Therapeutic Murmur

There are many things, as parents, that you just have a difficult time watching. Some are part of life, some out of our control. Watching them grow up, yes, definitely out of our control. But, it's a part of life. As difficult as it is to watch their innocence slowly peeling away as life takes over, it's something as parents we have no choice but to accept, just as our own parents had to embrace it, so do we.

I'm not quite there for that part when the waters of parenthood grow deeper with the rough watered waves that can and will take over the entire household. I am fully aware of how lucky I am to have not been through some of the things you read other parents having had to experience. I am lucky and/or blessed (I go for both here, people) not to have to carry around the eternal glow of disaster or trauma with my young ones. There are many parents that experienced that aforementioned glow before they ever had an opportunity to kiss their newborn.

I'm one of those lucky ones.

As hard as this phase of parenting can be for me, it's nothing compared to what I'll see when my boys advance into their teens, the young adult phase, their mid twenties, the 'WHAT IN THE HELL ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR LIFE AND FOR GOODNESS SAKES STOP WASHING YOUR REDS WITH YOUR WHITES IN WARM WATER' phase.

Trying to picture the future as I gaze at their knowledgeable grown up self, their backs turned against me,toward the sunrise of their own future. There I am, hanging back taking it all in, observing every step that they have taken from day 0 to present. Watching them go down a different road then the one I painted for them-that I have had painted for them-on the canvas of motherhood, ever since the moment they were placed within my embrace.

I can't imagine and well, I can't think about that part of parenting yet because if I allow my mind to wander ahead under the murmurs of the future, it'll only make life now less enjoyable. So, I'll stop right now. I'm going to focus on the now and not the tomorrow. To have to think of the day when I have to let go of my boys so that they can fly into their wings as gentlemen will be something I'll face tomorrow. For now I will tackle the mini-mom moments that will help prepare me for that time when life does become real for them, and when they leave my "nest" so to speak. The moments of now when my young boys go through phases of growth that remind me to stop and think, "aww man, how did we get here so damn fast?"

I don't like it.

But as much as I don't like it I am fully aware that I do have to deal with it, regardless.

I have to deal with it!!

I never imagined what it'd be like before I became a parent and as much as I still have so much more to learn in life including the world of motherhood, I have a far better picture of what parenting is like, what it was like for my parents raising me, how I hope to be as a mother and how I really am as a mother.

Again, I don't like it. I've got to tell you that I'm not a big fan of the subtle lessons of today that are gently narrating me along the chapters that pertain to motherhood. All of these very lessons that will prepare me to accept the blow of letting go (of my boys) and giving them away to their own special paths, their own world, as I release them from my own .

(Ben mad that his sunglasses weren't on)**


(All better now)**

Just the other day when Sullivan Ben and I walked Jackson to school, when I stooped to meet Jack's eyes, when I was at his level, when I turned and kissed him on the face, he got embarrassed. His exclamation of "Ahh Mom" hit me directly in the part of my heart reserved for tender motherly moments.

Ouch! I've got to admit people, that it stung in that parenting unexpected sort of way. Like when that first day of preschool hits and you're all ready rock solid in your mom or dad armour for when your tot begins to cry at drop off. Only they don't cry and you walk away completely defeated because you actually anticipated feedback from them in the form of tears. An emotional way of showing you "thanks for all those years at home, mommy."

Then just as soon as you get over the no show of Emo's, one day, one morning, one afternoon when you're running late, or you are wearing two different pairs of socks, you get your period in route to the preschool and you just realized that your other child had a dentist appointment, rest assured, your preschool tot will bust out the tears stored from Emo land and scream in a manic I'm.not.lettin.go.I'm.clutching.onto.the.door.handle, "MOMMYYyyyyyyy don't leaaaaaaaaaavvvvvvvvvveeeeeeee me."

That's parenting for you.

But I have to let it go and kiss him earlier in the walk versus in front of door number 3 where his classmates line up to enter their own unique world.

Again, if these are the things that pierce that special area in my heart, I am very very lucky as a parent. I just have to remember to be adaptable.

You may recall me talking about when Jackson had pneumonia just past 6weeks old. At that time I would have been classified as a single parent. Dubbed a single parent with BDD living in another state, I had my cat, my bird and Jackson-and just enough money to "get by." The time of the year was winter so add that to the mix and it was very isolating. Being on maternity leave from November 7Th (his due date) until January 3rd was extremely lonesome after BDD returned to Florida. Funny thing about being lonely, after awhile it becomes part of yourself if you let it, like a person tagging along with you for a long walk into a new area of a neighborhood. Not always a good thing.

But when he had pneumonia that was a new world for me. Demanding things from doctors when I never was able to even stand up for myself. Having my mom and closest friends take turns meeting me at the ER and then spending the night with me at my cozy place so that I could run to get medications, just having them there for the comfort factor helped put the lonesome shadow to bed for a short time.That was a challenging time. But looking back, it still wasn't a big deal in the large scope of things compared to what other young new parents have had to deal with.

I am lucky.

Brian and I are lucky.

I'm in a new phase now in regards to parenting. Seeing one go off to school all day long so that now I'm left with two. Seeing only one package of pull ups/diapers on the top shelf of our closet because our second son has moved onto underoos himself. Seeing our third slowly grow into his personality as he screams just to be heard.

Phases phases phases! (MARSHA MARSHA MARSHA!!!)

Therapeutic? I would like to think so, but only when I'm looking back on that time somewhere off in the future.

No matter how many changes, no matter how many times I've witnessed different phases, there are certain images that stick with me from different parts of their young life. Images of what their little faces look like gazing up into my eyes with fear as they are administered doses of 'possible protection' from the germiest of germs from Germie-land.

Vaccines.

The tears over the shock of that prickly pinch, and silent crying rolling down their faces as that needle is stuck into them time and time again. Each time, every time, my own eyes well up with tears. Do I think vaccines are helpful? Ask me tomorrow, but not today or yesterday.

Yesterday Ben had three shots necessary for his health. Today he is limping with bruises on both thighs and a fever of 102.9, 103.1, 102.6. It's typical for my children to have reactions. But it still breaks my heart as they walk around clearly feeling like baby doodoo.

Could be worse.

In a few days I'll be receiving a call from Child and Family professionals Early Therapy Intervention. According to some pediatricians and the "charts," Ben's language is lacking, so they're calling in reinforcements to begin speech therapy within my own home. It's a state wide program that is available to children up until the age of 3 if they display signs of early language delay. I'm sure it will help him, this intervention process to get his little mouth running more with words then sounds. Yet as a young girl I too had a different language. Not a person could understand me, except my own parents.

There were people that mentioned concern to my mom that perhaps I may have issues with my hearing. Today I am long winded and detailed and speak so clearly you wish I would just shut my yap. Do I always pronounce words correctly? Nope but that's not what matters.

Now, will this in house speech therapy with a professional be helpful for Ben?

I'm sure it will be.

Is it necessary?
Ask me tomorrow but not today or yesterday.

But again I'm lucky.

We're lucky.

Sullivan had a flu shot yesterday and lucky for him there are no fevers or crabby dispositions" that his little bro is experiencing today.

I found out yesterday that he has a heart murmur.

Benign at this time.

I am lucky.

We are lucky.

But does it scare me a bit?
Ask me tomorrow but not today or yesterday.

WELCOME TO CRUSTYBEEF~
Someday I'll be at that very point in parenting that I mentioned at the start of this long winded post, the part where I have to let them go into their own self. For now I'll manage the heartaches of my own experiences with my own children and whereas each parent has their own issues to face with their own children, I'll be grateful that these are my issues, for I know I will never be given anything I cannot handle.

I think.

Until then I'll go back to polishing off an entire batch of fudge brownies that I baked yesterday. Fully equipped with powdered sugar and a big cup of half decaf/half regular coffee. Ask me tomorrow if I'll regret it, but not today or yesterday.

*Jack's first day of school*

TEXT PUCK

The following text msg was sent to Brian from my neighborhood girlfriend:
"yre grl is in the bthrm"
Then Brian's reply via text to her cell:
"is she pucking"
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I guess that's a new way to say puking.
No, I wasn't puking and oh, btw, she was just being funny giving my husband the play by play of what we were doing.

Last night was the ladies turn to have an evening out, so her and I walked into town and went to a newer restaurant with an outdoor terrace. We chose to sit out on the terrace and both ordered a salad and some Labatt's Blue on draft. We sat there for a few hours playing gin with her Santa Claus cards that she's had ever since college.

It was a nice time out.
Again, there was zero pucking.

What have you been up to for your Labor day weekend?
It's fun to just stay around the house on long weekends like this.

Welcome To Crustybeef~
May you have a nice weekend!
Make It A Great Day!
And please, no pucking.

Hectic and Peaceful

This weekend was crazy.
Brian pulled his back compliments of a child that isn't related to anyone in my family.
I had to push him out the door to attend his fantasy football draft with a few neighborhood guy friends.
He is in a lot of pain.

I have enjoyed the quiet.
Football is in town.
With backpain and sober picks for athletes.
My boys are in bed.
The bottle of wine--happily gone.
Kids asleep.
I am sipping alone.
Small bottle though.
One glass spilled.
The other warm so tossed.
So really threepointfiveglasses-yes I'm alone.
Should I be concerned?
You all know me, how often is this my habit?
Not ever.
My turn.


Now, I'm going to bed.
Sorry Brian, I know your back must really hurt, and I know you're probably in pain, but I really have to tell you that I'm hoping you don't wake me tonight.
Heal your back so you can be good for your firm tomorrow.
I'll always be waiting for you again.
Even though initiation changes when a guy earns a wife.

Welcome To Crustybeef~
Hectic week, peaceful way to end the weekend.

I,...

I,.....
keep my Grandparent's number saved in my home phone and cell phone directory not because I don't know their number, but because whenever Gramma calls my house my Grandpa's name pops up--even though he passed away Jan 14th 2003. So it reminds me of him.

I,....
save voicemails from relatives and friends when they're extra adorable and precious because I want to hold onto something in case the "something" should come and take them away from me. Just so I can hear their voice after they're gone. Like from Brian's Grandpa, our boys Poppy, who was born February 19th 1922.

I,....
never used to understand why it seemed that my mom appeared annoyed when I was a little girl and I woke up just as early as she did, so I could have some alone time with her(five kids you take what you can get). Although I'm sure it wasn't annoyance and more so constant sacrifice and giving and minimal alone time, yet I now understand because when my boys wake up before I've had a good amount of quiet time, I get annoyed and I show it.

I,...
always imagine running through the library screaming at the top of my lungs, and the thought of it, the visual in my mind makes me want to actually go through with it and do it.

I,...
would rather clean the toilets in my home then fold and put away laundry. This is coming from someone that has four penises to wipe up after too!

I,...
love organizing and even my inbox files reflect that much.

I,....
love to re-arrange things in my home. Matter of fact just last week I rearranged my living room, dining room, a recent kitchen rearrange from a few weeks ago and last Friday, my family room.
Not always because I crave change, but more so as a distraction. From when I injure myself or physically don't feel good. For example, last Friday we held an anniversary party at my home for my parents-it was to celebrate their 35th wedding anniversary that would take place August 17th, but they were going away on a trip and wouldn't be here so we did it on Friday. While I was crawling in the crawl space pulling things out, I nailed the "soft spot" on the top of my head against the beam of the house. I cried and felt sick, had a headache and felt really weird. It hurt.
So to distract myself from the pain, I changed around the family room and by doing so, I felt better.

I,...
thought I was pregnant about a week or so ago. Only it was thought to be a tubal pregnancy because of the symptoms I was having. Like being 2 weeks late with Pam, and having severe pain on the left ovary, being sick to my stomach and gagging without puking. Only after they drew blood, inserted a catheter in me to drain my urine, fill my bladder back up with an entire bottle of the sterile saline solution to do an ultrasound, drain it again after holding it for 15minutes, and then an internal ultrasound, my Gyne determined that thankfully I wasn't having an ectopic pregnancy. But we did discover other abnormalities that we are on a wait and see now with it. Possibly nothing more then endometriosis although to my knowledge that doesn't run in my family, possibly something else, we just have to wait for the next few Pam cycles to see if there are any more issues.

I,....
wish in a way that I had been having a tubal pregnancy because then it would've been handled with surgery, I'd heal and time would improve every thought that may or may not have run through my head, but it wasn't. So now we don't know. Sometimes knowing isn't such a bad thing after all.

I,....
was told by my Gyne that he has seen cases where women do get pregnant (a viable pregnancy) after having their tubes tied. Have I ever told you guys that I got pregnant with Jackson while on the pill?

I,....
have daydreams of having the opportunity to say hello to every single registered person in the state of Illinois--screw that, the entire US Of A. Wonder if that's feasible?

I,....
would be a fabulous paramedic but I would be a horrible ambulance driver. Which means I could never be a paramedic as much as I would love to be because ever since I became a mom my phobia's of speed in cars have grown to the point where my amazing husband and close close friends avoid having me as their passenger because I AM SUCH A FREAK and so TERRIFIED of being in a car crash. I couldn't drive an ambulance at top speeds are you kidding me? I'd be administering O2 to myself instead of the P.I.N (patient in need).

I,...
just made up P.I.N. I don't know what they refer to ambulance riders. It sounded good, didn't it?

I,....
really want to be a nurse working in the ER or in ICU

I,....
really don't want this to go on too long, so I'm done for now.

Welcome To Crustybeef~
Wanna share what your "I's" are?

The View from a Gates

Love him or hate him, he sure hits the nail on the head with this! Bill Gates recently gave a speech at a High School about 11 things they did not and will not learn in school. He talks about how feel-good, politically correct teachings created a generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept set them up for failure in the real world.

Rule 1: Life is not fair - get used to it!

Rule 2: The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

Rule 3: You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.

Rule 4: If you think your teacher is to tough, wait till you get a boss.

Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: they called it opportunity.

Rule 6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.

Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time.

Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

Welcome To Crustybeef~
Makes you think, doesn't it?
I am one that agrees with that first paragraph with the children of "today."
Thanks to my friend, Dnutz for the forward of this thoughtful email!

"Did You Know?..."

"Mommy. ...... mawwwwmeeEE!"
"Yes Jackson?" (as I put down the book that I was very engrossed in during the afternoon yesterday)

"Did you know that Tommy told me he ate a worm one time?"
"Did you know that he said it tastes like French fries?"

"Did you know that if you eat lots and lots of cake really fast with lots of frosting and then you go jumping up and down on the trampoline that you'll PUKKKEEEEEEEEEE!!! it all up?"
"Did you know that it happened to Tommy one time?"
"Did you know how I know that it happened to Tommy?"
"Did you know that he told me contrary to what Conner said, I believe him."


He's definitely getting older, my Jackson, when he starts to pick up on the influences of his peers and naturally their achievements. But who uses the word contrary at the age of 6.5?
It's precious and adorable but in the same breath it's sad because all of this, this growing up stuff, is. happening.way.to.fast for my liking!! Believe me I'm not one to boast about things, but it cracks me up how he uses vocabulary, he's far more "advanced" then I was at his age-just give me some barbies and books and a tree to read it in and I'm golden.
He grasps everything and engages himself at it 100%.

Onto other things, nothing much new here still very busy but all in good ways.-I guess. Don't give up on me my friends, I'm around even if it's every couple of days. I'm still walking bright and early on the weekdays and have even picked up a few stragglers that wanted to join in with me. So my two neighbor friends and I head out about 5:ooam every morning to gab and walk gab walk yakkity yak yakking away about our husbands, and our children, and our families and our dysfunctions and well, the sort of stuff you'd talk about with your friends I would guess-but in mom form.

I have to tell you that I'd never have guessed that I'd be one of those moms that walks and chats. But it's very refreshing and surprisingly I don't miss the quiet walks what so ever. Besides if I feel like I didn't get as adequate of a walk in the morning, then what I'll do is go to the track nearby and jog that for a mile or so with my music and quiet at the end of the day---usually though I am wiped out by 8:00am and ready to turn in to dreamland.

So how are you doing? Any plans in the next few weeks? I'll be by to visit hopefully within the next few days.

Aside from the crazy schedules of June life, I'm leaving with my boys to Florida June 30Th so I have that to prepare for as well as Sullivan's birthday-He'll be four July 1st.

Here's to a great Hump day and may all of you find something to make you smile today.

Welcome To Crustybeef~

Passed On

I know people that have oodles of items stockpiled and stored from many different points in their lives.
Perhaps a napkin from the restaurant that hosted "their first date."
Or a chair that has sat with dust in a basement for over 20years that was once her mothers.
Maybe every banking ledger that was always balanced to the penny in boxes on shelves near that chair that is collecting dust.
Notes from high school friends.
Knick Knacks and pictures.
45's (RECORDS!!) still play worthy wrapped in paper in a box box and another box that just sit there, never being played.
Quite possibly a band aid that remains tucked away in a dresser drawer reminding of the time When they were seen by a rather steamy hot doc.
Maybe a pregnancy test that showed positive.
The dried crust of your child's umbilical cord.
The first few teeth that they lost when they were 6 and 7.

I know people that feel the need to create the same meals that they had when they were growing up because that's what you're supposed to do. EH?
The meals that their mom or dad made for them. Because those meals are the best meals that have ever sat melting on a tongue. There are no meals better then the ones that were made by mom and pop. True, but seriously, is it so wrong if a meal that your great Granparents might have once prepared is something that you don't like the taste of? There are some that would scorn you if you turned your nose away from a meal made from the past. Because these very meals must be made in households today, or perhaps in a household similar to yours. The reason? Because they were once prepared by your mother or father or their mother or father, and it's only necessary to repeat the process, carry the torch and prepare them now-just.like.they.did. Make sure it's prepared the right way and make sure you call it the right name. But don't forget to make mention of the very most important fact:
The fact of where the meal came from, or the recipe, because naturally that's what is most important with aging and with our passed on elders.
Seeing Things and Remembering recipes.

When I die I don't want to be remembered for my recipes. I will not haunt my children's homes if they don't carry on the recipes of the meals that I made for them that caused their tummies to turn happiness flip flops. I will not be offended if they don't name drop when making a breakfast casserole for their children in some 20+ years from now. Or whenever I go.

I don't want to leave my children with the task of dividing or disposing of the material memories of my life. To me that just doesn't seem fair. Remember, I'm talking about things like band aids, pregnancy tests, notes between my husband and I, my old bank registers, my very very old stock records, my very old and still current list of medical aliments and their dates and the doctors..and when I was seen, and how much I weighed, and how skinny I was back in high school....materials. silly silly materials.
Take family photos if you want. If I build things, you may take that if you want to. But I promise not to be offended if you'd rather just sell it all in an estate sale because I hope my children value something else more so then just "things."

I guess there are people out there that are so consumed with their past that they feel the need to hold onto every single material thing that relates to "back then" in order to prevent the memory from fading within their brain. In order to prevent the memory from dying when they do. To make certain that it carries on in other generations.
To have that constant visual of "when I" is just not important to me.

Nope!! For me I just want to be remembered. I want my children to just remember me by using their minds and not by looking at all my things. Just Sell everything! It's only objects. I won't fade from their memories if my old curtain rod isn't hung in a bedroom of theirs.
Sell it all.
Just remember me in your mind.
Period.
Nothing material about that.
And until I pass on, I would like to hold onto all the glory days of my past solely in my mind. I don't need a band aid to remember the time I fell and skinned my knee and met my prince charming.


Welcome To Crustybeef~
Nothing material about that.
I know I said it twice.

Memorial Memories

Memorial Day is a US Federal Holiday that occurs every year in May on the last Monday of the month. It is a day that everyone should be remembering and honoring all the fallen soldiers from any war that the United States have been involved with. For any solider killed while in military service for their country. Men Women, there is no difference on Monday it is a day to respect and again, honor those that have died in any military war or action.

For the intent of this holiday, there is no work. Banks are closed, schools too. Most towns -that I know of at least- will have a parade that strolls through the main street of your town, and in the town that I live in, the parade will begin on the north side of our town and wind her way all the way down until they stop at the final spot-the cemetery.

Almost everyone that I know of welcomes this day. For some, like our little ones, they're just happy to have a "day off" from school. Perhaps that's the case with the older ones as well. You're not required to do anything, although it'd be nice if everyone did stop at some point on this day to remember those that sacrificed their lives for wars that were warranted, or not. To remember those that gave up the opportunity to grow old, to have children, to get married, to celebrate wedding anniversaries, to see their children grow, to see their town, state and Country grow and change-again for good or bad- they gave all of that up.
Pretty powerful if you ask me.

Jackson reminded me yesterday that there will be Veterans in the Memorial Day parade this coming Monday. It was a good reminder. I have to admit that there have been times in my life that I've been so wrapped up in the fact that I have a three day weekend, a day off, or the fact that I have some smashing BBQ to attend, that I didn't stop and take a moment to remember what this day is for. Now that may seem cold and harsh but it is the truth and the reality of my past Memorial Days.

Having become a mom, a wife and also having three boys, the reality of soldiers and war weighs constantly on my mind. Perhaps because my boys enjoy playing army with their green guys, or maybe because it scares me to death that I could be one of those moms sitting at the parade honoring one of my babies that lost their life for something that I cannot even fathom how intense, having never been in any form of military. It could just be the fact that I am now finally "all grown up" and no longer have worries of boys, zits, Friday night football games, or the likes of it all to concern myself. I am aware and also have the reality of what this world is all about. Through news stories online, on the radio, on TV, all points of communication that discuss the war of today as well as the Wars of the past, and yes it's tragic, and terrifying and again a reality. Both my Grandpas were in the military and lucky for our family they made it home.

I guess as I'm thinking out loud on this virtual paper that it's just good to stop and remember. I guess for me it's good to have a reminder of others that have lost a loved one to wars and that could someday become a part of my own reality. Do I want to face that? Of course not. I'd want to face that as much as I fear dying, naturally even more. But it's there, and again, it's a reality..

You can be sure that on Monday I will have a moment of my own time, a moment to create silence within my own mindset and thankfully remember those that have lost their lives, even though I will not know their names, or where they came from, or how old they were when they died...but what matters is that they are remembered for their sacrifice whether by choice or not. You won't see me reflecting on whether the Wars are valid or not, but instead I will remain focused on remembering people.

****************************************

So, now that I have THAT off my chest, moving on, here's what's going on this weekend on yet another very busy memorial day weekend. There are graduations going on, BBQs and parades.
For us we have out of town guests from Florida, Brian's cousins, in town this weekend. They stayed at a hotel in the heart of Downtown Chicago last night as well as tonight and we will be catching up with them later this evening. They're in town for a few reasons: One to see us and our boys, two to catch up with a college roommate, and three because our cousin in law (wife) has joined a new firm in Florida that will have her involved in traveling up here on occasion so she wanted to get used to the area on nonlegal time.

Tonight we-meaning Brian and I- will be meeting up with them in Greek Town for dinner and live Greek music overlooking the lights and tall buildings of our Chicago town.

Tomorrow the Five (BDD, Me, and our three) of us will be taking the train into Chicago and then from there a water taxi over to Navy Pier where we'll meet up with them again for a day exploring Navy Pier with the children and sitting down in the beer garden to listen to some live music. As the day draws to a close the five of us along with our cousin and his wife will head back home to our town via the train and from there we plan on introducing them to a delicious version of Chicago Style Pizza, Lou Malantis.

On Memorial Day itself I will wake up early as usual to do my thing and have some time for remembering what this day is all about. I will then prepare my infamous breakfast casserole, breakfast jalapeno burritos and cinnamon rolls. Soon after breakfast we will walk a few blocks to sit and watch the parade while waving our flags and delighting in the expressions on our boys faces as they display glances of pure innocence about what is dancing in front of their eyes.

After the parade we will return home and will meet up with the babysitter that I have hired so that Brian and I may take his cousin and wife to a Cubs game. If you happen to turn on the game, look for us over at the first base line about 6 rows up, or so, give or take. I plan on wearing my favorite color, yellow. That could change though based on how much laundry we manage to get done, which in itself is a WHOLE OTHER STORY.

From there we will leave Wrigley field and head straight to Ohare where we will say our goodbyes to our cousins that are just about 30 years old, and will wish them a safe flight home and a "We'll see you guys over the fourth of July" in Florida farewell.

Even though it is yet again a very busy three day weekend, I for one plan on remembering and honoring.

Welcome To Crustybeef~
A good weekend to all of you!

Resolutions With Engaging HD Pixels

New Years Day holds true, I find myself with a headache, nursing my coffee like it's a baby coyotes bottle, and thinking about the events from last night.

You would really enjoy your neighborhood with friends such as we have over on the next block.

It's all fresh of course, this growing friendship, but it's refreshing and peaceful, and free of all negativity, because it's new of course. Naturally in time, like any true relationship, it evolves into comfort, and you see all-the good and bad-which is still fine. But, isn't it nice to still go back to those "honeymoon periods" with what you have presently? To look back on it and reflect about the newness of friendships, and relationships.

We spent New Years a block away with 4 couples, and 2 grandmas of theirs, also, 10 kids plus the five of us, and we had just a blast. We drank pomegranate martinis, wine, and mixers. We ate cheese baked mushrooms, meatballs, cucumber sandwiches, mini eclairs, cake, veggies, pita and hummus, mini bagel dogs, chips, and pistachio's. The kids all played wonderfully together downstairs and we congregated in their dining room. The couples just laughing and talking about everything. We mesh this group. There is such a mixture to us all, too. But, we all get along, and rib each other, laugh with each other, like I said, it's fresh, and that in itself is a nice refreshing pixel with our live as parents with young children.

One is from Teaneck New Jersey with a 21 year old daughter, one is a former teacher from Georgia, another an executive with a large bank, but formerly a missionary with the prankster talent like you won't believe:

I found myself driving around my blue mommovile with the words car painted on the back of my mini-van in rusty red, "Hey Sexymomma, I have MANBOOBS." We drank and naturally grew silly, but we all were kind. Some of the group have truck driver mouths, although you'd never know it by looking at them, another couple has the 21 year old daughter, and a 4th grade son with some type of sensory disorder, but you should witness his love for music, when music is on, you don't recognize his hands twitching.

We just really enjoyed ourselves laughing and telling stories all night long. Learning what makes us tic, like the former prosecutor that has this mean intense looking face, but is as gentle as a lion, twin sisters born today, now 37 as of new Years day.

We sang happy birthday to the twin sisters due on St Patrick's day but born early at 3lbs 8 oz each-ironically my birth weight. We dressed all the children up in their winter wear and running outside with confetti, noise makers, loud voices, we screamed Happy New Years, the kids laughing with glee. Some of us texting the ones that we love. All the children lasted, including our Ben. He walked around the main level of their home with his thumb in his mouth, and his other hand straight down his pants, very Al Bundyish. Playing Football with my friends twin sister, playing trains with their little 2.5 year old boy. All of us having different times on our cell phones, or watches, yelling out, "It's 11:51pm, NO, it's 11:54pm,..." Some of us receiving texts from friends of ours in different time zones, ahead and behind, and smiling silently wishing everyone a Happy Happy New Year.

Remembering something new, something there, something comfortable, but the refreshing honeymoon stage reminder through our new growing friends. My friend the birthday girl twin, in her buzzed haze expressed something kind to me last night, she told me how amazing it is to watch when I am laughing, or telling a story, and my eyes are sparkling, someone is sitting across from me, watching me, his eyes twinkling and happy that I'm happy. The love is obvious, and it's a wonderful reminder about the balance our relationship holds. As life in our dashes move along, as time defines our dash, we need these reminders to keep what matters first.

It's nice to see other people doing good for other people. Caring for each other. When one mom is sick, even with a cold, dad will stay home no matter how long to care for the children. Another dad when mom is sleeping on the sofa after throwing a New Years Eve party, will clean the entire house hands and knees scrubbing, sweeping, cleaning, mopping, as mom sleeps through it on the sofa, after the start of her midnight birthday celebration, but her being born with her twin around 5:00am. Another husband understands that his wife needs her old friends time away, and he gives it to her. She gives him an excellent rate of return. Each couple compliment each other wonderfully. Everyone is responsible, but sharing fun tails of their lives when in college, or High school, or in their twenties-their lives before children. We have a bond this group and most likely from our children knowing their children, being in the class, us living so close, but this is where it all begins in having young school age children. It starts with us adults making the effort by giving and going to playdates, and it's a wonderful thing to have. This helpful, fun loving neighborhood.

It's nice to see characteristics in our friends that are similar to Bigdogg and I. For me, it's nice to see that I'm not the only lucky one that has amazing spouses. I know how much I'm given, and it's nice to see other people being able to experience similar love with their spouses as I have with Bigdogg.

It's nice to have a friend witness the love you have for one another. How we can approach each other in a room full of people, slip our hand around his waist, and give him a loving peck. Maybe a tap on the tush, a physical reminder from each of us. That's the trick, you see, is keeping a common balance. Of giving equally of different ways. It's being reminded of how much you care about each other by your friends.

These high definition views of the pixels of our dash, give me reminders of all the resolutions important in my life. To keep in order my dash, giving everyone the person that I am, being myself. Being a good example for my God,leading a good respectful life, being a good wife, a good person to myself, a good mother, friend, relative, elder, the list goes on and on in no specific order. To stand strong with the love for one another, like the height of skyscrapers in the Chicago sky.

Through this crazed hung over martini headache, the reminders of my past resolutions are a fabulous gift to have on a day like today. For today is not only the day of New Years, but is also the day that Bigdogg and I got engaged. Over the sunset on a dock near the bay in our old backyard when we lived in Florida, the sunset apparent as he was down on his knee, the water lapping up against the side of the dock, the manatees were out that day, as it was a warm New Years day in Florida, and it was a beautiful way to start our own engaging High definition life together.

A wonderful visual from our friend.

A playful and seductive kiss for one another.

Children content and peacefully playing.

Football is on in the back ground-go ILLINI!

The normal routine for this family on New Years,

but with a wonderful reminder of the day New Years Day,

that Bigdogg and I got engaged.

A wonderful addition to my dash.

A wonderful resolution that takes your breath away with the emotion of this couple.

Welcome To Crustybeef~
I love you Bigdogg, thank you for this wonderful day.

Happy New Years Day to all of you!
Sorry for the ramble-Big SHOCKER! :)

In a NON Crusty world

NOT PROOFREADING, so please, no need to point out my errors, I'm tired and this is me. :)


So when you go out with three boys ages 6, 3.5, and 1.5, to run "short" errands, don't count on any of it being short.

When the FIRESTONE Guy says, "yeah, it'll be just OVeR an hour for the complete diagnostic test, and oil change," don't believe him.

When you plan out your after school special, do it in your head.
When you plan out your oil change "short run" in your head, do it like this:
(Now pretend that you're thinking to yourself, okay?)

Pick up Jackson from Carpool lane arriving in lane no later than 3:25pm as usual so not to be at the ass back of line.

Drive over to Firestone for the oil change, and while they're doing their tune up on the car, take the double wide and stroll over to the pet store so the boys can look at the puppies, birdies, snakes and bunnies.

Next, head over to another store near by and pick up the gift for the sibling who's name you selected in the "LETS PICK NAMES and PRACTICE Christmas," Hat. (Can't tell you guys in case the person I picked reads my blog..remember I have two sisters and two brothers and two brother in laws could be any one of them!!)

Return to Firestone and pay for the oil change that you haggled down to $16.99 because you're the maven. Making sure that includes running the diagnostic tests and replenishing any lost fluids including the windshield wiper fluid.

Stop at a Toy and baby clothes drop off-haven't gone yet, anyone want them? Long story will try to explain here.

Return home and make Tuscan style Chicken with noodles, a side of chunky cinnamon apple sauce, some regular dinner rolls and fresh green beans that you picked up at the Jewel after you left the store that you bought the secret sibling Santa present for.

Don't forget to bring a blanket to cover up Ben while in the stroller.
Don't forget to watch Frosty at 7pm, and Scooby Do Christmas at 8pm with the boys.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

Only, it didn't go that way:

Picked up Jackson after seeing A.Grabber, the neighborhood dad that is the guy that I've talked about, that I just get this weird feeling about. Whenever I see him, my neck hairs stand up on the back of my head...yikes!
The line was really long, and people must be early today, or I late? It went fast, but the line was long.
Drove to Firestone to get an oil change.
Climb out of car and head to the back to open up the hatch to get the stroller, and just a big black bag of my toys and clothes donation that I am teaching my boys to do every year..to go through things together, and give were there. Nothing else. Back to the bag of toys and clothes, everyone today seems to have way to much,well, not "everyone," but I think each of us knows when we're walking that border of over induldge. If not, no big deal, but I, well, I like simple, and unique..worked hard for, cash, cash, everything with saved cash. ..but anyways, like I said, the stroller was gone.

"SHeet," I think to myself, "come onnnnn, seriously, why didn't I check for the stroller to make sure it was there?"


DING!!!!!!!!!!! FIRST ERROR BESIDES A.GRABBER

So no stroller and Firestone guy says 1hour 15minutes until it's done. "No problem, I'll just have to carry Ben to the stores. It's a walk, but I can do it, the kids can walk in their boots, and if there's snow on the sides of the sidewalks, they can carefully trample through that and have fun."

We arrive at the Petstore to look at some cute puppies-"NO! Not To buy! It's like going to the zoo in winter time for my boys..it's fun."
Jackson and Sullivan watch the store clerk feed the ball pythons and gecko's, they look at the birds and each tell me which one they'd pick if they could have it, and what they'd name the bird.
This pattern continued with each different live viewing. "Which one, what's the name, how are you going to take care of it?" Jackson fell in love with this adorable kitten. A domestic/Siamese mix. But you can adopt those from the humane society, and the clerk told me they were $240 and comes with a home health care kit: microchipped, litter box, 20lb bag of litter, an amber alert id with some doggie find website for life time, a wty with the pet for 7 days, and one year for certain diseases, 2 litter bowls, two snacks, oh and the kitten.

Personally? You shop smart? Adopt the same animal at a shelter, the donation money goes towards the shelter. You can shop at a PETCO for inexpensive bargain same things, and still come ahead. Besides now, at least with dogs, they must be microchipped...so that's not really any added bonus as a selling point, if you ask me. Go the shelter route, trust me. Every person I have ever known that have gone the shelter route, have the best, most unique pups ever!


Walk to another store near by for my siblings "SSLPC," gift. Get in the store and the two older ones were warned not to misbehave, to be polite, and aware of their surroundings. All was good until one was "LOOKING at the other," or, "talking too much." Jackson did shock a store employee as we were down by some toys, because when he walked by, he turned up and looked at her in her eyes and said, "excuse me, please." Awwwwwwwww, my Jackson!
But with each other, they were just ribbing and pissing each other off, at the age of 6 and 3 over the most ridiculous banter, although I know I did it to with my sisters.

They were cranky, and disruptive and it cost them a McDonald's. That really made Sullivan mad, and then we ran into our neighbor and friend that is part of our group, and her two children, and Sullivan, man Sullivan. He couldn't walk. He couldn't turn around. He tried climbing underneath the cart and then got his head turned around and he thought he was stuck, but he wasn't, but he honestly thought he was, which set him up even more. Heck, even in the Petstore, one wanted the puppy, one wanted the kitten,..Good GAaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwddd!

Suddenly I smelled urine-yup, Ben had soaked through his diaper and tan courderoy pants. Jackson had to go pee and I couldn't find the bathroom, I did eventually, but not without a lot of complaining with Jackson. No, no accidents.

We run into our friends and then our mailman that sent us a card. And calls me a stubborn hard headed girl, and how he's going to have to speak to my father about my stubbornness. Yeah, he's right. Then, I check the time and it's over one hour and 45 minutes and still no call about what if any was wrong with the van. They always do the check on it, they always call to say, nothing found that needs attention, just the oil change? And I say "yes, please." So I call them and they still haven't even looked at my car.

So, I'm diaper less, stroller less, and somehow Ben lost his glove on the way to the first store, the pet store. Keep in mind he's been sick, and with him having been sick, and now as of tonight, getting sick again, I bought him new gloves that he could wear on our way back out of the store. I'm actually getting sick too, the back of my throat feels horrible, and I'm really tired and worn down and crampy. NEXT DING!

Walking back I realize that Pam is walking behind me! "SHEET!!" Nothing, no diaper, no stroller, 3 gloves, and sniffles, PAM! With nothing to stop her.
Unreal.

Finally, we walk back to Firestone, I call them again at 5:55 and we had dropped the van off at 3:35pm, they had just pulled the van into the service bay.

We got home after 6:45pm.
Stroller-less
Diaper-less
Without A Pam-Blocker.
Sick.
Crampy.
Tired because Ben woke last night again.
And SOOOOOOOOOO incredibly excited to tell you about something, and SO INCREDIBLY EXCITED that it's almost 5 days until Christmas! I'm sooooooooo excited!

Welcome To Crustybeef~
Bet you didn't see that one coming! I am so excited and in lieu of the Christmas season, I did go through drive thru McDonald's for my boys, it was a long walk and it's understandable to be cranky at their usual supper time. They ate late tonight, and even though I don't always eat with them, I will sit with them and talk with them, and feed Ben, but they eat between 5:15-5:30, this was a very late dinner night for them, and on a school night.
But, tis the season to bend the rules.
Have you been extra friendly?
Have you bent the rules any?

How To Be Me

Everyone tells me how I should be.
How I should act.
How I should react.

But whatever happened to me just being me?
Is it not good enough?
Do they despise me?
Do they hold jealousy wishing they could somehow emulate me?
My mannerisms or way of my emotional givings?

I don't know, but the more I try to be me, the more I get further and further away from those that I try to just be me around.

Because it's never good enough.
Never perfect.
Corrected or ignored.
Interrupted or disregarded.

But to me, according to me, I have growth each day.
I don't fear to learn what heartache is.
I don't fear to learn disappointment anymore.
I just don't want it anymore.

If it's not good enough for you, then obviously you've never allow me to be me.
Trying incessantly to please.
Because I like being me.
I like making happiness and peace.
I like being there for all-FOR ALL!
I like to forgive and turn the other cheek-sometimes too many times, but my cheek turns each time after the initial smack.

So why does it have to be that I have to be told that I shouldn't please?
So why does it have to be that I have to be told that I should control?
That I shouldn't control.
Should.
Shouldn't.
Be me.
Be you-but stop trying to please and make the world happy.

Is that so bad to want that?
Because it is after all who I am.

To want togetherness and love?
Is it wrong to tell me that I shouldn't be me?

To pray and hope for forgiveness?
How am I supposed to be me, when I'm not supposed to please?

Sure though, sadly,even with all of it, it is nice to be thought of in a good way.
It's nice to have it given back, and to be thought about.

But the more I'm me, the more I end up pushing people away.
Tragic if you ask me, but than again, I'm just me.

Welcome To Crustybeef~
sigh..................
How To Be Me....never good enough no matter how hard I try.
But I'm still the dumbass that tries to please-my own fault I guess.
Ignorance they'll say.
But what if it is just who I am?
What about considering me?
What about trying to seek me out, to need me for more value than just that person that is known as a mom?

very frustrating..the same cycles continue again and again.

Rest Day

***QUICK UPDATE QUICK QUICK!!!! I don't have time to spell and grammer check this so if you find errors, overlook them. My errors may make me seem silly, and that's okay, but it may get confusing so at least you're aware ahead of time. teehee-I'm in a bit of a rush, we're leaving in 20 and I haven't showered yet.***

******UPDATE 2---I had written out the post prior to the update listed above, I then realized what time it was, and that I didn't have time to shower or spellcheck, so I decided to post and not spellcheck,grammar check it...I am a fast typer, but I don't think that fast...20minutes to type this...nawwwwwww....****************************


The reason for the unplugging was due to a 'few' plans that we had listed for this weekend almost past.

Some things haven't panned out and that's due to the fall illness that works itself around homes, getting into children's ears and making fevers go up to 102.2 with lots of little chills.

=======Feel better my little family member guy!!======

Some of the things on our list for this weekend had good intentions going in, and even though it started off rather braided and rocky it turned out fun!:

We had a date with our three little threes to meet up for breakfast at McDonald's because they wanted to play and with the weather changing when you blink, it's just way to cold to play leapfrog outside in the morning!! So we left our home around 7AMish and took our boys to McDonald's as promised!! They had their first egg McMuffin meal and both Jack and Sullivan loved it!! Ben had his first hot breakfast platter with pancakes and sausage. We figured we'd change it up and take them to a fun indoor breakfast. All was going great as Bigdogg and I sat sipping our coffee and I trying their cinnamon melts that were delicious!! When suddenly Ben had this look of 'pushing concern' on his face. Guess what? We didn't bring a new pull up with nor a new diaper.
C
R
A
P
!!!

I scooped him up and took him to the washroom, removed his diaper and held him tandem over the toilet as he dropped some braided wonders into the attar of roses. The poor guy was clearly not happy with this type of suspension and he definitely made sure the people around the washroom door heard his annoyance too!!

After the act, little Hamean did settle down and cleaned up and wiped up, diaper back on(since it was still clean), we returned to the animals that he loves to climb up on.

McDonald's had a busy morning, bustling with seniors meeting for their coffee, a man sitting off alone looking quite ragged and tired and sore. I could have sworn he'd been crying because his eyes were quite puffy, that type of look that your face takes on after tears have been shed. He had dirty brown short trimmed hair, and a grey coat with two long deep pockets along side missing zippers. He didn't make eye contact with anyone that walked by him, and it wasn't until I got up closer to him, that I noticed the white mark indentation of where a ring must have sat on his ring finger.
Maybe a recent death of a spouse? Or maybe a divorce? Maybe he lost his ring and is scared to go home? I have no idea what the reason is, those are only thoughts that I had in my head. I just hope that where-ever his day took him, he found a reason to smile.
Whatever he was facing or dealing with, I wanted to go up and rescue him, but I knew I couldn't.

Two women sitting in a booth on the other side of the playplace near us having a rather intense but positive conversation- you could tell by the twinkles they held up near their eyes. What I enjoyed most about these two women is that at the end of their McDonald's visit, they leaned in to each other, clasped each others hands and closing their eyes, they began praying quietly.
For a good day, maybe? Or maybe to help them deal with whatever they were facing themselves. I just found it to be a nice scene to see that those two didn't care about what people thought around them. And from my observations it was nice to see that the people sitting around them didn't mind that the ladies were quietly praying.

The boys enjoyed their breakfast and we left there with happy faces and went straight to our public Library to the Children's section to find some new books and DVDs for the days evening.
They always pick out Ispy and Where's Waldo and I have to admit these are great books!
We love books over in this house, and that is one thing I can say that we consistently do, is read to our boys! Yesterday was filled with story books of "Dream Jars," and "Oh Yeahs," and Boys that invent monsters while camping outside! The one that I found most amusing (and I think it's due to seeing the word used over at Souls, and Simon SaysFIX IT,and JyankeesNew Beginnings,) is the book, Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs! Now that is a fantastic book!!

We were due to head to a Halloween party later that day but the party host child caught that fall fever bug, so the party was postponed.

Today is another fun out of the house day heading out with my sister, brother in law and their own tiny family:
GOEBBERTS FARM!!
CORN!!
PIG RACES!!
PUMPKIN PATCHES!!
PONY RIDES!!
Hot apple cider!!

and,

Our pals one block over are having a block party for their street, and have asked us to come as well. The group of people that we have been spending lots of time with for the past few months, consist of 4 families plus us,that I've spoken of briefly before:
Family 1:
Mom "Cathy" was the one that had surgery a few weeks back that we baked a meal for.
Her husband who has the same "real name" as Bigdogg, is an absolute HOOT to be around, and would you believe when he was out in South Africa mountain climbing, he fell off a mountain to avoid being bit by a cobra snake and survived to obviously talk about it!! Great guy, with very similar quirky mannerisms as Bigdogg.
Their three children:
"Austin," age 9- although he acts much older.
"Gavin" who is in Jack's class.
And "Peyton," age 4 who just adores Sulli and Ben, she always brings them a doll to play with.
They are very sweet, they enjoy their beer cold, their wine red, and they moved from Georgia last year, sick of the drama's of the school system, according to mom "Cathy" a former 3rd grade teacher staying home to raise the children instead.

-part of the Indian Guides Tribe that Bigdogg and Jackson belong too, also part of the group that went camping last weekend-dad's and sons only!

Family 2:
Mom "Stacey" who admits to being a Trekkie, she has always been sweet and ready to help anyone should they need it. Her parents are in town this week visiting from Arizona and to spend time with their grand kids. She was very career driven and she laughs when we talk about our "pasts" because she said that she never thought in a million and one years that she'd be a stay at home mom of children. Now, she says, although she misses the working world, she's glad for the opportunity to stay home. Not all of us have that luxury, she says, and she's right.

Her husband "Bob" that is also a huge Miami Dolphins fan like Bigdogg, they can go on an on about football until well, who knows!

Their children,
"Joe" age 10-so sweet this boy is, he cried when they got rid of his diaper genie even though he had grown out of diapers since age 2. This boy cries when someone steps on an ant, he is just a tender soul and what I love is that "Stacey" doesn't ruin that side of him.
"Meggie" age 6-also in Jacks kindergarten class, she enjoys running around with the boys, but she'll set them straight if they get out of line. She is the shortest of the kid group, with the curliest hair you've ever seen.

--"Bob" and "Joe" also part of the Indian Guides tribe, they too went camping last weekend!

Family #3:

Mom "Kina" who has admitted she has the flaky personality of Susan from Desperate housewives. She was born a twin sister, the first NewYears day baby in 1970something. She weighed the exact same amount that I did when I was born, and that was 3lbs 6oz. We spend quite a bit of time together, and help each other out the most. Maybe because of the age, or connection, but out of everyone her and I think most alike. Similar family pasts, similar dysfunctions, similar pasts ourselves although at different times.

She was a kindergarten teacher until they had their 2ND child. Then they decided what was best for themselves, and that was for mom to stay home to raise them. They have a simple and nice way of living and you would think that they would have more according to the label of dad, "Josh," being a prosecutor. He recently joined a private practice last year,having left working for the gov't after all these years.

But would you believe that up until a year or so ago, they lived up in a town called Schaumburg, Il (near the town I used to live in -Hoffman Estates- years ago) in a two bedroom Town home although they had three children. They don't believe in having all that extra stuff, and husband "Josh" is a football diehard Illini Fan.

Dad "Josh" and Bigdogg have some things in common, one being that when people meet both of them, they think they look mean. People think that Bigdogg has a mean face, or that he always looks mad, as people tell "Josh" all the time. They spent a few hours last weekend on the camping trip texting their buddies over the scores of last weeks College football games.

GO CANES!!

Kids:
"Sela" who is in 2nd grade. Her birthday is two days after our baby Ben's in late July.
"Jackson" who is in kindergarten as well, but goes in the morning.
and my little pal, "Tyler" who I watch on Wednesdays, he looks just like his dad, he's umm, lets see, age 2. His birthday a few days after Sullivan's in early July. He is so cute, with dimples on both cheeks and even his chin..

---Dad "Josh" and "Jackson" are also a part of the Indian Guides tribe, they too went camping last weekend..and Dad Josh drank the rest of their Jack Daniels. :)---

Family 4:

Mom "Caren" she is a full time attorney that has her own practice, a crafty woman by night, she is the neighborhood sewer, and crafty crafter. She reminds me the most of my friends that I've known since age 20. She can make anything out of anything, and is going to help sew some cool curtains for my kitchen window. Blazing red hair, freckles on her face, she found and married her true love clear out in Fort Wayne Indiana.

Dad "Pat," the stay at home father, he does work full time but does it from home. He works in the computer world, and I'm sure that's equally challenging as it's him that's the one that prepares his child for the day while working a fulltime job as well. I give him credit because I don't know how I'd manage. He is also an amazing carpenter that I know I've spoken about before, he's the one that built that tree house for their only son. "Pat" is a nice guy, I think he's had a rough past, he's the one that inspired me to quit smoking, as for years he was a serious smoker. He told me he grew up around muscle cars, engines, cigarettes and beer. When he and Caren moved in together, after getting married, they lived down in Chicago which was a huge eye opener for him, he said. And then he laughs and says, "When we moved to -OUR TOWN now- that was even more of an eye opener. It took me awhile to get used to how nice everyone was/is.

He quick smoking last year and has since been in training to run the marathon. He is the only one though, I must say, that I've had a harder time connecting with. Something about his bedside manner. I'm sure in time that will pass. But my instincts haven't ever failed me in the past.

They have one child, and you guys all know who he his, he's that one that spoke sassy to me that day at the park. The one that has high levels of anxiety, and as of most recent, Mom "Caren" adopted him a cute little kitten. He is, out of the group of a children, the most aggressive one, but perhaps that's just his way of dealing with something else hidden on his horizon?

His name is "Jack" and he too is age 6, he too is in my Jackson's class, and there are good things about him. His parents talk to him very maturely, almost as if they're on the same level. In fact, Mom "Caren" just explained to him the other day that there are boys that marry boys and girls that marry girls. As my mom says, the older my own children get, the more I'll begin to see different styles of parenting. I think it's fantastic. You'd be surprised at how you can tweak your own styles by learning about others. I don't think there's anything wrong with any of my new pal's styles, they may have differences than mine, and vice versa, but we all get along.

-----Dad "Pat" and son "Jack" also are in the guys Indian Guides tribe, and was part of the camping trip last weekend. He too helped "Josh," "Bigdogg," "SameName," and "Bob," finish off the Jack Daniels drink at last weeks camp out.

There are many more people that will be at this block party, I've meet maybe three other families that have older children than mine, but they are all quite fun to hang out with. And for me it's nice to be able to walk over to the next block, and just stop over and say hi!!

If you look back at the beginning of my blog, and how I felt, with things around me, you can see how change occurs. I am content that I am meeting new people, growing new friendships, starting to see more support right near where I'm at. For a long time I felt so isolated with the little ones. I have my close closest friends but most of them, well, they don't live in the same state as I, or they don't have children yet, those that live here, and it's harder to see them because of our different lifestyles of present. No matter how often I may speak to them, or talk through the ways of email, it can still get lonesome for me because I couldn't turn around hop in my car and drive to see them. These people that are coming to be a part of my life on my next block, is a refreshing turn for me. Will these new found pals become my best friends? I have my best friends already, that will never change, this is just a nice thing to be building other friendships. To have new support at reach should I need it. Now if only my friends from my 20's, could only live next door to one another have all of our 'life happen' to each other at the same time. :)

But until that happens, I will continue to grow my support and friendships with these nice people. Their backyards back up to the schools playground, it's nice to hang out there as the children are safe and within eyesight but still at their own wing length to feel a bit more freedom.

The streets are closed off for the party on the next block, and we'll all meet in the street, bringing appetizers to share, and to fill in our names in the suggested directory of our neighborhood. The kids will be able to ride their scooters, or bikes, back and forth in the street, a treat that they'll love and it'll be safe!! And I'm looking forward to gathering with all the moms as the dads gather together and we look like those elementary parties grouped up and separated by gender. It happens everytime! :)

Welcome To Crustybeef~
Here is another VLOG: I call it "KARMA WHY."
As you guys know, Sullivan loves to ask why. He loves to respond with "cause he wants too" as well. So, I gave him a dose of his own medicine the other day.
Enjoy!



HAVE A GREAT REST DAY TODAY!!

Aftermath Post Horoscope

ha! After my last post regarding needing music to manage, I happened to fall upon my horoscope that shows up on my homepage each day.
Here's what it says:

"There is a lot to be said for being hopeful and having a positive attitude, but you must balance your optimism with caution today. If you let yourself get too caught up in what your fantasy life could be, you will miss out on some important information that pertains to your real life. So temper your zeal with a healthy dose of realism. Do your research, and you won't be disappointed. This is not a time to take major risks -- there is too much instability in the air."


You're not kidding me!
Welcome To Crustybeef~

Needing Music To Manage

I feel "unwritten" today.
I feel disconnected today.
I feel the emotions unraveling from the seams of the newly colored hair.

He's such the contrarian.
Not willing to acknowledge change.
Even in hair.
Even with new found antique treasures place near the eyes at suppertime.


Pushing buttons.
Words not able to be agreed upon.
But I still push for acceptance.

WHY?
Just show me your approval!
I'm just a little girl around you.
Looking for that glimmer, that twinkle in your eyes during lifes most safe times.
I need you when things are hard. But I need you when things are at rest.
That's when you talk with me-when times have fallen tough.
But it's been almost 7years since we last had that type of speaking with conversation.

I appear okay, right?

Why do the littlest things affect me the most?
Why does it matter if he doesn't see the sleek cut?
Why does it matter a conversation over an athletic player?
Why argue in debate form?

Your words can upset people.
Do you recognize this?
Your friendly banter has affected someone too close to my heart.

Why am I always grasping for words when you're present?
Why can't I just relax and be me?

I know words aren't supposed to always be the answer, and actions are true..
but a normal conversation would be nice.

You put fear in me as a young child, through disappointing you.
I aim to please.
I try to make everyone happy. I learned it from watching you both as a young child.

I saw the tears in the eyes of your love when you worked late.
When you didn't come home until after the late night news.
The stress and hard work that the woman had no choice but to delve into, having the role of mother hen to 5children 18months apart in age.

I want approval from you.
I need acceptance.

I want a friendly phone call.
I want you to look at me as innocent.
I want to hear you acknowledge something good about my parenting.
My role as wife.

Sad, isn't it?
Even at 32 I still feel like such a child.
Maybe that's why I have a hard time being with adults in my growing support of a neighborhood.
I can't help but feel childish when I'm in different roles.
That I'm not old enough.
That I'm doing it wrong.
That I need to be tougher as a parent-according to you.

Just be glad that I can manage three children everyday, that my children are polite, unique and a wonderful budding flower showing new colors as change rounds the corner.

Just show me your approval.
I shouldn't have to look for it.
I should get over it.

I just can't seem to figure out how though.
Just focus on moving us along, as my close love said to me.
Just focus on moving us.
That's all that matters.


I will try.
But my heart still holds tight to have my hidden dreams of verbal love.

Pained is how I started Monday morning.
By my frantically thinking.
My mind racing
Overplaying the past.
Way too much!
Soon it will be scratched and will skip like a dvd handled too many times by spider loving, peanutbutter eating tiny fingers.

Pam must be visiting soon.

Welcome To Crustybeef~

I had to listen to my playlist to get this out..it ironically gave me the courage to type.
Now, I'm not as unwritten as I close this post listening to the song "RUNAWAY TRAIN, "by Soul Asylum!!
Unwritten-Natasha Bedingfield
Connected-Stereo MC's

Generic Savings

This is a quick generic posting.
(Just a warning!!)
But, you will learn something from it, and ultimately it will end up saving you money if you aren't already privy to this information;

411.
I LOVE 411.
I USE 411.
I'm too lazy to let my "fingers do the walking."
I've never had much luck with whitepages.com. The same goes for yellowpages.com!

It was costing me around $12.95+ a month-up until I heard about free 411 calls!!

Yup! FREE 411 calls!!!

1-800-free-411!!!!!

You have to endure the marketing approach when you call-but the calls are free. Personally I'd rather listen to a 15 second message about how I've been selected for a "free" Disney vacation for 5. To press one to hear more information, or press 2 to get your number.

It's worth every second.

Welcome To Crustybeef~
Hope this helps.
Dial 1-800-fre-e411 (I'd give you the actual digits but my phone isn't near me and my little walker BenHAMEAN is..I'll leave that up to you.

Fantasy Round 33

Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!Cold Coffee and smokes, take me away......

• Ran errands after we walked Jack to school at 1:00pm-surprised my mom with some coffee at her office.
• Had a 2 year old over from 8:45am til 12:00pm today.(her mom has a kindergartener at Jack's school in the am-her son and mine get along very well. She was helping out the teacher today)
• Picked up Jackson at 3:30pm and picked up his friend Jay(the older brother of the little guy we had over this morning) immediately after school. We came here to Crustyland for a playdate after school until a bit after 6:00pm tonight.
• I still managed an afternoon post in between picking up Jack from school and after my errands. (While Sulli and Ben took a quick nap)
• Bigdogg had his Fantasy Football draft this evening and will be home sometime tonight around Letterman time.

I am LOVING the peace and quiet..ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

It was interrupted though, on Fantasy draft round #32:

Earlier after the boys had their "swimming to the east" (a game we play) baths, I discovered we had zero pull ups.
None.
zip.
Zilch.

Big deal, right? Uh yeah, unless you're in Crustyland.

I searched the house on a hide and seek mission to find a sole ranger of a pull up.

Nothing.
Nothing BUT!! Ben's diapers, ...
...and One Shiny Snoopy Woodstock ridden stage 5 diapers.

SAVED!

Sure, but not in CRUSTYLAND!

Sullivan during this round draft pick #32: (I'm screwing up the lingo, I know-pardon me, no disrespect to the football lovers out there-I used to be one of them, until I had children..:)..)

"I gotta go Pee-pee"-at 8:30pm when they should have been asleep.

"I gotta go Pee-pee" makes perfect sense-unless you're in Crustyland.

Because in Crustyland, "I gotta go pee-pee" is also entwined with your 3 year old holding the back of his bum.

'Well,' I think to myself, 'perhaps I could always duck tape the diaper together afterwards. You know,when I pull it off so he can sit down on his potty chair.' (remember, I'm potty training?)

Nope, couldn't find duck tape.

It wouldn't have matter, because as I delicately pulled apart Sully's lone ranger diaper, peeling away at those butterfly wing silky tabs, like football players that come crashing through the big white welcome GO TEAM! banner, "thingy," beautiful 3 year old turds rolled down and out of his lone ranger diaper, onto my WHITE shaggy Target bath room rug. The kind that appear like it'll be easy removal, you know, like cement? But, they're deceptive little "shits," they're not really harden guys, they smash easy.

And that they did on my white bath room rug. Sulli wasn't happy about it either.

It was quite a show-in my world, that is.

You know, in Crustyland?

No pull ups=lone ranger diaper=poop in pants=doing laundry from doodie stain rug at 8:30pm on a wednesday night=considering duck taping, or electrical taping two of Ben's stage 4 diapers together until Bigdogg gets home=remembering that we don't have duck tape, but didn't I see electrical tape somewhere??=crustyland.

Sure, Bigdogg may not be "suitable for driving" after walking home from the train from his draft tonight, but I can always go. I can't go now, I'm not about to wake up the kids (Ben)

BUT!! I'm onto my fantasy round # 33 (My favorite lucky number) Because I've found one of those toddler swimmee things for the pool, and will have that to hold me over until Bigdogg gets home. And, because I am able to relax and type this. I am so content right now, it ROCKS!

But all good things must come to an end, and it did tonight in fact.
It did with my son's Jackson and Sullivan:
Alas, along with losing our last diaper, Jackson and Sullivan also lost a prized possession tonight-their precious sleeping aids. All over misbehavior, which is a hilarious story that I will get into at a later date.

Right now, I'm going to head outside for a nice smoke, enjoy the night air, the town falling asleep, the creatures singing their lullabies, my late arriving neighbors that are so considerate they turn off their headlights when approaching theirs and our home in their vehicles. To not blind their headlights into our windows...

I love this area.

Welcome To Crustybeef~
Lilah Tov!!

Late Morning Laughter

This joke was emailed to me from my best friend, Dana. I have to say it's pretty darn funny:

Who Wears The Pants!

Larry was going to be married to Karen, so his father sat him down for a
little chat. He said, "Larry, let me tell you something...on my wedding
night in our honeymoon suite I took off my pants, handed them to your
mother, and said, here - try these on." She did and said, "these are
too big, I can't wear them." I replied, "exactly, I wear the pants in
this family and I always will." Ever since that night we never had any
problems.



"Hmmm," said Larry. He thought that might be a good thing to try, so on
his honeymoon, Larry took off his pants and said to Karen, "here - try
these on." She tried them on and said, "these are too large, they don't
fit me." Larry said, "exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I
always will. I don't want you to ever forget that."



Then Karen took off her pants and handed them to Larry. She said,
"here-you try on mine." He did and said, "I can't get into your pants."
Karen said, "exactly, and if you don't change your smart ass attitude,
you never will."



And they lived happily ever after.

Welcome To Crustybeef~
I told you I'd get a chuckle or giggle out of you!!

SCREAMING about ICE CREAM!

I Scream
You Scream
We all Scream
for
ICE CREAM!!

Delicious old school ice cream: Pralines and Cream. Peppermint. Bubble Gum. Boston Cherry. Chocolate. Vanilla. Butter Pecan.
Melted marshmallows in a gooey wonder dolloped on top of your scoop or two.
Whipped fluffy whipped cream (the kind that your mom or grandma would make for your pumpkin pie) added to the top of your wondrous creation.

Perhaps a few rainbow sprinkles or a cherry on top?

It all sounds so fabulous.

The ice cream social that my son's school was scheduled to have last Thursday was naturally postponed due to the storms last week.
The social has been rescheduled for tonight at 6:30pm.

(Have I mentioned I love Ice cream?)

Obviously I will be shying away from the ice cream delights this evening due to my stupid tooth ache.

Yesterday the Dentist applied "cold 70 degree air" to the area in question and I nearly jumped out of my chair yelping like a damn puppy that lost her bone. No way in creation will I be able to manage all that cold and sugary stuff tonight.

Thus, I'm SCREAMING OVER not getting my ICE CREAM!!

Welcome To Crustybeef~
Speaking of ICE-have you entered in your In Case of EMERGENCY contact in your cell phones, yet? Something that we all should do (if we have cell phones) should heaven forbid we're in an accident and someone needs to notify our emergency contact through our cell phone. The police won't know that BIGDOGG- my Agapi mou-(in Greek it means: MY LOVE) is my emergency Contact.
So in front of his name, I've added ICE #1.
My mom, ICE #2.

Read more about it here or up there under In Case of EMERGENCY.
Just a helpful tip.

Thump Thump Reminder

If you haven't yet, stop and listen to your childs heart beat. No matter how old they are.
If there are grandchildren now in the picture, stop and listen to their heart beat. A niece a nephew- someone with tender youth.

There's something extremely soothing about hearing the pitter-patter of the young precious little ones.

Welcome To Crustybeef~
Lila Tov!

Connected In Tragedy

Yesterdays collapse of the Minneapolis bridge had me thinking about how often tragedy strikes and when it does, how the immediate reaction to some, is to link the tragedy with themselves.

I feel awful for the people that were killed and injured in the collapse. Something as random as being in your car driving home from a long work day turned tragic within seconds.

I am by no means making light of this terrible situation.

I just find it interesting that whenever something strikes such as this, the first element to coping is to relate to the tragedy.

"I was just on that bridge two days ago."

"I drove across that bridge with my parents three years ago."

"I have friends that live in Minnesota."

"My firms other office is located there-the employees drive across that bridge every day."

Something, anything, a common denominator to link you to the emotions of death, injury and tragedy.

Perhaps to help us cope?

I know I'm guilty of it.

Is it just human nature to link ourselves to something bad?

Is it to feel more connected with the victims, their families.. "I know what you're going through?"

The ability to empathize is just as important as the ability to sympathize.
Yet there is a big difference.

It just makes me sad that we can't feel connected with our world, our country, our people, the human soul, when there isn't something tragic to speak of.

Perhaps people learn more when drama's around.

Welcome To Crustybeef~
My thoughts and prayers are with everyone that has ever suffered any element of tragedy. Although I can't understand what you're going through, I understand that the pain that you must feel is something fierce.
G-d Bless!