Friday, October 19, 2007

Before...

Before I was a Mom,
I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby.
I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mom,
I had never been puked on.
Pooped on.
Chewed on.
Peed on.

I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts.
I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom,
I never held down a screaming child so doctors could do tests.
Or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom,
I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put him down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom,
I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body.
I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.
I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child.
I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important and happy.

Before I was a Mom,
I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay.
I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache, the wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mom.
I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much, before I was a Mom.


+++++++++++++++++++++++++

I love that poem. Each and every time I read it, I'm moved to tears.

There are so many people that have yet to experience the true sacrifice of life- of having a child.
There are some that will decide it's not for them.
Pity because usually the ones that are so fearful of becoming parents end up being the best "version" of parents that you'll see.

There are those that have yet to walk through the 9months of wondering, of sickness, of your body beginning to teach you how to think of someone else instead of just yourself.

There are those that know how to be a parent already-and believe me they'll tell you how to raise your own children, even though they haven't had their own yet.

When I look back on my life, I knew I always wanted children, from day 'little girl.'
Did I see myself having three boys?
No.

In my visions, when I was a young girl, I only saw myself having girls.
A family of 5 daughters.
Filled with pink walls, garden themed bedrooms, castle stories, timid little voices, their favorite toys, all barbies and dolls, and tree climbing book reading peppermint candy eating pigtailed girls.

Girls that would develop friendships with the boy next door. Peering out thru their bedroom window each night, signaling with a flashlight, chatting about life through their eyes. Girls that would look up at me, throw their arms around me and just express complete happiness to have me in their world.

Girls that would experience the disappointment of tryouts. Of not making the team. Of running home into my arms, crying tears of exclusion. The vision of being able to feel my daughters pain, to feel her disappointment. To understand all that she's going through. To help her through it all. To teach her how to be respectful, and kind, and helpful to others. To teach her to take care of her husband, to respect herself, to understand differences, to be kind to everyone. To love live, stay clear of drama, stay strong in her faith, to not let anyone stand in her way, to teach her to be strong. To teach her not to let anyone walk over her, or take advantage of her.

To be there for her,when she makes her mistakes. To show her forgiveness. To show her that life isn't about being a know it all, it's about being aware of others feelings. To help those that aren't as nice as she, and to be the better person. To accept things for what they are, and try hard to find joy in even the hardest of times. To just be a delight to be around.
To be a good happy, loving and warm young lady.

My visions, when I was much younger, was how I'd go about teaching my daughters how to love their life. How to wake up happy every morning, knowing how blessed they are to have their heart beating. To be themselves.

Funny. I never thought that you could have those same feelings, those same visions from having sons.
Until I had three of them.
And that my dear friends, is why this poem strikes my heart each and every time.

My visions haven't changed, the gender may be different, but the goals and dreams can still be the same. The teachings the same.

Having children is the greatest sacrifice own can make in their own life/marriage/family.
Until you embark on that journey, you'll never know the amount of work it takes, the amount of worry that comes with the unknown, and just how wonderful all the rest of it is.

Welcome To Crustybeef~
Just a random thoughtful view on parenthood.
Yes, I am still feeling rather ill and getting sick of feeling like shit already.
Sick ants in my pants syndrome I guess-I can't stay down too long.
Time to go get the breakfast ready for the boys....
Please have yourselves a Happy Friday!!!!!!!!

15 comments:

Portia said...

that is a sweet poem. and i'm glad YOU'RE a mom! it's clearly your passion and your boys are SO lucky to have you. but i do think it's cool that some people don't have kids. their lives are enriched in different ways:)

Pri said...

wow! tht was one emotional post :)
beautifull expressed i muss say..simple yet clearly reflects the amount of care a mom puts in to bring up her children...
the most selfless kinda love is the love of a mother :)
And being a mom is definitely not a joke...hats off to all the moms in the world :)

P.S fell in love with the poem the moment i read it :)...lovely!!!

SOUL: said...

hiya crusty!!!!

i was reading along... and thinking... damn, this could be a poem... then-
mmaaaaannnn... she could publish this!
then i was just awestruck by the whole thing...
thinking
"my Crusty Sistah, is quite a damn fine writer!"

and then i realized YOU didn't write it.
(sigh)

BUT...
i was still amazed by it. and so glad you shared it. i have never seen it before.

and then.. i continued to read onward....

it's rare that i hit a post like this. even the second part that you did write... with a little polishing... is poetry!

thanks. i think i just got an emotional hangover. lots to think about- and feel here.

great job.

sorry you are still sick.... i hope it goes away SOON. did ya get the five day power pack?? (antibiotics)

i hope you get to feelin better reaL soon.

NINETEEN AND A WAKE UP !!!!
get ready!

Anonymous said...

When your children are grown and out of the house, you'll almost miss all those little hassles that once annoyed you.

Our house is now very quiet and sometimes lonely. In those growing moments of solitude, I wonder what I did BEFORE kids and what I'll have to do to bear up do without them here.

It sounds somewhat terrible to say, but I don't think I'll ever have the same deep feelings for their children that I've had for them. How normal is it to think that or admit that?

Although our three kids are in their 20's, I still say special prayers for each one every single night. Each of the three has great strengths and glaring weaknesses (much as their father has).

I'd feel guilty if I weren't going to bat for them while on my knees every night.

Ah, reflections....

UD

Cheryl said...

I always wonder too what I did before I had a child. And then when you do, you go through so many stages. Being a mother is the most important job. I'm glad I waited a while before having mine, and I hope she does the same. Cause once you have one, your life is all about theirs. I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Anonymous said...

Hey Beef! I love that poem. Even more so, love your reflections. It reminded me of the fear that poured over me as I carried Gabriella in my belly, "OMG, what if it's a boy?!?!" I asked myself what God's purpose was to give me a boy. Then it hit me... God gives boys to mothers to raise them in a decent, kind and loving manner... A manner in which other women can love and appreciate. We need more good men in the world. I'm glad you're raising three of them. It gives me hope that Gabriella has three chances to meet someone loving, kind and gentle like you and Big Dawg, should our children see each other in a wildly romantic manner. Hey! A mother can dream! ;)

~ Kiki

JYankee said...

that was a good poem... and i was kinda thinking along the same lines as soul up there.... but the after the poem bit was still good! and I fully agree!

austere said...

You made me stop short and thank both my mothers, my biological one and my angel mom who brought me up.
Thank you for bringing so many memories back.

You're raising fine, strapping sons, decent human beings, and its a gift to the world.

captain corky said...

My son spit up on my face while I was holding him in the air the other day. That was fun.

Enjoyed the post Crusty. Thanks. ;)

CRUSTYBEEF said...

Portia: you're very sweet...because the majority of the time I feel as if I'm in over my head..but, when I re-read the poem, it puts things into perspective..that and what my UD said..someday they'll be out of the house, and I'll miss the noises within my walls.

Pri: Nice to see you over here! Welcome!! it is a rather lovely poem, and like I was saying to Portia, it's a good thing for moms to have tucked away, to pull out when the day seems longer than usual! We hope to see you back here sooN!! :)

Soul; If I wrote this thing, than I'd best to have an overflowing envelope..I wish I knew the author because I'd like to thank him/her for the reminder..18 and counting now!!!

UD: Your words make so much sense..and it's natural to be that way with the gkids versus when their your own broad...gkids are most likely easier to manage too..because they go home with mom and dad...your words are a great reminder to me to never give up on my own children, and to never stop praying!
:)

Always,
Crusty~

abbagirl74 said...

Beautiful! Simply beautiful.

Palm Springs Savant said...

and your kids will someday make you so proud..you'll know it was all worth it.

SOUL: said...

so.. that would be SEVENTEEN NOW!!!

KYRIE said...

Hope you are feeling better today? Well take care of yourself and get plenty of rest my friend.

CRUSTYBEEF said...

abba: it's a good poem to hold onto for me especially when I feel my nerves becoming unraveled! :)

PSS: I wonder if they'll also complain about what a pain in the ass I was? hahahah


Soul: Now, it'd be 16! wheezing...

Kyrie: Thanks little lady! I had a rather interesting experience over the weekend..reminded me of what you must go through with family...grrr.

Always,
Crusty~