Thursday, January 18, 2007

Verbal Nuisances and Moods

"Why aren't you listening to me?"
"Look at me, do you understand what I just said?"
"Stop fighting."
"Let me be the parent."
"Just because he did it, does it mean you should do it too?"

"Eat all your dinner so you don't wake up in the middle of the night hungry."
"If you can make the mess, you can clean the mess."

It's official! Everything that I always used to hear out of my beloved parents mouths, have somehow found it's way into my vocal cords. Mind numbing phrases that are uttered more than once on a daily basis. *note to self: to send a thank you card to my mom and dad.

"He won't stop looking at me."
"I want to look at the cereal box."
"He doesn't know how to play it."
"I didn't do it, he did."
"I don't wanna go to bed."
"He hit me first."

Everything I used to say as a little one I now hear (on a daily basis!!) from my two sons ages 5 and 2. Isn't it grand? Ah, the cycle of life.
Can't WAIT to hear the phrases they come up with when they're teenagers!

The door closes as the winter tries to bleed it's frigid temperatures into the hidden cracks of the warm gentle home.

The door closes and the tears open up. The feelings begin to immediately surface as soon as the cold winter is rudely kept from kidnapping the warmth of that gentle home. The helplessness, lack of will and drive. The feeling of abandonment of being so alone. The lack of confidence.

Is it acceptable to point out that there is so much happiness surrounding her? That she should try very hard to look at all the good she has. Of COURSE she knows that. She's not a negative person. She's positive! Which is why it's difficult for her to cope with it. To understand it. To accept that everything takes time. Instead of pointing out all the attributes encompassing her. She's terribly independent. Chances are you mention all the good, will it make her feel guilty?Feel guilty for feeling this way? Guilt.

She doesn't want to be alone. But she wants to be left alone. She's afraid to talk to people about it. She doesn't want any pity conversations. She doesn't want to burden anyone. Yet she feels alone. Yes, SHE DOES. She hums the tune of the never-ending story as she does her the laundry. Yet she omits the story and inserts the word laundry.."the never ending laundry...daa dah dah daa dah dah da dah daaa. No, she's not crazy.

Yup, you guessed it, ME! Clearly I'm managing (or am I just lying to you to make YOU feel better?) Having completed the final chapter of breastfeeding at the beginning of this month, I fully expected the hormones to act like a firecracker exploding off in the valley of my serotonin levels. What I didn't expect was to get nailed by that damn firecracker.

What's worse? Being in a depressive state of mind? Or playing opponents of your PND? Opponents of experiences. Previous and present. Who ends up as your coach? Where's the referee? I need a TIME OUT! Give me a penalty, give me something.

Welcome to crustybeef.

I'm freakin annoyed over this damn bullshit. But this too shall pass. Plus Greys will be on soon.

1 comment:

austere said...

Crusty but you ROCK! Bet my last dollar on that, I do, even if that dollar's shrunk somewhat after the mess we had in our markets y'day.