Monday, March 31, 2008

Pitfalls "Because, (LIKE) I forgot to Duck" of being in your 30's

If you are 30 or older you will think this is hilarious!!!

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning ... uphill BOTH ways. I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it! But now that I'm. over. the. ripe. old. age. of. thirty., I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today....

I have to say it, You've got it "easy!" I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn technology safety bubble! I hate to say it but you "kids of today" don't know how good you've got it! I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have The Internet. If we wanted to know something, and our parents couldn't afford the encyclopedia books, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalog!! "Filed by" was no email!!

Term papers were typed by typewriters, with footnotes.
Letters were left near the kitchen phone saying that "we went to play @ Joe's house we will be home by SUPPERTIME."
@ wasn't a symbol linking us to the world, mainly the symbol to help us abbreviate notes to our parents.
We learned cursive in 2ND grade.

We had to like actually write somebody a letter with a pen! Then you had to walk all the way across the street, or around the corner at the end of your block, (usually mailboxes were nearby the local playground) and put it in the mailbox and it would take at least a week to get to the next town. There were no MP3's or Napsters! You wanted to steal music, then you'd best climb up on your pink and blue ten speed Schwinn and pedal your Brenty pants wearing self to the closest FlipSide Records. Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ' d usually talk over the beginning and jack it all up. Or as you were recording it, your damn brother would walk in and begin talking, ruining the rockin cassette dubbing.

We did have the interactive stuffed animals, though not as cool as the ones of today.They freaked out every parent and perhaps every child that owned one. No, they weren't called Webkinz, they were called FURBYs!

We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal, that's it! Funny, don't you remember calling and getting a busy signal, and then pushing the big white hang up button only to dial the number again and again.and.again.and.again each time getting a busy signal, but you never knew, so you were smart and would just push down the big ole hang up button, and dial again. If the line was busy and you had an emergency call, you could press O and ask the operator to interrupt the call; "SERIOUSLY! I JUST BOUGHT THE RECORD, YOU CAN SEE THE BURN MARKS, THAT'S WHY HE'S WEARING THE GLITTER GLOVE, It's on sale at FLIPSIDE, can we have a sleep over tonight and watch the THRILLER TAPE? I'll bring my Preemie Cabbage Patch kid!!!!"

You could hear your GYM Teacher coming back to the gymnasium strictly by the woosh wooshing of their Fluro Tracksuits. Course you could probably go blind staring at the bright colors of their track suits...swosh swosh swosh.."Okay, he's down at the end of the gym," said your sit-up classmate/partner that was busy crushing your gym shoes because she/he were kneeling on your feet holding you down while you did sit ups, " you can slow down the sit ups, we'll say you got 33."

We didn't have fancy Caller ID Boxes either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! Like it could be your school, your mom, your boss, your neighbors, whomever!! You just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister brown! People didn't like calling towns that sit about 15miles from them. If they did call, they'd spend a fortune because it was considered long distance.

We didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like 'Space Invaders' and 'Asteroids'. Your guy was a little square! You actually like had to use your imagination!! Keep in mind there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen forever! And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE! Anyone recall RIVER-RAID or PITFALL? FROGGER? I loved the logs in FROGGER!

When you went to the movie theater, there was like no such thing as stadium seating! Actually the movie theater was just that, a musty smelly old velvet plush colored theater. You knew the ones sitting in the back were there for one purpose only-2ND base!

All the seats were the same height! If a tall guy or some old broad with a hat sat in front of you and you couldn't see, you were just screwed!

Now, we did have cable television, but back then that was only like 15 channels and there was no on screen menu and no remote control! You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel and there was no Cartoon Network either! RABBIT EARS!

You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons! We didn't have microwaves either, so if we wanted to heat something up we had to use the stove or go build a fringing fire . Imagine that!

We read the comics front page, two insides, and the weaker back page, over the weekends. I could always tell if we were going to Sunday morning Church based on whether Dad would get the paper first thing Sunday morning, or hop in the shower upon waking up. He got in the shower, we were screwed, we'd have to get all quiet and like proper because first thing shower meant we were all headed to church, and you could count on the next hour being quite hectic.

But regardless, we'd sit, near our parents, reading those beloved things. I for one loved For Better Or For Worse and Family Circle. Not to mention I wanted SOOOOOoo bad to be a newspaper delivery boy-granted I was a girl-because they got to get up early and ride around and throw things at front doors, with the occasional tip over the holidays.

To be back in the 80's and 90's again. When the show Donahue, became the most widely watched show. Or wearing the ever so 'kewl' challis skirt with a navy blazer and a button shirt, but that's because preppy was dubbed in style.

We can't forget the ever popular statement that former president Ronald Reagan said to his wife, Nancy, back in the 80's, after being shot, "Honey I forgot to Duck." Then again in the 90's when in a TV debate with Jimmy Carter, "there you go again...Are you better off then you were four years ago..?"

The 80's ahh the 80's, when talk increased and mobility taken for granted simply because of the invention of the cordless 8x10 phone. Then in the 90's, the eyebrows raised over the TV show STUDS, because frankly it was entirely way too tasteless to appear on tv. I wasn't allowed to watch that show, but luckily I had just checked out a book from the library, the best seller of 1990, 'Message From Nam' by Danielle Steel. Gimme a break, 'An Inconvenient Woman' by Dominic Dunn was already checked out.

If we wanted popcorn, we had to use that stupid Jiffy Pop thing and shake it over the stove forever like an idiot. You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled. You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980's or 1990's!

Now pardon me, I must tune into my Walkman that requires 10 AA batteries, because I found my old singles;
The first few tapes on the Walkman list?
-UNSKINNY BOP, by Poison
-PUMP UP THE JAM, by Technotronic
-CRADLE OF LOVE, by Billy Idol

When I tire of the music from the year 1990, I may turn back the clock further and tune into my singles that I robbed from my parents crawl space;
-He's So Shy, by The Pointer Sisters
-Fame, by Irene Cara
-Funkytown, by Lipps, Inc.
and, finally, 'Sailing', by Christopher Cross.

Meanwhile, everyone under the sun in the 90's coined the word LIKE (not to be confused with the word, syche!) and enjoyed putting it in front of every, like, adjective that you could think of.
Well, like, not every adjective, and like, not everyone said it, either.

Welcome To Crustybeef~
The over 30 Crowd
Special thanks to Tex for the email inspiration


The Window Watcher said...

Yer welcome!

Cheryl said...

How do you think of these things? I bet you do puzzles too. I don't and get my decades mixed up. Well thought out post, my dear.

Foster Communications said...

Nice! I totally can relate to this! I'm 35. Today I got guessed for 22. (By a hottie) Yes, I'm loving life today. :)

Kelly Jene said...

This was such a trip dude! So fun to look back. I love ya!!!!

jAMiE said...

That was a are so clever!

austere said...

GREAT post, Crusty.
Just too good.

simonsays said...

What a wonderful post!

And us over forty-somethings can take it even a step further...

Really, I loved reading this.



WW: Pointer Sisters.

Cheryl: researching google, emails, my life, time inbetween because it's nap hour...but I am not good at crosswords...Sudk pzzles, yes, I love, and I'll play word search puzzles forever..actually have made one or two for Jackson..he's a big fan too!

FOster: I see you finally met my cousin, eh? :) hahah.. Isn't that a great thing? ANd there is no way you're 35! You have the face of a 25 year old!! It's being around all those kiddies, isn't it??

Kelly: I heard clicking early this morning while everyone was sleeping and BDD on the train and thought, OH NO, your book! I'm freaked out! :) great great story..I am only on page 79...can't wait for more!

Jamie: you are too sweet, thank you!

Austie: I'd love to hear about things from your childhood, especially with everything that'd you've seen!!!

Jamie again: I smell another meme! :)


fiwa said...

I remember party lines... (we lived in the sticks, see next comment) and we had NO CABLE AT ALL!! Oh, the horror. We lived out in the boonies and they wouldn't run cable out to us. I was the only kid in school that didn't have mtv. *sob*

But I'm over that now, I watch Rock Of Love compulsively to make up for it. ;0)

I enjoyed reading this - I agree about looking things up on the internet, how did we ever survive without it?


captain corky said...

"We had to like actually write somebody a letter with a pen!"

Yeah, that sucked! Letters take way too much effort.

You forgot to mention the porn! Remember when you had to keep your vhs porn collection in a paper bag? That was terrible.

Susan said...

Speaking of writing letters with a pen - my Momma recently gave me a letter from the late 1960's that I sent to my Uncle Al when he was in the Navy during the Vietnam War - he brought it home with him and eventually it made it back to my Momma - what a great thing to be able to touch and re-read that letter all these years later - I doubt I will be printing out any of the emails that my kids have sent and turning them over to them when they are in their prime!

good ol' time

Diane Vogel Ferri said...

Like my parents always say - imagine how WE feel!! It's frightening how fast things change sometimes.Good post. Love ya, D

Anonymous said...


"Honey, I forgot to duck" was in March 1981 when President Reagan was shot.

"There he goes again" was in the 1980 campaign against Carter.

It's the history guy in me.


Portia said...

This is hilarious! I don't think I've thought about the dewey decimal system since the last time i used it. And I have a hard time imagining my life now without caller i.d.
I hope you are having a good week so far:)


UD: I got the 'Honey I forgot to Duck' right, but am off on the TV debate! Thank you for the accurate info!!!!
Saw a Punda today!! Was fun!! lol



PARTY LINES!! HAHAHAH I LOVED PARTY LINES...although was not allowed...don't feel bad on the MTV I had monitered tv with MTV...and the locking key for cable box to lock out the bad channels. :)



Capt Corky: Yeah, I can't recall that part..I just remember the brown bag cover ups at the local 711's even though the mag's were behind the clerk and you had to be 18 to touch them.




Susan: You make an excellent point...hmmmmmmmm...pardon me, I need to go write some letters... :)




Diane: "now I know how they felt." never used to understand that saying of theirs,.."someday you'll know how WE feel.." now I do. :)

Portia: DDS!!!! HAHAHAHAH!! I remember learning about the DDS and thought, ugh... :)so far so good on the SB


Gypsy said...

I loved this but like Jamie I could go back a decade further and believe me when I say I feel quite ancient even typing that.