Yes, yes, I know, my postings have been a bit random and scarce lately.
I'm presently drawing out postings in my head waiting for that sudden impulsiveness that causes me to gravitate towards our pc.
There will be a good one, a lengthy one, soon.
It's only a matter of time.
Granted Bigdogg and I returned safely and rejuvenated from our weekend in New York. It was just wonderful being away from our children. It was just wonderful not to have to reprimand anyone, not to scold anyone. We didn't want to be parents anymore after our weekend away.
Now, before you get all judgey judgerson on me, I'm JUST BEING HONEST-so deal with it.
I won't paint this Rosy picture that everything is just perfect. There's no such place-whatsoever. Somewhere else there is someone that isn't the flavor of the month. Somewhere else there is another parent thinking the exact same thing. It's human nature, after all.
I EVEN TOOK A NAP. ME! A NAP!! Those too things just don't go together. My usual mantra has always been, "I'll sleep when I'm buried." So you can see why upon our return, I was less than enthusiastic to return to the typical life of SAHM. Not that I didn't miss my boys tremendously-because I did. Not that I didn't talk about them, with bigdogg, and anyone that was willing to listen-because I did. Not that we didn't think of them when we walked into the airport-because I did. After going through security we had planned on pulling out our "old school card;" Back before the kids, Bigdogg and I when traveling, would walk through security and make a beeline for the nearest bar. Walk up, order a shot, down it, flip the glass over, and walk away.
That was our plan.
We walked in through security which was easy this time around.-I still thought of my boys.
We ended up eating McDonald's and getting coffee.-Probably because I was still thinking of my boys.
BUT IT WAS THE GREATEST TASTING NON RUSHED MCDONALD'S I'VE HAD IN AT LEAST 5+years.
We didn't pull out the "old school card," quite frankly because we're just too "old" and settled to involve ourselves in that former annoyance of headaches and hangovers.-Probably because I was still thinking of my boys.
We had a wonderful, glorious weekend. As much as I thought about my boys, I still didn't want to be back to the reality of it all. But, every vacation has it's "orange spot."
Now, changing the subject, I'm in sort of a poetic mood. The following poem was given to me when I was a Senior in HS from my Independent Living teacher, "Lady K." She has since passed away, unfortunately suddenly about a year or so ago. She was just a terrific teacher that didn't give a damn what others thought of her. At the end of the year, she'd present her seniors with this poem. The title of the poem that was presented to me is, "COMES THE DAWN."(Apparently there is another title for this same poem,(AFTER A WHILE) and some discrepancy as to where the origination came from.)
Here it is:
"After a While"
After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn that love doesn't mean leaning and company doesn't always mean security.
And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises
and you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes ahead with the grace of
a woman, not the grief of a child.
and you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for
plans and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.
After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much so you plant your own
garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure
you really are strong
you really do have worth
and you learn and you learn
with every goodbye, you learn...
© 1971 Veronica A. Shoffstall
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I still am learning