Monday, June 27, 2011


Ooooh boy.
Yet another reminder why now seems harder then before. As much as I used to believe those first 6mos of life were tough, the older my boys grow, the more challenging it seems.
Obvious for those of you with children older then my sons, you'll say that "just wait, it gets even harder, hunny."

I'm sure it does.
After all I remember what it was like for my parents, as I got older. To say the word "challenge," is being polite. Because we don't have a daughter doesn't mean squat. It's one out of three. Those are my odds. One child will happily demonstrate the stubborn attitude that I did, as a teenager. I realize it also depends on the parenting, and the time and year and how many armpit hairs, but no matter.
 I get it. It gets harder.

Besides, my husband sure put his own Mom thru the ringer.

But for right now I have arrived at the road called "pants on the ground" and "two kids playing doctor."

Whaddah Do?

They're not siblings. They're the same gender.
It's not in the same manner as we, for some, the sexual deprived, see it as. But, kids still have a fantastic sense to things "taboo." That's why you'll suddenly find their bedroom door closed while the young kindergarten ready tots happily disrobe for the one being the Doctor.

Is it foreshadowing? Is it considered a level of control or dominance if one child is always the Doctor? Is there such thing as elementary molestation amongst peers? I say that in all seriousness, but not with the concern here. I ask because this is new to me, to a certain degree.

If your child is happy to always be the patient, and will happily agree to the Doctor's requests, how is that a concern? Can a child, while playing with another child, not want to participate in the Doctor's request, feel uncomfortable and be "forced" to play the patient or, "I won't let you play with my toys when you come to my house." If that happens, what do you do? If you're that child, and you don't tell anyone, what can a parent do?

My own instincts that I recall from my childhood tells me that, yes, I believe another child of the same age, could display those traits. They could make another child feel uncomfortable with their requests of sexual exploration. When I say "child," I mean elementary. Before sex-ed is taught. It would seem it's more just an exploration of a sensation that they feel as the Doctor, or perhaps as the patient. Kids love things that make them feel fantastic. That's why they love video games, they think it's "good for them." As parents, we realize they're a double edge sword.

But when they start sneaking of to play doctor, and try to tell you, "we're not playing doctor, we're playing medical storm troopers and Captain Rex needs a shot," when or what do you do?

I will not interfere with their healthy development. House. Fort. TreeHouse Family. You name it. Kids play it. But when do you put your foot down on the constant role this particular game plays whenever your son is around that child that all they want to do, is play Doctor? Even more so, when "The Doctor," tells your son to play Doctor anyways, even though I just finished saying, "No Doctor?"

In truth, I am all over this subject matter.
You should be able to tell this from how all over the place this particular post is.
I just don't know how far you should let it go. It isn't making my son uncomfortable. He seems to enjoy playing the victim.

Oh Shit.

What do you do, when your child is caught with their pants down, so to speak, because, after all, "the only way to give a shot, is just below the belly button."
How do you approach this?
What do you say?

If you make too big of a deal of it, the kids will really gravitate towards it. But what do you do if your child is always the patient? If he and all the other patients are constantly being told to take off everything but their underwear?

Kids have to explore. That's why you'll see the occasional mud under the nostrils, lemonade in the hair, and, if you have sons, target practice in the backyard.

But when it's part of the sensual side of their development, when is it too much? When do you say, "no more."

Where are we at with this particular "medical school discovery?"
This is what we've told our son, and his Doctor friend, (when the Doctor tries to encourage doctor play), "if you want to play doctor, you'll need to do it either down in the family room, or with your bedroom door open."

How many of you banked on that as a response?

"Because it's far more fun to be a Hospital doctor then a Doctors' office doctor."

Again, an obvious response.

"Because a Hospital Doctor has a cafeteria, and a Doctor's office Doctor has a vending machine." "They have better instruments to help make their patients feel better, and they have far more space to work, in a hospital then in an exam room."

"I'll pretend I'm your cafeteria worker, so when you're doing seeing patients, you take a break for a snack, and when the patient is done being seen by the Doctor, he stops by the cafeteria to buy french fries and a vanilla shake."

When all else fails, pull the treats and sweets card..
it will distract their developing mind for a short time..



Elizabeth @ My Life, Such as it is... said...

We don't that the problem of playing doctor but our son, who is 6.5 yr old and just finished Kindergarten, is a Follower. He wants to be included so badly in whatever is going on, even if it is wrong, that he just goes along with the other kid(s). It worries Hubby and me for the potential in bullying and other things.

We think some of this stems from teasing that occured in Pre-K and that he is small for his age. But it worries us. We've tried talking about it being OK to say you don't want to play a game but he is worried that the others won't be his friend. At least that is what he tells.

*sigh* He is the perfect toady/fall guy for the first bully to come along. I can't make him chose to say no. All we can do is teach, talk, ask, explore, pray, and keep lines of communication open.

CRUSTY MOM-E said... right you are..and how painful it is to watch, as his mom. The hard part about this is that although this will prep him to be a very fine adult, the hurt along the way will be challenging to view. I like your last line, and will continue to remember that thru this particular episode in my son's life.

Keep me posted and thank you for reading! :)

Moohaa said...

I've dealt with this once. My son was the one who said, "want to see my gun?" and yanked his drawers down. The parent of the other boys (there was probably 4 of them playing together) made me feel like my son was some reprobate. I asked my son about it and he thought it was funny. We had the "privates stay private" talk and it never happened again. If you freak over it, you'll end up with some insecure, scared of his body kid. It's all about balance. Just like all of parenting.