Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Nice Shootin Tex!

Thanks Tex!
He's aware that I've been looking to return to the working world, and has passed along postings he's found in MONSTER.com that he feels I'd fit with.

I have some news: I have found a job!!
However, I'm not sure if I'm qualified.
I'll let you be the judge.
BTW, Travel is definitely an option.

Here's the listing:


JOB DESCRIPTION


  • Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an often chaotic environment

  • Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
  • Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive sites on rainy weekends and endless tournaments in far away cities
  • Travel expenses not reimbursed.
  • Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES

  • Must be willing to be hated.
  • Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
  • Must be willing to pass out petty cash to those in your charge.
  • Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams are not someone just crying wolf.
  • Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers.
  • Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
  • Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
  • Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next.
  • Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
  • Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
  • Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product.

Responsibilities also include:

  • floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION :

  • None. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE :

  • None required unfortunately.
  • On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION :

  • Get this! You pay them!
  • Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
  • A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent.
  • When you die, you give them whatever is left.
  • The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS :

  • While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.

"THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!!

Welcome To Crustybeef~
Well, should I apply?

8 comments:

Dznutz said...

Perks-
Dress code - pajamas.
Spending time with your children
Seeing all of their “1st’s” instead of hearing about them from a virtual stranger.
Showering is optional.
Flexibility
Job security
Naps
No daycare expenses
No hum drum daily commute
Your hard work reaps a reward that a pay check doesn’t reflect.
You're the boss

Take the job.

CRUSTYBEEF said...

Dznutz: You got me on the Pj's and optional showering..you know how much I LOVE THAT! Oh, and there's one more, you don't have to keep your toes and fingernails manicured and trimmed and freshly painted. Kids don't care about that sort of thing!! :)
Hee-hee..
I think I'll take the job.
Always,
Crusty~

Anonymous said...

hardest job in the world...

Portia said...

sounds like hard work, but you'll be the "richest" girl in the world:)

tex said...

God bless ya, Dear!!

Hope yer feelin' better.....

SOUL: said...

i'm so stupid. i got all... what? then i get half way through and think..geesh...sounds like a parent.....my lord. perhaps i should go to bed/???

i'm happy to see you still hold your sense of humor through sickness, and nic fits.

here's to better health, better days. and, ummm.... coffee!
twwet
TBS

austere said...

AND a bonus on classic comments that your son has been making- the giving a speech one, for instance-comments that have ppl half way across the world holding on to their middles in silent laughter.

bah to the brooks bro suits, crustyyyy...

CRUSTYBEEF said...

heeheee..I've been accepted!!
Thanks for all of your support! and for all of your comments..they mean a lot to me!!

My job? Being a parent!! :)

Always,
Crusty~