Tuesday, October 23, 2007

How Do You Know?

How do you know when you're ready to have children?
With some of us it just "happens" before we're ready.
-Before the rings have been placed gingerly on our finger under G-ds watchful eyes.-

How do you know how many children to have?
Or if you're even willing to run for the role as a parental candidate?

Those decisions are all difficult ones to make.
There are no answers from us humans to aid with the decision to have a child.

For us, the only reason why we went for number three was to 'attempt' at creating a little girl.
Obviously G-d had different plans for us, and provided us with a busy household of boys.

Psalm 127:3-5 says, “Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one's youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their enemies in the gate.”

But to go for a fourth is not an option for us.
Does that mean that God will be mad at us?

If so, then I guess it means he's really irritated with those married folks that have yet to give him even one little guy or girl to grow up in a world of discontentment, selfishness, and extreme materialism.

God declares that Children are a reward. And I'm not about to create an opinion on something that the Main Man Himself has declared His Word. It's okay to not have the desire to have children. It's okay to not enjoy being around children. It's even okay to roll your eyes and begin searching for a safer haven when you're heading out on a much needed vacation only to get stuck with a kid sitting in front of you on the airplane.

Sometimes due to medical reasons one can debate whether or not a child should be brought into the family due to your own health issues. (i.e. disabilities run in your family’s genes,etc, etc) But what if you were to put your trust into God? After all, He is in control and he'll figure out how to iron out the kinks-to arrange the details, so to speak. I remember a story I came across once (perhaps it was a blog, I can't remember) but it was about this girl in college who was going to get a hysterectomy because of the fact that she had a mental illness, it so happened to run rapid in her family genes as well. She ended up not getting one, later married, and would you believe she actually had a perfectly healthy happy child? All those sleepless college nights over her concerns about passing along a "deformity" and look, G-d took care of her child's well being!

So, when is the right time to start a family?
When is the right time to grow your family?
To go from One to Two..From Two To Three?

Oh and what about my career! It's really getting going now!! I can't start a family now, I need to make money..I still need to travel to Europe..

The Biblical answer would be to put your family first over your career.
Genesis 1:27-28 says, “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. God blessed them and said to them, "Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground."”

G-d says that children are a 'blessing.'

Now don't get me wrong, I don't think that you're "hurting" Him by not having children. If anything you're only hurting yourself because in the long run, children are the greatest blessing you can find. You would be missing out on so much. According to my faith, God blesses parents with years of enjoyment with their children, that cannot be compared to anything else. I would think that the only way you could make him unhappy is by your attitude and by not trusting him enough to give you the support you need when it comes to raising children. BELIEVE me, I need ALL the support in the world with my own buggerboos!!!

I was blessed yesterday with that type of enjoyment that you can only get from children:

1) Sullivan bit Jackson on the arm
2) Jackson told Sullivan that he doesn't like him anymore
3) Benjamin pulled out garbage from the trash can and tried trailing it through the kitchen
4) They cried that I served them ground beef with ketchup and peas and carrots for dinner (did I mention that there was also fries, garlic noodles, and strawberry applesauce?!)
5) Ben turns his face away from food when he doesn't "like it."
6) Sullivan woke up at 6:07am
7) Jackson woke up with a bad dream about being bit by a squirrel at 6:30 and didn't go back to bed.
8) Sullivan complained that he wasn't sitting in the "way back" with Jackson in the mommovile
9) Jackson whined that he was sitting in the "way back" all by himself
10) Benjamin refused to nap in the afternoon yesterday.

At the time it wasn't enjoyment for me. It was painful-hairpulling-counting-to-ten-overcoming the urge to just fall off the wagon into the arms of Sir Nic- fun.

But as faith says, it shows itself to you when you reflect. Times of reflection when you don't even realize that you're, well, reflecting!! OR thinking peaceful thoughts.

It showed up in the form of grocery store shopping with my three children.

Through the sweet reminder from a stranger, a woman passed her age of child bearing, looking down at the boys as they pushed their mini-carts down the aisle ramming into each other like cars in a stock car race.
She stops and smiles and says "how cute they are." "How precious it is to see such adventurous boys. Such passion for life,"she says to me as she looks down at them smiling.
"This is the best part right now," she says.
"This is when they need you the most."
"This is when they care about their mom." "This time right now is the easiest."

Um, easiest? Do I need to run through my list again?

"This is when they still talk to their mom," she says, and then follows up with, "enjoy the noise,the constant motion, all of their mini actions, because you never know what they'll turn out to be like someday. And someday they may not want to have anything to do with you. They may not want to return your calls, or come running to you with a problem."

Someone could take that as sad, or dysfunctional, that her boys don't have a speaking relationship with their mom. I mean, who doesn't want to speak to their mom? Who doesn't want to have a relationship with their children? Unfortunately, I know quite a few people that live their lives that way.
It suits them fine.
It's dysfunction, it's sad and it's part of life.

Which is why I'm glad to have found my faithful reflection in the Frozen section of aisle A4.
Because I don't know if they'll turn out to be "okay." I don't know if we'll have a good speaking relationship when they're adults in their 30's. I can try as hard as I can, but that doesn't guarantee success. I could display perfection and never make a mistake as a mom (HA!) and that still does NOT guarantee well rounded adults.

I have to just enjoy the now. The hectic time when they come running to me with tears of pain when a toy isn't shared. When they "lose" the race up the driveway on their push pedal trikes. When they don't want to eat their peas and groundbeef because by doing so will make their "tummy hurt lots a bits!" When they have a nightmare of being bitten by a squirrel. When they feel alone because they enjoy staring at the stars whereas their friends would rather throw around a football.

This is the time that they actually communicate every ounce of who they are to me. Every piece of them, every raw emotion isn't yet tainted by the costumed world you start to see as you develop into adulthood. As each year moves on, as school years advance they will begin to pull away, to become their own person. The loose veil of innocence unravels like a childs favorite blankie with each year that passes.


I had my reminder of how they are a blessing to me. I had my questions answered about "how will I know I'm ready to be a parent?" "How will I know when it's time to have another one?"

As of Late, I've been dealing with another new type of question. Actually I've been faced with this question for the past 15months:

"How will I know when I've maxed out my credit limit on children?"

I know that children are a gift from G-d but how much is too much? The Bigdogg and I create added anxiety over engaging in sex because neither of us want to "have" another child. There is birth control such as the pill, and now that I'm no longer part of the Sir Nic club that could be a thought. However, I did conceive Jackson on the pill. Yes, a story for another time, but I have to say that I am of that 1% that can actually GET pregnant with birth control.

But am I ready to permanently close that chapter on my tubes? To cauterize the anxiety from ever creeping into my uterus again?

That's the conflicting issue I face. I don't want another child. I know the stress of having three. I live it every day. Blessings and all, I don't want to abuse my limit. Just because the credit limit is open ended, doesn't mean I should max it out.

From a faith stand point I have to remember that it is thru G-d that my household has been built. To maintain the outlook that we can do it ourselves, without faith, is just another frantic attempt that will demolish over time. To base life on "our way is the best way we don't need to believe in the unknown," will only lead to a foundation based on material prosperity and social acceptability. With that approach, it's no wonder many homes have their foundations crumbling beneath their feet.

I think to myself that I will be going against His will should I have a tubal ligation. But I have sinned with other things..and I am not admitting perfect. Rather the opposite. I am admitting that I have yet to learn.

The crossroad of this question for me is that even though I do not want anymore children, even though I ask that my womb be closed, am I ready to surgically close it doing it my way? It seems so permanent- regardless of if it's me or Bigdogg-to be snipped, cut, or tied. Taking faith out of the equation, I still don't want anymore children. But to block it, to grow scar tissue around the tied strings, seems so empty.

Like a good book that you never want to finish, although you're on that last chapter, I'm struggling with whether or not I want to put that book up on the top shelf, to never have the option to read it again. Even though I don't want to read it ever again, just knowing that it's there for me, should I want to read it, is comforting.

Crazy huh?

Welcome To Crustybeef~
My appointment is Nov 1st to talk with my OB about removing my lovely cyst surgically. AND, to take apart the bridge that has been the gateway for my three eggs to make it thru the tunnel of my fallopian tubes to give me the fun blessings that I am so grateful to have. SO GRATEFUL in fact, that I am not willing to remove the status of middle child by making a fourth.

So I will continue to count my blessings.......
and I'm stopping at three.
How do You Know When You're Done?

44 comments:

Mary said...

Crusty, This is your best post ever - at least since I've been a reader. There are no right or wrong decisions, only the decision that God dictates to you as an individual.

About your children communicating with you as they grow older: I made a concerted effort to maintain communication with my sons (no girls here either) as they grew older. I made it a point to never judge but rather to offer alternatives (and probable outcomes) to whatever and let them know they were responsible for their decisions. For me, that approach was a raging success. At times I heard things that made my toes curl but they never knew. They (for the most part) chose the best alternative and when they didn't I never said "I told you so". The communication never lagged and is still open.

You and your husband will recognize the right decision for you. And it may not be the right decision for everyone.

I really enjoy reading about the kids and their antics.

God Bless

Anonymous said...

God also granted us free will. And regardless of what someone’s PERSONAL reason may be, the decision to have, or not have a family is their own. It’s not for anyone to judge. God has “granted” children upon those who beat, rape, ignore, and overall mistreat children. Is that still a blessing? I wish God would grant certain people the ability to know that THIS blessing may not be for them.

Palm Springs Savant said...

excellent post~ so much to ponder. I think there is definitely a limit people reach with their interest and desire to raise children. Children are a blessing but wow they sure can be a drain too

SOUL: said...

hiya crustyyyyy
how are you?
i can't tell you what to do or not to do. i can tell you to follow your heart. many times, what is in your heart is what God wants you to do. dontcha think? he wants what is best for us. isn't that right? you and bigdogg know what is best for YOUR family. you know how much is enough , how much is too much, how much you can handle, or afford. this is not the age of families of ten or twelve anymore.
plus---- i REALLY love what what mary had to say. now that is experience talkin. those are the people ya get stuff from. people who have raised children in a good way. not people who have one toddler---or never a child at all. ya know.
anyways...
two weeks my crusty sistah...
ya ready?
i am.. kinda. sorta. :))
take care.
coffee?
wanna watch me smoke?

CRUSTYBEEF said...

Mary, you are so right on that..and from your words I can feel such incredible unconditional love. They've been quite soothing to read, so thank you so much!!What was the hardest thing for you as a parent? All boys huh? THey're quite a bit of work, but so worth it!! I will definitely remember your great advice on communication..that is the key for sure!! :)

anon: to an extent I agree, and beliefs are based on individual faith. to me and my faith(not saying yours as you have a right to believe what you want no wrong in that whatsoever even if it differs from my thoughts) I believe that the concept of free will isn't the main motivation in my faith. Everything is based on a map from G-d.."For many are invited, but few are chosen.." is part of scripture. God gave me a choice-free will-to live a good life, to make good decisions..if I should to stray from those guidelines, that is my choice. Just like the ones that should decide to hurt, murder, rape..etc...God doesn't want you to hurt people.People hurt people. People that rape, kill,etc decide to do it out of their own free will-but yet by doing so is against the beliefs of what scripture has taught us to believe. As I said in my post, God wouldn't be "mad" at ones decision not to have children-that individual would be missing out as God has said what people gain fruitfully from becoming parents..and he wouldn't turn his back on a fellow if he should decide to not have children It is up to you to follow the teachings or to follow the guidelines of your faith...I don't judge those that decide not to have children. If they don't want that in their life it's ashame especially if they have all the means to provide a nice upbringing (not a big home/pool/fancy car upbringing but happy loving people that decide not to have children) If God only gave "certain" people the ability to see what they shouldn't do..then there wouldn't be a need for freewill as he'd be "telling them" as he already does...and not giving them the choice which he has..he's given everyone that wants too a choice..it's up to you if you follow it, or go against the grain.


PSS: Yes, they can be quite a drain and not just on the wallet but it has it's wonderful good, too!! :) Just ask Dr Wang!! :)

SOUL: 14!! But you've already been deblogged..you're no longer a blogging virgin having met up with Simon this past weekend..I STILL Can't get over that wonderful post and pic of the two of you... :) hehee-you're no longer a virginblogger..you've crossed the line and have made it personal..you're no longer just the soulwebpage..you're a person with a soul..hahah..well, I'm off my rocker..no smoke and choke but I would be more than happy to watch you! I'll pick up some of those old candycigarettes just so we can smoke together!!
How's your day going??

Always,
Crusty~

SOUL: said...

i'm sorry crusty... did you wanna be my first? lol

i actually met jlee quite a while back. musta been before you came around. she gave me some stevie nicks concert tickets and i took soul kid and we all sat together.

this thing with jamie hadn't been planned for a real long time. but it sure was cool.

i could bring you a bubble gum cigar???

austere said...

Lovely, thought inspiring post. You will do what is right for you, and I pray you find the courage and the path that is right for you.

I always thought growing up, I'd meet Mr right someday and have five kids and a full home with noise and laughter, but sometimes that's not part of God's masterplan and then you learn and say that's all right too. To have this faith it takes a lot.

Cant also help thinking someday your daughter in laws are going to be a pampered, indulged lot!

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Cheryl said...

My dilemma had always been, what would I do if I never got married? Would I have the courage to have a child on my own? Well, I did get married, to someone with a grown child who didn't plan on having anymore. The decision was mine to make. Did I want a life of travel and material things? While tempting, I chose the child. I knew there'd be only one. I'm very thankful, most of the time.

captain corky said...

Great post Crusty. I can't begin to tell you how much joy Max has brought to me and my wife. Everything about him is amazing and everyday is better than the last. I actually started believing it wasn't in the cards for me for a couple of minuets there, but now I'm hoping to have at least two more.

SOUL: said...

ola

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
CRUSTYBEEF said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Hey Crusty,

Great post..I love the fact that you can express yourself so openly about such peronal topics. You have the right to express your beliefs openly without judgement because IT is YOUR Blog. Your belief in G-d is very strong and they way you interpret the message in the Bible is very touching. Everyone interprets the bible in their own way and it is wrong for ANYONE to judge you based on your beliefs. This is the US and you have a right to speak your mind as do others. You are not attacking anyone and no one should ever attack you personally for your beliefs. You are a fantastic mother and a great wife. You are loved and respected and those who dont know you are missing out on a lovely strong willed woman who is intelligent and caring. They are missing out. The best thing that has ever happened to me is you and the three beautiful boys that you have given to me. Thank you. Keep writing and keep being strong for there are those out there that might not agree and they might express their feeling through hate and disrespect.They don't deserve your time nor your energy.
BDD

CRUSTYBEEF said...

Soul: I'll settle for sloppy seconds...yum, sloppy joes sound good right now, don't they? :) 12!

Cheryl: and it's okay to be annoyed too..even the ones that have the greatest job in the world can still find something to speak negative about. You are a wonderful person and you are absolutely right..what works for one isn't necessarily going to work for another..that is so true. The trick is to still be respectful as you lead your life..and I hope I do..as I want my boys too. :)

austie: That was a beautiful thing to say!! After the crazy am that I've had..you guys have really boosted my smiles! And it's funny you say that because I often think about how much I'm going to love my DIl's as well as all my granddaughters because you know that's how the cards may fall..:) it will be easier to be a grandma to the daughters than to have to raise them :) hahahah

Capt: No one can explain how hard parenting is, no books, nothing, until we go through it hands on. ANd as I was chatting up above with Cheryl, it's perfectly fine to have the hard days, to second guess your abilities as a parent...because you care that much about being the best for that bundle that you want to be the best...Your comment reminded me of the former sleepless nights of infantseeeeeeeee that I never thought I'd get out of..and Look, it's past and it's a new phase to tackle. :)

BDD: I HEART you! :) ani L'Dodi even though you shower with a loofah! :) hahhahaha. Couscous?

CRUSTYBEEF said...

SouL: SENORITA!! :) I'm ready to watch you smoke and choke! :)
Always,
Crusty~

Portia said...

You are blessed! I wish you didn't feel bad about not wanting to have more children, but it is not for me to say how you should feel or what you should do. I think the trickiest part is that there is no wrong or right answer. I know together you and BigDogg will figure what is best for your family.
Incidentally, my husband and I have a similar ongoing conversation...although it is me that wants a daughter and he that would be getting a vasectomy. We're holding off on the major decisions for right now:)

CRUSTYBEEF said...

Hey P!!: You know, after reading everyones comments I have come to the conclusion that what I want to do although may be different than what others think, is ultimately the best for me..(Ha..you sound like I did with the daughter thing 25months ago pre concieved #3!)I have to say thank you for the kind thoughts about not "telling me what to do." How's your hump day btw? No smoke alarms today, I hope!
So, smoke break okay? I'll be holding my coffee and I'll meet you and Soul out back. :)
ALways,
Crusty~

muse said...

Wow, m'dear, some heavy post.
I trust if G-d ever surprised you, you'd thank Him.
One never knows what's in the future. Pray for good health and strength and humor.

CRUSTYBEEF said...

muse: Thank you very much! You are quite on with the gift of surprise.
I love humor and I will continue to pray for that and good health..the strength should come in time the more I write words of my own. :) Great to see you!! Please be safe!!!!!!

Always,
Crusty~

SOUL: said...

sloppy seconds? hmmmm.
how bout
well. i just don't know.
souly seconds?
or how bout just ME?
ttyl

Anonymous said...

Interesting...ALL of this comes down to ones personal choices whether it is a FAMILY or not. And what does a FAMILY consist of? Is is a husband and wife or kids included??? The term FAMILY is broad title. As you said its a choice to have children...and thats what it is a CHOICE! A starter family (I'll call it) may be newlyweds...they need time for themselves to grow together while they set a foundation for, if and when they decide to add children. There is no need to rush into things...G-d does not put a checklist onto you when this happens...he understands that everyone is different and time tells all. Speaking of children...I dont believe that G-d wants you to max out your bearing...I think that thought is way out there...its up to the people bringing the children into this life that determines a number. There are no rules on quantity either...If you are happy with your three, then you have been blessed with those gifts. Like I said everyone is different and those answers come from within you. This may sound crazy but all creatures are part of G-ds creations pets included. So for others bringing a pet into their FAMILY may be another alternative depending on ones life choice. Heck some will do both children and animals. What's the rule for step children? Adoption? It all comes down to interpretation, right?

Now that I have commented on the subject itself...I have seen quite a bit of comments on this blog, and you know the saying opinions are like a$$holes...everyone has one. You take great care in your writing for all to see, but you should keep in mind that you may face criticism...its natural and you should not deny it, as BDD said we live in the US and that means freedom of speech for both directions. Look at all the writers in the world...no one has a perfect score...there are plenty of them that I disagree with, kind of like politics...can you tell me that you agree with all the blogs and writings you read? I would imagine not...keep writing!

CRUSTYBEEF said...

anon:
constructive opinions are accepted here..If someone doesn't believe, or rather, have a different idea than what is written here, they have every right to express what they believe in..what they don't have the right to do is attack a person's self. If someone happens to stumble across a post of mine, and have a different idea about it, I welcome their idea, I welcome their respectful debate.
But it is my blog, therefore my rules, and what I won't put up with is anyone anyone disrespecting me as a person. My words may not make sense to them, but no one should belittle another person nor humiliate..we all live in glass houses might be different pasts, but all the same.

So, to clarifying again and agreeing with you, that there are going to be people that don't agree with my words..I think that's awesome! I wouldn't want us all to think the same.That wouldn't be fun, now would it? I won't though allow anyone here to say things that are or could be taken as personal attacks on ones being. That is not acceptable and I won't tolerate that here.-I teach my boys not to let anyone belittle who they are, and I must act out what I teach myself.However,different thoughts are welcome..debates that are handled respectfully are..that's why I haven't changed moderation on my comments or removed the anon feature.
Those that really know me, family, friends, readers...etc knows that if anyone accepts diversity and respects others beliefs it's me, I live in an interfaith marriage for goodness sakes. .Like my Coexist picture from ART BY LAINE..

What I enjoy most about the blogs I read are the unique stories, about themselves and perhaps people around them. I love learning about new things thru the eyes of these writers..it's stimulating to me to see differences and similiarities..how wonderful to see.
Like animals in a Tropical Forest the forest of greatest diversity of animals yet it works for them. Shame that they're being moved out by us. :(
Thanks for the keep writing comment..I will always write and heres how I look at it, if people don't like what I have to say, if I do happen to touch a nerve, they don't have to read me right?
So, yes, I do read other blogs and see differences and love that about this world.
And yes, the main point of my posting was about how decisions in my life evolve under the branches of what goes on in my head and heart and there is absolutely no right or wrong with that. It all comes down to choice as I said so in my blog in certain ways.

Keep in mind my dear readers, all of you!!, I do have email and if you'd ever prefer to discuss a post further, I do invite you to email me..I can't gty a quick reply, but I will read and reply as quickly as my diaper changing hands can type it. :)

May everyone have a fabulous humpnight!!
Always,
Crusty~

PHEW: that's like some long ass freakin POST!!MY GOSH!! I JUST DID A SOUL!! :)
I've got my coffee!! :)

CRUSTYBEEF said...

P.S. You know what makes me sad, anon? Is that like you said, G-d understands we're all different, if only we all could accept and respect that, eh? ANd yes, absolutely, like I said in my post, just because it's an open ended credit line of children does not make it right to max it out..I too have seen that occur in familys...that too makes the foundations crumble..


ANyway,..wednesday night tv!

Always,
Crusty~

SOUL: said...

you just did a soul... hahahahaha
good thing you quit smokin, that could sound rather bad
i just did a soul...now i shall smoke
bwa hahahaha
yes. why, yes i am bui. can you tell? moments away from lala land.
but first i shall eat some peanut butter m&ms... my new favorite i think.
latah

Anonymous said...

Big Dog Says:

"This is the US and you have a right to speak your mind as do others."

...and yet you practice censorship by deleting 3 comments...3 opinions...that's very hypocritical of you...don't you think?

Big Dog also says:

"You are not attacking anyone and no one should ever attack you personally for your beliefs."

...so explain then how this is not an attack on those people who DO NOT wish to have children:

"G-d says that children are a 'blessing.'

Now don't get me wrong, I don't think that you're "hurting" Him by not having children. If anything you're only hurting yourself because in the long run, children are the greatest blessing you can find. You would be missing out on so much. According to my faith, God blesses parents with years of enjoyment with their children, that cannot be compared to anything else. I would think that the only way you could make him unhappy is by your attitude and by not trusting him enough to give you the support you need when it comes to raising children."

A good friend of mine has been married for 8 years. He and his wife have made a conscious decision to not have children, because they enjoy the way their life is without them. They enjoy living their life with only having each other to worry about. They are...happy. Does this mean God is unhappy with them? It obviously means, according to your comments, that they do not trust God. Even though you've never met either one of them.

You say you welcome a debate and yet you delete my original comments, within which I asked you questions which you have yet to answer.

Put my original post back up and let's get the debate going. At the same time, we can find out if anyone feels that I attacked you personally or if at ANY point, I suggested you are a bad parent.

When I see inconsistencies, I point them out. When I hear or read someone quoting and interpreting the Bible only when and how it's convenient for them, I scream "Hypocrisy!".

We're all going to be food for worms one day anyway...so why not suck the marrow out of life while we are alive and kicking?

...or shall we just consider this entire blog nothing more than a subterfuge?

austere said...

maybe anon can go get himself/ herself a blog and get off this soapbox.

and an identity, while he/ she is at it?

Crusty's blog, she writes, she decides, got that?

CRUSTYBEEF said...

soul: Peanut butter m&m's...wow!those are good!:)

austie: chuckles-
you're sweet~Debate is good,yes? Personal attacks on peoples self? nanan noo way not here.

anon: assumptions are being made on two out of the three comments deleted. Censorship being practiced? This is an AT WILL blog..you could say I'm exercising my "free will" here.
I take debate,(in a classical respectful way-such like the comment the first anon made and my answer wouldn't change if the anon was given a name) and I want to hear your thoughts on tubal ligations, on having children (since you have them) on what your beliefs are.But Stop attacking me as a being.That is uncalled for. IT's hurtful and it's wrong. You could have ensued a great debate with your first comment, yet you chose instead to be hurtful Calling my comment "lower 6th"among other personal things-why not just call me stupid? I find it funny that you say my postings are so negative,and not point worthy, yet the only time you make comments are for something negative... I will not allow someone to treat me that way, you know what you said was wrong,

you know our connection with someone that we both care so much about, and yet that didn't stop you from talking down to me. Why? It's clear that either you don't respect me, or care much for me as a person-calling my stories sad, saying I'm so negative,providing personal information since you were privy to it..that is not acceptable. If my posts are so terribly ignorant, then I would urge you to stop reading them. You may not believe what I believe but I am NOT a hypocrite. and you can't say "hiding behind my opinion," because without it,even saying that phrase, my words are still my words. My beliefs. Just l ike you have your own beliefs. Instead of calling me out, why not say what you believe here on children, tubes, faith..???Haven't you read my blog rules from the past? My house, my rules, take your shoes off at the door please.
I've ALWAYS respected you.-since day 1- I've never belittled you as a person,talked down to you because of other roads taken,And I would really appreciate it if you gave me the same amount of respect in the interest of the person that we both care a great deal for. Perhaps going forward we should refrain from saying things that are or could be taken as personal attacks.-Like saying that I'm an attention seeker- This is not fair to do to her, and that's something that should definitely be sat on and thought of because she's the reason that you and I are involved in each others lives. I am not quoting to my advantage biblically, I am giving points to my blog because if you reread the post, you'll see that I'm not saying G-d will be mad at those that chose not to have children (I Have family and friends that have gone that route)I can say that they'd be missing out -what else can be born and be loved unconditionally so immediate?-and those that know me -those that don't have children-know my feelings on it, they know I think parenthood is a fabulous thing-they also know I respect their choice, just like I respect different religions, personalities, and people..they also know that I would never ever Sell them out to anyone, or do something to cause or jeopardize trust by giving out personal details-uncool-
Funny, a family member had a similiar issue years ago such as your friends had, and she actually prayed to God (as she has the same beliefs as I do) to please not be mad at her for deciding not to have children, she feared him being upset with her for that decision..and you know what advice was given to her (as I've said in this blog post but you must be missing it somehow) is that it is her choice-period. I'm speaking from a parents eye and knowing what I know about children (even if it's considered "Lower 6th" commentary) the ones that chose not to be parents are missing out because it's usually the ones that don't want children that make the greatest parents-plus look at the joy that only having children can bring.What's wrong with saying that?
Have your questions been answered?

I am a person with a heart and a kind soul, I expect to be treated nicely-and I don't need to repost your initial comment for a tally because I know how your words felt-and they were very hurtful. You could've gone any other route but you chose to attack me as a person-and I don't need a vote to know that that is not the right route. this isn't a right or a wrong forum..this is just a world of stories that occur in my life.

But lucky for me, my faith has taught me to forgive people that hurt me. to forgive and forget Because If I were to stilll dwell on the hurt that you caused me-my sons were able to see their mom crying yesterday morning-very nice wake up for them I could imagine- is considered a sin-which It seems I'm doing right now,, so, I'n not going to dwell on things that are said anymore. I'm over being disrespected.
so, anon, I forgive you....
Take of it what you may, just never accuse me of abusing my faith, you won't see me telling you what to believe, you'll only read what I believe. you may take that as me using particle pieces of my faith to benefit me as an individual..but it isn't, it's a simple phrase that shows that I won't allow myself to be walked on, I am a good person and I deserve to be treated respectfully.

You're forgiven...
Always,
Crusty~

CRUSTYBEEF said...

whoops, ANON: BTW: I forgot to say: I knew when I first started writing this blog as my outlet that perhaps there'd be a day that I'd be talked down to by that disgruntled reader,that type of comment that everyone waits to receive, I never in a million years imagined I'd get that from someone I thought Cared about me.
Always,
Crusty~

austere said...

bless you, Crusty.
YOU ROCK.

Anonymous said...

oh, ok "austere". and that's YOUR idenity right?

austere said...

Yes, anon. So glad you got that right.

Crusty knows my real name as well, thank you.

People I trust know me, and I trust her.

Anonymous said...

She doesn't KNOW you, and you don't know her. You know of each other what you want each other to know. That's not real.

Anonymous said...

Annon, what exactly is your problem with Crusty? Get off your soapbox and stop being so rude. This is a great blog and we all really enjoy Crusty's stories. Knock it off!!!!

Anonymous said...

I haven't been on a soapbox. Different Annon. Sorry.

CRUSTYBEEF said...

GUYS GUYS! DOes MOM NEED TO COME IN AND TAKE AWAY YOUR TOYS? :)
People need to stop assuming who I know here and who I don't.
I have people here that I know that are also on my CHOICE BLOGGER list..whomever may be assuming that this is all surface please refrain from doing so..

Gosh, If making a decision to tie my tubes was going to be this much of a pain in the ass, I'd have done it after I was born. Geesh...
So Be nice! Stop harping on my fellow readers..you don't know if I know them..you only read the "surface" comments.

Always,
Crusty~

Anonymous said...

.........i am not the mean annon i think maybe jealousy is the problem...maybe u struck a nerve with this annon...........not ur fault but my thinking is just that..jealousy + striking nerves.....

Anonymous said...

My comment was meant for anon. the one that is giving crusty a hard time for some reason. I do apologize..

No matter what, I love reading this blog. Great stories and very entertaining. It just stinks that there are some people out there that have to cause problems. Very uncool.

Portia said...

Geeze Louise. I didn't think I'd been away this long.

Crusty, you are awesome. I am sorry you have to deal with such unecessary agression and negative energy! I'm very glad you didn't bend or change a thing about your blog for the angry anon.

...although, if it came down to that, it's nice that you do have the power:)

SOUL: said...

wth is a 6th level of whatever?
i dare not try to find that sentence again...i cannot see. my eyes are burning out of my head.

now is this argument over? can we move on like adults now?
please?
people have real problems out there.
be kind.. or go find a tragedy to deal with.
smoke crusty?
oh crap, i mean coffee?

SOUL: said...

portia!
how cool... we posted together!
anyhow.. the "you have the power" thing
bwa hahahaha
what a coinky dink.
just ask crusty!

bye girls
nope, still no batmobile .. i can't get UP (again)

CRUSTYBEEF said...

Portia: But I did bend it a bit by removing that comment-no I won't alter the posting but the comment held a bit of personal information that I felt wasn't necessary to be let out as of yet..and when it's time to let out that piece of info is when I determine that it's time but it's been managed, agreed upon and moved on along with..no worries.
Hey, pumpkin patch this weekend again? I'm up for it. It's just getting the kids in order. :)

Soul: yes, everyone I'm certain has moved on to the more tragic part of life than inside my mind, heart, and female parts such as the fact that petco is seeking donations to help out the poor animals having been displaced from the Cali fires.awful!!
Still no batmobile? DAMN IT!
I dreamed last night that I was smoking and I was so mad at myself in my dream..I hope I can say someday that I never went back to the smokes of the early month of October 07.
oh yes,.I found the candy cigarettes..wait! I'm "allowed" to smoke cigars, so I'll pick up a macinudo (sp) and puff along with you and your cigarello. :)

Always,
Crusty~

Anonymous said...

Hey Fizz Whiz. Remember that nickname? I just read your post. Boy oh boy, lots of opinions on this one. I always love reading your stories. You're an excellent writer, person, mother, friend. Don't pay any atttention to people that bring you down. Life's too short! And seriously, why can't everyone just get along??????

LOL, Hunt for Red October :)

CRUSTYBEEF said...

Rice A Roni with that fizz whizz anon? Hunting around for flowers and mailboxes storytelling bedtimes with silly sneakout attempts. :)

Always,
Crusty~