Friday, August 10, 2007

Catching Up On Me

1. I'm a stay at home mom of three boys

2. I married Bigdogg a wonderful guy-we got married just the two of us on the beach during a sunset on a Friday night April 25th "many years" back.

3. He's Jewish-I'm a Lutheran The star of David shines every year up top our Real Christmas Tree.

4. I live in a town that has more churches than grocery stores and not one darned temple in it.

5. My sons names are Jackson Bradley, Sullivan Harold, and Benjamin Elijah. They are the light of my lives.

6. I used to want 5 children when I was pre-babies. I used to want to be a stay at home mom before I was a mom.

7. I come from a large family, the oldest of 5 children, my mom a stay at home mom as well.
I have two sisters and two brothers. It goes like this: Sister. Sister.Brother.Brother.Sister.
We're all a year and a half apart.

8. I can't have a conversation with my dad without it becoming a debate-unless of course it's when there are times of crisis-he comes through like no tomorrow. When the chips are down, you can count on him.

9. Speaking of my parents they were in the delivery room along with my baby sister Derna when I was in labor with Jackson-and BIGDOGG too. And when my dad went to step outside of the room to answer his cell phone, he was the one person that I needed there. See? In times of crisis or emotional physical pain, he has this strength to him like you wouldn't believe.

10. After my labor started on a Tuesday after Lou Malnati's pizza, I delivered the following afternoon at 4:28pm by c-section. Three and a half hours of pushing, he was "stuck" so to speak, and then my heart rate went up, and his down. They shoved a piece of paper in my face for a stat c-section asking me to chose who to bring into the surgical room-I obviously couldn't have bigdogg, MomBee, Gentletiredmandad and derna in there..I chose Bigdogg.

11. Well, obviously you'd think, right? Why wouldn't I chose bigdogg..well, that's only because at the time Bigdogg and I weren't married, no longer together, and there were a few states in between us-now it makes a bit more sense. But I remember thinking through all that pain, regardless of whats going on with bigdogg and I, or rather, what wasn't going on with us, I didn't want to be that "gal" that prevented a first time daddy seeing the birth of his son. Regardless of what was up with us, I knew in my heart that he needed to be in that room with me. That was one of the best decisions I ever made-that and having Jackson and not considering adoption-some people felt that I should have an abortion!!-and marrying Bigdogg.

12. I ramble.

13. I'm very detailed-but I think that's a good thing.

14. I understand we all have our tiffs with family or friends, but I'm more the conflict avoider..I hate it..I detest it, I run from it. I believe that forgiveness is available you just have to take the first step. And unfortunately there are times when you may have to take that first step even though you didn't cause the rift.

15. I strive to be a part of everyones lives. I have a very large family and although some would think it's impossible to have communication with every family member, I believe in this day and age, everyone put into your life-especially family-can all give you something-you can learn and take with you something from every family member-even those that seem like lost souls.

16. That being said, my dads side of the family there are a total of 4 siblings. Of those siblings obviously my dad had 5. My aunt had 4. My uncle had 3. My aunt had 8. So I have lots of cousins. My mom's side there are 5 siblings. My uncle had three. My aunt had 3. My aunt had 2 and lastly,my uncle was the smart one, he has a lake house and a cute doggie. Which means lots more cousins. Most of my cousins are in their 20's and up which means cousins having children.

17. My siblings: My sister has three children-SAHM. My brother has had the same girlfriend for the past gosh, 6 to 7 years? my other brother has had the same girlfriend for 3 years, my babysis Derna has One child.. :)

18. I get depressed really easy although most would say I don't seem like "that type."

19. I have a huge problem asking for help, I don't know why, but I just feel so weak asking for support-not monetary-I can't ask for emotional help, imagine the basket case of a mess I'd be in if I had to ask for monetary help!!

20. I have a horrible complex of being left out due to the fact that I was ridiculed my 1st-8th grade for almost everything. When the girls had cabbage patch kids, I was teased for having my favorite baby doll, baby beans. When they grew boobs I was ridiculed for being flat chested. When I was younger, I was teased because I was too skinny, too much of a stick with big fat fish lips. I was teased, left out and to this day it still haunts me, perhaps that's why I feel like I need to have contact with everyone in my family-a "not leaving anyone out" so to speak.

21. When I was in third grade (I think it was third) grade my mom's best friend had a few too many to drink and smashed into a tree near her home, and was killed. From that point on I began displaying this fear of abandonment. This fear of losing my mom. If she was even a minute late picking me up, I'd be frantic. I remember sitting on the floor near their living room window and sitting there until she'd return home. Shaking and crying, I had this fear that she was going to be killed in a car accident. Obviously I didn't know the entire story, but still, even as I type this I feel the heart rate beginning to increase..that fear.. I still have that fear-abandonment. I still remember her name, her husbands name, and her three children's names-her daughter was close to my age, and on my refridgerator is a picture of the daughter and I at one of our many visits/BBQ's over to their house.

22. I'll be back more with later..I'm going to go catch up with bigdogg.

Welcome To Crustybeef~
I'm a crusty mess. :O)

5 comments:

austere said...

Crusty!
Great to meet you. :)
That part about looking tired- dont let it bother you.
And I'm in on the number 18 too, msot days I can manage.
I think the family feeling part is really so warm and caring.Really nice.

CRUSTYBEEF said...

austere-I do feel much better today.
Thankfully due to zoloft number 11 was managed..course I no longer take it, but there are days I think I probably should be back on it.
Hope you're fairing well too!
Always,
Crusty~

SOUL: said...

hi again.. you sound quite a bit like me crusty... nice getting to know you better

Portia said...

wow. you and i have a lot more in common than i thought.
'cept the huge family- yours sounds like it could populate a whole state! that's awesome though, more to love:)

CRUSTYBEEF said...

Soul & Portia- funny, I thought the same thing about you ladies when I started reading your blog..if they had a world for bloggers I'd have left for it a long time ago..Sad to say it seems that the ones that accept me as who I am, are those that are in this world, such as yourselves..

and Portia: sometimes having a big family isn't the greatest..you have all these people around you, yet you still feel alone. :(

Always,
crusty~