Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Gift Back to You

It's a rainy day today in West Palm Beach.
We spent the morning out by my mother in laws pool, the boys playing around, splashing and giggling all around. They grew restless fast, craving the dragon sprinklers, and kiddie pool that is within walking distance down my mother in laws street. She lives in a stunning gated community that hosts a beautiful clubhouse with a kids zone area, outdoor tarp covered play area, and near the main pool and hot tub, in it's own gated section is a kids area, with a kiddie pool, and at least 10 different sprinkler sprouts for them to run and giggle through. Suffice to say, as the afternoon worn on, and our shoulders grew pinker, the gaze out onto the lake just beyond the pool, it was quiet a relaxing day.

We headed back a short time later for some lunch and to wait for my sister in law to arrive to spend the afternoon and a sort of mom/daughter slumber party. A last fling you could say, between a mother and a daughter, who has the closest relationship with one another that I've ever witnessed between mother and daughter.

My sister in law arrived just glowing excited for what's now just less then 6days away. Her long mid back length jet black hair shining, a beautiful new piece of jewelry as a wedding gift from her husband to be was worn around her neck. A remarkable necklace, a beautiful heart filled with stunning and bold diamonds. The color of the necklace an interesting color, I think she said it is called Rose Gold. A wonderful thoughtful gift, that her husband, while at their jeweler this past Sunday to pick out what jewelry she'll be borrowing (from their jeweler) for her wedding, he leaned over and whispered, "would you like an early wedding present?" He is a perfect fit for her, as she is for him.
I am very happy that she has found her surfing Prince charming. A classy, refined and also laid back and sound gentleman.

Later on that evening, our Nana and Poppy came over for dinner, and we sat in their breakfast area dining on deliciously grilled Lamb chops and Salmon, cucumber salad and corn on the cob, and for dessert, chocolate and red velvet cake. Glasses of wine were sipped later on outside as we all sat in their salt water hot tub as the sun was hidden, the moon out deep, and the stars masked as a sign that rain will be near us tomorrow.

Wednesday today was a relaxing day as well. My mother in laws sister, our dear Aunt Eli drove up from a town south of here called Coral Gables. She arrived about 6:30am this morning, and we sat in their family room sipping coffee and noshing on a bagels and fresh picked strawberries.

My mother in law and sister in law left to go have facials and to have another run of the brides hair before the big day this Sunday. So BDD and I with our boys, along with our Aunt Eli, walked to the gated kids pool so the boys could run around slash and wear themselves out.

Rain has fallen on and off all day, but it brings back memories of when we lived here, the afternoon showers, so dark and quick, the clouds rolling in faster then you could pick up your pool equipment. But over just as fast, with a lot of rumbles and thunders and the boys sleeping peacefully through it all, as the rain pellets deepen the pool, they lay tucked in their own beds in my mother in laws home.

My father in law has been holed up in his office working, and as hard as it is for our boys to be quiet, I have to say they are doing quite well. It's never easy when you're in someones home, especially when you have children. I only wish we could have just a bit more quiet time, the two of us, husband and wife alone. Soon enough.

Soon enough.

Tonight BDD's former step sister (LONG STORY: BDD's mom divorced his real dad when he was around 5. She then married again and the man she married had a daughter..They divorced and my mother in law remarried later on, for a few short months up until she found out the man was in serious trouble with the IRS. Another divorce and luckily she found her true Prince Charming, and married her now husband, my father in law, and he has two children, a son and a daughter, one eats kosher, and the daughter, kosher too, is very very orthodox jew. These children came from his first wife, and my mother in law is his second wife.phew!!) is coming over with her son, Dylan to see all of us, and to hang out for a bit. Later on this evening, my father in laws son will be arriving from up in Gainesville Florida to stay here until next week, naturally because of the wedding of his step sister this Sunday. His sister and her boyfriend will be arriving this Friday, and we'll sit down, together for Shabbats after sundown this Friday evening. I need to brush up on my Hebrew I think!!

So, needless to say, since arriving at my mother in laws, it's been very busy. BDD and I laugh because we'll need a holiday to get over this holiday of visiting her, him, and them, their, theirs and hers again with a bit of a step this and step that in there too!!

So that's it for my days, if you wanna scroll down to read about a rant, feel free to do so. It's just below.

On a side note rant random, something that I don't understand;
one: Why am I never heard?
Two: How do you give gifts? Do you give them graciously and if you get a thank you card that's wonderful? Do you gift with expecting back? Or, do you give and take back?
Three: When is it enough? When will we be "old enough" to do what we want to do for ourselves?

Here's what I think the problem is: it'll never be good enough, and to never expect that a gift will be just a gift is a foolish thought for someone naive like me. But for that, I'd rather just say to anyone that plans on giving a gift to later plan on holding it over your head, or to say, I'll take it back, well then, I'd just rather "gift" the gift back to you. It's not worth the headache, and quite frankly, it's not considered a giving gift if you ask for it back.

After changing our game plan, and rearranging our vacation, giving more time to those that request it, why then can't we, if we are thinking of our boys, arrive early at the hotel for this wedding weekend? I'd rather have rested and eased into day little sons, then frenetic schlepp here and there crazy ones.

But then again, I'm not heard.
And I'm naive.
I tried though.

Welcome To Crustybeef~
I'm all good! Like I said, we'll have a "Holiday" to settle from this one. :)
This post goes to publish as the rain falls and plink plunks the Buddhas out at the pool, singing their own zen song of happiness and gratitude.


Tex said...

Shabbats? Something abut welcoming Sabbath Angels? COOL!! I'll dig out my Black Sabbath albums and....what? No? Oops....wrong angels. regards to your questions...
1. Why aren't you heard? Hmm...maybe you need to talk louder.
2. I give gifts and they are free to do's the thought that counts.
3. I'm with you on this one, we've talked about, there's always the spectre of the in-law overlord looking over yer shoulder.....
Great post anyway....
On and on it's heaven and hell.....


interesting tex...very very interesting perspective! You can't have it without it together, right?

CHV's so very very soon!
Crustayyyyyy the unheard one


P.S. I thought you liked Depeche Mode? :)



P.S. I thought you liked Depeche Mode? :)


fiwa said...

It sounds like you're having a good time? But then I'm not sure. I, too, go unheard a lot. And I try to behave myself and not say "I told you so", later.

If I give a gift, I give it in order to give the other person pleasure. No strings attached, no thank yous needed, though they are nice. My husband's grandmother was fond of giving gifts with strings attached. "I've given you this, now you owe me THIS." Whatever...fiwa don't play that game. As far as being old enough to do what you want... good luck with that one. If you ever figure it out, let me know. I'm nearing 40 and my sisters and my inlaws STILL tell me what to do.

I hope the little kinks iron themselves out so you have a good time. Otherwise, have a glass of red wine, it helps you get into a rosey frame of mind. ;)


Brad said...

Sound like a lot of fun. As always, I'm with fiwa. When I give a gift I get a gift in just giving it.

And I can really relate to the in law/not being heard thing. Have you asked BDD to take his Mom aside and speak to her one-on-one. It's so logical and would make the day better for all concerned. Surely she'd see the logic. Maybe?


Fiwa: in the big picture all is good..I have in laws that live and breathe for my boys, and would do anything for them..for that it makes it good..
but being overlooked is a painful thing,..especially when I have value..but I am valued as a mom...not a person..and so, I guess there's nothing you can do about it..but as my own mom says, don't stop being me. :)

Brad: HAHAH! I wish!! It wouldn't do him anygood..and would only make it more stressful. She's a strong person, and it's very hard to talk to someone that has their own ideas on life..she's a lot like my that one tells him what to her..

But, like I said, all is good!
I need some Business socks from BDD that's all. :)either that or a glass of red wine..thanks FIWA!!


Cheryl said...

I hear you girl! You'll never understand them, and visa versa. Just enjoy the time together, then get back to your life. WE hear you!

Mary said...

I agree with cheryl. Just go with the flow for now. Soon you'll be home and everything will get back to normal. I had a gift give/take back with one of my 1st husbands sisters. It rocked the boat when I accepted a gift from her with thanks and immediately returned it to her "because I know you'll regret giving this later and I believe you really need this more than I do." Of course, I'm not a role model - I say what's on my mind but sometimes that's harsh. My way is NOT recommended.

Golden To Silver Val said...

I hear you and totally understand and agree with your logic. Why they don't is the million dollar question...never to be sensibly answered. So..I agree with Cheryl and Mary...and probably what you've figured out to do anyway...go with the flow and enjoy as much as possible. Soon you'll be back home and in control.
Stay mellow ~

Kelly Jene said...

Aw Crusty, you are heard honey. Maybe not in the right ways and by the right people. I'm sorry. I hate that feeling. As for gifts.. if it's not given freely with no strings, then it's not a gift. Its a "thing" with fine print attached. And we all know how we feel about fine print. It sucks and makes it completely pointless.

You are loved.

simonsays said...

Ahhh...Crusty, one day you will receive the respect you deserve. It will either come with age, or a big old hissy fit from you. Either way, you will win. Hang in.

Your vacation sounds wonderful. Crowded, but wonderful. Oh how I would love the sun and warmth.

Have a great time.

SOUL: said...

i remember those florida rains-- raining on one side of the street-- sun shining on the other-- that's what made it sooo cool!
one of the things...
sounds like you're havin a great time!!!
did you find a "shells"
makes me hungry just thinkin about it. good cheap, fresh seafood. YUM
wish they had one here.

anyways-- keep havin fun... you really shoulda stuffed me in a suitcase!!!

we're gonna get MORE snow!!!

Gypsy said...

It can be so awkward when you stay at someone elses home, even when they are family. All you can really do is go with the flow like everyone has already suggested. Once you are back home you are free to be who you really are.

In the meantime, enjoy your holiday as much as you can and maybe don't try to please as much. When it comes to what's best for your sons then you are the person in charge. You and hubby of course.

Susan said...

You are somewhere warm and at this point in Chicago's winter - I would trade places with you in a woes and all!


Anonymous said...

"Why am I never heard?"

Take it in stride and realize some alternatives are:

1) Being heard as you're in the verbal cross-hairs of an ugly family fight,
2) Being unheard in northern Minnesota this time of year when everyone's stuck inside together, and
3) Being such an object of scorn and derision that no one cares to invite you and yours to this family event.

Take time between now and when you get back home to fathom just how blessed your time has been and will continue to be.


austere said...

Here- its been said already.. let iit go, go with the flow, keep your sunshine, lady!

mosiacmind said...

i hope that you are able to keep having some fun and it is hard i think in families for some of us to be heard. i LOVE the sound of the ocean! gracie has been upset due to the wind today and has been barky more and i said gracie listen to the ocean and she stopped barking...: )

Portia said...

What a beautiful scene you painted for us:) Sounds like a great time with family and friends. And as for your cryptic little rant, my two cents say you're not naive at all, but make perfect sense. You even seem to rant with grace! I hope you are enjoying your holiday, even if it leaves you needing another one!