Tuesday, April 10, 2007

"Needed"

Needing each other is difficult when it involves two males.

Sitting next to each other eating peanuts and drinking beers, two brothers discussed the next batter and his stats.

Their discussion turned from baseball to how difficult it STILL is after 15 years of losing their father suddenly to cancer. Even more so, how difficult it is now that one of the brothers was dying.

15years past and they lost sight of each other.
15 years past and they failed to improve their relationship.

Or to even have one, for that matter.

15 years later two brothers sit together at a baseball game, and for the first time in their lives, they realized how much time they'd lost over things that should've been forgiven and forgotten.

They realize that they need each other.

Now more so than ever.

They don't have their father around to guide them, he's been gone 15 + years. But deep down even though they may not vocally express to one another the agony over these past 15 years, they are willing to forge ahead and focus on the NOW of life. To not sit and harbor ill will over what one did or didn't do.

They both knew deep down that they need each other.
They need to have their brother standing strong for them in their life.

Even though they didn't say it to one another, they both felt it.
They both felt the bond of two brothers.
The last remaining males of their generation. Having lost both their parent's within 10years of each other.
They didn't have to say a thing.
They both knew that it was necessary to never waste time again.

Period.


I haven't stopped thinking about this dream and how vivid it was this past Saturday night. The frightening part was that throughout the dream it was never made clear who the dying brother was.

It scares me to death because one of the brothers in that dream, was my dad.

Welcome to crustybeef~
I am trying not to be such a downer with having had such a fantastic weekend with Easter and Bday parties-more on that later!!-But for whatever reason, I can't seem to shake this particular dream. I'm just not ready to face the facts of life that my dad won't always be around. It's terrifying for me. As big of a giant that my dad is-death holds no discrimination.



5 comments:

Kahnee said...

I have five brothers and sisters and we all live within five minutes of each other or more precisely, within my mother. I wonder when she's gone will we be as close. over the past few years. we have events and for some reason she won't be able to make and for some reason they're not the same. not as much fun.

Anonymous said...

great blog. your dreams seem so intense and you can convey your dreams in to very creative and easy to read blogs....you are amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Katie M. said...

your dream seems hopeful while being sad. second chances are always wonderful things. :) maybe it just means that you will get a chance to repair a broken friendship? hope for the best. :)

CRUSTYBEEF said...

I wish...you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink...it's up to them..but it's definitely a lesson for my own life as far as what I don't want to happen with my own children and siblings.

Anonymous said...

Your dream had so many little aspects that rememinded me of the spat my brother and I have.

Two holidays have now passed and although we've been in the same houses for the celebrations, no words were exchanged. Last Sunday I swore I'd force the issue but when he moved from room to room each time I entered, I decided not to press the issue. Too many people were having too good a time for me to possibly gum up the works.

He's now had a surgery and recovering. What do I do? What DO I DO? Advice?

UD