Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Is He Angry Or Looking For Fans?

One of my children, who shall remain nameless, seems to be displaying issues with anger.
Whether it's a video game or sibling, when something ticks him off, he rages.

Okay, maybe not rages, but he sounds like a snorting bull.
His hands clench into fists.
He turns beet red!
Yes, BEET, red.
He snorts.
He screeches.

It scares me.
Not him. His outbursts. Not because I'm in fear of him.
No, because I worry about his future.
He is quite dynamic. He has always felt every emotion, rather intensely. So it doesn't surprise me that this would be going on.

It has been, for awhile now-not the temper tantrums-but the waves of emotions.
He's been like this since day C-section One.

I worry that unless I figure out how to "reach him," his future will be met with struggles.
Or, is he doing it because it gets our attention?

There are no new changes within our home.
No loss.
No re-arranging.
Most definitely, no babies.
I've done the Volcano metaphor.
I've done this for quite some time.
But lately, it seems more difficult with him.
I've done the, "you have a right to feel upset, or sad.."
..."but how you show it, is another thing all together..."
..."You are in control of your entire body. Are you going to let your body win?..."
..."Or, are you going to allow yourself to win over your body?"

Crying is fine.
Feeling upset and Topsy Turvy, is okay too.
But screaming and yelling and going beyond, is not acceptable.

I do well with managing this situation, but then I myself grow tired of the rants. I don't want to hear them. I don't care who's fault it is, and why they're reacting the way they are...I don't want to listen to it, or discuss it.

I go all Love and Logic on myself and them.

Sometimes I ignore the behavior.
Sometimes I lose my patience.
Sometimes I'm not affected, either way, with any sort of negative drama with my sons.
It's far easier to parent that way-
to remove your emotions from it and focus on the issue-
focus on what the problem truly is.

Not the temper tantrum, but why it's going that route.

I'm feeling tired right now.
Not with any desire to give in, just tired of trying to improve it.

I've even done the YouTube Temper Tantrum search.
One afternoon, I sat my sons down, and "made them," watch what parents have captured (or bystanders) on camera. Temper Tantrum Tales.
Of; children in malls whining,
Of; kids having meltdowns when their brother tells them to turn off the video game system,
Of; kids throwing a fit when given books as gifts, for birthdays and Christmas

It worked for awhile.
I'm not saying he's always like this. Because that's not the case.
It's just when he gets mad, he gets mad.
He feels everything, as I said above, so much more then my other sons.
He cried the hardest when our fish died.
He snuggles the most when he is scared.
He laughs the best belly laughs.
He is most obviously the happiest, when he is happy.

Maybe I need to get him into theater. No, I'm not joking with you.
Maybe if I allow him to channel his feelings, and release them in a setting that is positive, will help settle the "when he's mad, he's really really mad," emotion.

But until then, I'll just go around the parental circle of:
constant positive acknowledgments
removing the problem ( VIDEO GAMES ARE MY WORST ENEMY!!)
You Tube
and anything else that comes up, throughout this phase of his life.

*and I thought the sleepless nights of infants were tough. What I wouldnt' give to have that "tough time" bundled in my lap right now...my very emotional son, snuggled as a newborn, safe with a clean slate ahead of him.*


1 comment:

Justfly said...

Wow...sounds like you are talking about my son. I called him my "active, strong-willed" son. My husband used to remind me not to break his spirit.
Some days were difficult. Some were wonderful. He played by his own music, not someone else.
He ended up a fine young man at 24 years old. Very adventurous. Still playing by his own music. A drummer with his own beat. His activeness landed him a full scholarship at Syracuse University. His activeness landed him a hero's medal for saving someone.

I promise you there is good to come out of it.
Just keep a sense of humor!