...

Scantron tests, lol I swear I haven't heard that since 1998 when I graduated high school!

Jamie said...


LOVE it!

You rock, and said everything I wanted to say, only waaaay better.

Hugs. :)

Gypsy said...

What a douche! Seriously...the things some people will do for their 15 minutes. They'd probably sell their own child if it bought them some kind of notoriety.

Great post Elizabeth and good to be visiting again :)

... Paige said...

so you are mad that you didn't think of it first, right?

thanks for taking the steam off

Brad said...

Just another perfect example of why there should be a minium competency test before you bring another life into the world - Am I being reactionary? yes. BUt it's the kids who suffer first and then we all suffer in the end. Sad sad sad for those kids and the warped way their being raised.