Friday, May 09, 2008


That's what occurred last night in the dental chair of the Sauntering Frank's office.


I was sitting there in the dentist chair as Gia, their newest and size below zero skinny pants with doe eyes and long lashes laid the pad underneath my back.
I guess he didn't learn the first time around, only this little hottie hygienist is married.

You see I was having the build up done on tooth number 15 to prepare it for the crown, but they needed to do electrosurge and burn off some of the gums around that tooth, to make room for the temporary to assist with impressions, and for when the crown comes in for delivery in two weeks.

It hurts. Plus my insurance won't cover it so it's an additional $93 out of my own pocket.

They pull out the funky looking laser thing with all these wires. Gia begins to connect the red wire to a tan pad meanwhile as I ever so calmly turn towards my dentist and with my heart racing, I asked him, "is this one of those heated massages that I am so definitely owed?"

Yeah, didn't think so.
No humor this time around.
But I'm leaving here and paying you 629 dollars and 50cents even.
I deserve humor.
Instead I developed yet another anxiety attack, which I did work myself out of, after I pictured myself ripping off the wires, pulling the gauze gag-er from my mouth, yanking off my blouse and running outta there naked. That made me laugh to myself, that freakish visual story that I had running in my head, so it settled my blossoming panic attack, and naturally I didn't cave nor die.

They connected the red wired to the pad and placed it under my shoulder, near my back, perhaps to keep me warm and fuzzy.

To keep me grounded instead.

The big daddy wire, the one that intended to do their work on the gum, was the king of all wires. The drama will be caused by this black wire that had a silvery pen looking gadget with a piece of thin metal sticking out of it.

Drama and not trauma because of the drama I launched into later on at home when the numbness wore off. That's the electrosurge's fault.

Yep, Sauntering Frank with his zen music and his hot little Italian broads assisting, used that black daddy wire stick and volted that machine up to cut off my gums, and I felt the zinging they did to me then. Yelping out in silent pain from my gank pelvic jerk, he took that as a sign that it hurted (intentionally said) so, he re-needled me with numbing aids, all in my upper area gum lines in numerous spots near the palette too, to work on numbing my bad self up and much better too.
Although getting a needle stuck into your upper palette does hurt quite a bit, it makes my head go light, and my neck gets all red and flush but what am I going to do about it?
You know, because I'm such a sally, and could initially feel him cutting/burning away my gums.

Then I was fine thank the heck goodness, and didn't feel any zinging that had previously found a pathway to roll up zinging and freaking up in my brain. You know that feeling, when you chew on aluminum foil? Sort of like that, but picture it climbing up within your insides with pop Rocks candy popping up inside, deeper and deeper with the volts.

Not fun.

Then I got home and by then the shots of the Novocaine had begun to wear off at just the time I was climbing into my bed to attempt at watching Greys Anatomy and their show this week on date and tell policies.


I sent my mom a text message and it read: "OWIE I WANT MY MOMMY!"

and then I fell asleep on my husband.
and his foot still really hurts.
It's been some week.

Welcome To Crustybeef~
I'm fading everyone, and fast.


Andrew said...

I shudder at the mere thought of going to a dentist right now. My mouth is in bad shape. You always make me smile with your humor, though. Have a great night and give BiggDogg and the kids a hug for me.

Mary said...

Oh my God!!! I would have caved and run for my life. Just having my teeth cleaned causes me to prespire - no wait - I don't prespire nor do I glow - I sweat like the coward that I am.

It has, indeed, been a challening week at your house. I hope the boys sleep well tonight and that you and hubby are able to curl up together and forget the pain.

Portia said...

Oh boy Crusty. I'm sorry you're in such pain! Been kind of a traumatic week, huh? Still, you are one of the funniest people I know:) Is that picture actually from SF's office?

You prompted me to look up chewing on aluminum foil, btw...never done that and I had no idea what you were talking about. Crazy stuff.

I hope you have a great weekend and find some relief from your pain!!


fiwa said...

Oh GIRL! My husband just went through that same thing. I feel for you.

I hope you and your boi both feel better soon.

Take those pain meds! Down 'em!


The Window Watcher said...

Nothing like oral surgery!! Been there!
I think ya need a shot of whiskey.
Maybe not.

Diane Vogel Ferri said...

Elizabeth, I tagged you on my post today - if you're too worn out don't worry about it though, Hope you're feeling better. Diane


andrew: one word, or two:
Dentist's suck :)


p.s. Hugs and cuddles were extended out!! Thanks for saying hi!

Martha said...

I'm so sorry--if it's any consolation at all, I had the same thing done not too long ago. I've had too much dental work for one lifetime. In fact, the money that went into my mouth is more than my life insurance policy. Lovely, huh?

SOUL: said...

hope ya feel better today--- that is some weird procedure eh? i never knew they even did that to a mouth-- til i saw the flame comin at mine.. eegads :))

happy mothers day--

JLee said...

OUCH!! You should have kicked Gia in the shins for being that skinny. ha

Cheryl said...

Are you feeling any better? I can't even imagine! Poor Elizabeth...the treatment sounds barbaric.

bonnie said...

This post makes me want to throw up a little. I could not do that. I'd have to take large doses of lorazapam, and then I tell them they could ONLY do it if they put me to sleep for a while. You are SO BRAVE. Happy Mother's day, precious.xoxoxo

The Real Mother Hen said...

Hiya! For that kind of money, I would at least demand all the wires to be gold and silver-plated! :)

Honestly, I'm surprised that you need to wait 2 weeks for your crown. I would make sure that he didn't order it from China though :)

Foster Communications said...

My mouth hurts just reading this!!!!
Dang girl! You deserve you some ice cream!

Kelly Jene said...

Oh my poor Crusty. I ache reading this, cuz ouch!! You have been through the wringer these past weeks. Good grief. Prayers coming at ya right now and then some...

Angels are lurking!


Gypsy said...

Next Monday I have to go to the Dentist where we will discuss removing all of my teeth to get dentures. huh? I have sensational teeth but lousy gums and if they don't all come out soon I won't have any gums left to rest those suckers on.

I am sooo looking forward to it.....NOT! Before that happens I have to have my teeth cleaned til it can be organised and let me tell you my gums are killing me before they've even started. I feel an enforced starvation diet coming on.