Friday I Cried

Friday was a day of all sorts of drama.
Some drama that caused tears from my eyes but may not have bothered you one ounce of a fly caught in a spiderwebs nest. Other worthy drama enough to make your own heart ache for awhile.

Health insurance companies suck jagbags.
I am not one to pat myself on the back openly, although I can fit into a suitcase-at least I used to be able to- but I take pride that I am up to date on my insurance information. What my policies cover, what they don't, how much will it put me in debt, how much can be written off, how coverage is based on different codes through a level of criteria; revenue, physician, diagnosis, routine, facility, in network, out of network- it's the labyrinth of all labyrinths.

Years back there was a convenient care facility built in our town that is affiliated with our massive expensive top of the line local community hospital. The purpose of this urgent care is meant for the following; "your doc has gone home, your kid's got a cold and you're screwed until Monday-so come here!!- because going to the ER with a sliver in your finger that you can't get out is not an emergency and they will be happy to tell you-so come here!!"

We've been there a few times.
Like when Brian fell down the stairs and fractured stuff in his foot.
Like when Sullivan fell and cut his head a tad and needed one stitch.
Like when I had a pulled muscle that was causing me to wish I could climb up a wall away from it all.
It's convenient, you do wait, but not for long, and it sure as heck beats the drama of going to the ER-plus you're not supposed to go to the ER if the problems are minor and the onset of symptoms occurred a day or so earlier-because to them a nose that has been running since Friday is absolutely not an emergency.
Makes sense.

It would make sense that because my copay for an ER visit is $75, my copay for any physician's office is $20, and anything that requires hospitalization, blood draws that are sent to the hospital for diagnosis, adjustments to my spine compliments of the chiropractor-is applied towards my deductible.

I thought that urgent care was also part of the clause of facility/physician's office coding for the $20 because it's not at the hospital. I was wrong.

We've had the same policy and plan since July of 2006 and nothing has changed as far as coverage goes. In that time we have been to the urgent care location and paid our copay and never had any issue afterwards, matter of fact our insurance paperwork would reflect the copay and that the coverage was taken care of as facility/non emergency blah blah black sheep.

Nothing had changed.
But after a recent bill that continued to come back to my happy address from a visit to the urgent care back on April 11Th, after the bill continued to recirculate with a balance of $78 and change, after I continued to call the hospital billing department requesting a resubmit because something must be wrong with the coding, after back and forth since May, I finally snapped on Friday.

Apparently after making phone calls back and forth for over an hour while my two younger boys sat starving on the kitchen floor eating refrigerator lint from the vent, after finally getting a decent representative from the hospital and conferencing the insurance agent with my plan on the line as well, it was "discovered" that my policy doesn't have anything in it that covers urgent care. So if I do go to urgent care, any cost of it is applied to my deductible, which means more money that I pay out.

My husband falls down the stairs and fractures a bone-I can either take him to the ER and pay a flat rate of $75 (so long as he is not admitted) or I can take him to "convenient care" and pay at least (based on where we're at with our deductible) $105's minimum.

How jacked up is that?

I spent over an hour on the phone with the two reps with all my notes from previous conversations with insurance reps and hospital reps that stated the coding must be wrong because the hospital bills the insurance so there are times the insurance company misreads the claim based on the facility, that stated the copay is $20 for urgent care, that they will resubmit, that the physician must have put the wrong diagnosis code, blah blah blah. Since May I have been given different excuses as to why this damn bill was returning to me with that balance. Since May I have been instructed that the insurance company will be receiving the claim form with a different code reflecting the change.

This claim was denied each time due to it being a duplicate claim. Nobody changed jack although they told me they did. By the point of this conversation when I was informed that my coverage for urgent care visits are applied towards my deductible I actually lost it.
Crying on the phone like a Sally that just lost her Schroeder, worked up and actually expressing my utter fear that I am "this close" to having a panic attack because of all this unnecessary crap.

It was ridiculous.
I felt like a jagbag myself for bawling on the phone like that. Blubbering like a baby about how I've been given conflicting information in regards to this bill and other bills past, about how coverage has been accepted with just my copay on previous occasions without applied deductible and 10% coinsurance applications but not now, about why I've been told urgent cares are $20 copays, all since this bill hit my mail box in May.

The hospital wrote it off under the area of "patient satisfaction."
But it didn't make me any happier. Had my policy changed since July of 2006?
Nope. They just had used different criteria based on the different types of visits and all that other jazzy stuff I listed at the beginning of the post regarding codes.

There had been complete silence from these ladies while I blubbered through my emotions about how is it that I am just now being informed of that when I'd been told other things in the past.
They had no explanation for that.

But the representative at the hospital wrote it off due to patient satisfaction (or lack there of) as I mentioned a few sentences ago.

I was all worked up about the time and energy and knowledge and understanding of this damn bill and all the time it has taken away from me, until later on that afternoon.

Until I got a phone call from my mom telling me to stay out of our downtown, that a bank less then a half of mile from my house had a gunman in it with hostages. Hostages that my parents are connected to, have relationships with both personal and business. Naturally then I am aware of all the helicopters hovering above the houses above our streets and the other information that came in regards to Jack's school being on lockdown, what was being viewed live on TV and other information from people that could provide up to date info due to the line of work that they were in.

The tanks were brought in, trains were stopped from going into our town as the bank was also located across from the train tracks/station. You were instructed not to go near the downtown, all roads were closed with multiple police from different districts standing by, urging all residents to stay out not only because there were snipers on rooftops ready to take a shot when they could. FBI on sight and naturally the SWAT team.

I cried when I got the news that a friend of my parents had been dubbed a hero after the 3hour standoff by allowing other employees of the bank to be released ahead of her. She chose to put them first. The bank president as well remained behind while all the other hostages were eventually released. The woman, the bank president and the man with the gun remained in the bank. Then the man disconnected the negotiator line, closed all the blinds and all you heard was a single pop.

Where'd the gun come from you ask?

The man had got the gun from a scuffle with a policeman after he phoned in a fake 911 hit and run call across the street from the bank in one of the train commuters parking lot. When the officer arrived at the parking lot and began looking for the alleged car in question that might have been involved in the hit and run, the guy ambushed him from behind, pulled a knife and held it to his neck. It was then that he was able to wrestle the gun from the holster of the officer's belt. In the midst of the scuffle the officer's arm was cut, although thankfully it was a minor cut.

The man did take his own life.
The two remaining hostages may or may not have had to witness that awful scene.
To have to witness the man in his last moments as hope and all things good were no longer seen in his eyes, only fear and hopelessness.

No one knows what made the man snap. No one knows.
I cried because this man left behind young children, three young children as a matter of fact.
They live a couple of miles west of us in the same town. No I didn't know him, but to think of what will haunt his family for perhaps the rest of their lives makes that stupid claim worth nothing but a fly caught in a spiderweb. Wrapped up but not that big of a deal compared to what his family must be going through.

Just tragic, and I wish there was a way I could reassure the family that he left behind that I for one will not cast a downward eye upon them, but instead open up this town more for them with support and compassion versus judgment and disdain.

His life was the only one lost this past Friday. The hostages all survived physically, although I'm sure emotionally this will take quite a bit of time. Why he did it no one seems to know.

All I know is that near my house sits a house with three young children near my own children's ages without a dad and a mom that cannot possibly come up with the answers to their questions over what happened.
My heart breaks for them and that is why this past Friday, I cried.

LIFE HAPPENS

The Light tries to crest herself against the glaze of the post night darkness
Sounds of awakenings from natures graces are opening up their eyes to start another morning
The morning mist floats and glides throughout the dawn as Life is Happening
As first time dreamers are slowly having their hopes shatter
into shards of what should be their growing canvas of the future
Of what should be the beginning for this part of life that was created
Now is tearing at their hearts into sharp pieces of broken glass.
For it's just too early
although more then halfway there
until what should be the time that their hearts
will forever roam outside of their physical bodies
when they should be witnessing Life beginning
through the first cries of their creation.

Instead the morning mist will carry those tears
of what should have been birthed innocence
and save them until the approach of our unknown clouds
at the opening gates of Heaven
And from there the floodgates will open
among those that wanted their hearts to roam
and those that are embracing them from near or far
-with prayers and hopes and thoughts of "maybes"-
all of their pain being twisted up into hearts sobbing and broken.

The morning mist will shift into rain droplets
slowly beginning their descent from the deepest of clouds
The Tiny Waters that will fall through the mists and awakenings of the morning
with attempts to shield all those hearts
from the pain that is waiting for them around the corner
Trying to shield them from decisions that nobody ever should have to make
Of knowing life is there as Life continues to Happen
But there's nothing that they can do to Help it breath and carry on
outside of it's first created home.

So until then they've been told to just wait
Until the delivery of what should be their first Hopeful
Is taken from them.

Then Time will slow herself down for these hopeful hearts
with a memory that will now always be there
Eventually some day not as painful
but forever being in their own horizon.

The ones that care for them and love them
will try so hard to carry the pain
to help with the burden of tragedy
arriving into the hearts of the two that have had to experience Life happening
Life happening in a shift that was once unknown to them.

Trying so very hard to grasp at something that can be so very hard to understand
When the unconditional hearts that are supposed to be roaming outside of themselves
have to experience Life happening in such a tragic way.

Those that embrace them can only do just that
For no one knows what it's like
we can't understand
Even if we've been there ourselves.

For now all that can be done is to wait
and hope that maybe just maybe the Life happening with those that are loved
Will somehow be graced with a miracle of powers that only He can provide
To fulfill dreams and provide full capacity of Life
For the ounces of this tiny loved innocence that is just barely beyond halfway there.

When Life happens we can only wait
And that's What We're doing
We're waiting for when we need to embrace
To embrace the two that have had to experience Life Happening
In a way that none of us ever imagined.


Welcome To Crustybeef~
Thank you For your time.