Wednesday, November 05, 2008

Robbin' Hood

A classmate of Jackson's told him something yesterday that curled my crusty toes up along my hairy legs and pissed me off. I know, I'd better get used to it because as we progress into the parenthood raising neighborhood of different ideals, I'll only experience more, shall we say, opposites on how to "properly parent" your child. Although if you ask me, there is no set way to properly parent your child, your way is your way, and as long as you aren't abusing your child, stick with your way but be willing to tweak it when the time comes. Just please try not to be so ignorant or blind or unwilling to see change.

A developing child is like a snapshot, and the "pictures" that we are able to view throughout their growth are like time exposures. The more they travel with their camera through different experiences, the more they're going to see and learn. The greater the growth of your "child's album," the longer your album is around, the more likelihood there is for an over-exposure, or blemish. We have to hope, as parents, that when we discover a blemish, we offer gentle care to assist in repairing the blemish versus growing an uptight girth about the possibility of a ruined picture (Yes, I am guilty of doing just that on many occasions).

We have to be aware of what we say to our friends, or significant others and be certain that even though our little ones aren't involved with the words of conversations, they are hearing it and adding it to their albums for future use.

Another issue is when parents are unable to remove themselves with the image that their child is pictured above and beyond better then the rest of the "albums" walking around. They begin to compare with the sibling albums, or the neighbor albums, maybe even the desk partner albums. They fail to realize that comparing and boasting can actually damage their own beautiful album that is developing quickly before their own eyes.

It's one thing to set realistic goals for them, to talk to them at a certain level, to build positive aware confidence, but it's another thing if they believe that their albums are above and beyond better bounds and binds then any other album around. They begin to treat their albums as if they're aware of everything that grown up albums have witnessed. They believe that they're able to comprehend discussions like pixels and shutters, memory cards and zoom abilities. By overloading them with things clearly not "self snapshot ready," only creates more confusion when those very "albums" take those conversations with them to school and discuss these conversations with the other albums seated around them.

Snapshots are pictures.

Just let your albums store the pictures! Stop downloading them with crap unnecessary to process at their levels. Stick with the fundamentals of how to take a picture, how to take care of your albums, how to keep it safe, clean, and based on their own features, provide them with opportunities to succeed at things at their own ability. Don't flood them with things that cannot be grasped. Don't take away from their overall growth.......

I don't have any idea why I just went from experiencing all different types of parenting styles into a ramble of pictures, cameras and snapshots, so I do apologize, I just am so ticked that a child would have such ignorant chatter either spoken to them, or overheard, and then spilled it to other children around them.

You see, the reason I am so frustrated, is that yesterday, a classmate told Jackson something that is clearly an ignorant approach to opportunity in the USA! A young "snapshot" clearly not ready to take on the world of high end photography told Jackson that Obama is not only too dark but he also kills babies and steals money from people.

Sorry guys, no matter who you voted for, to involve yourself in such chatter so that your child may overhear this, and then go to school and speak like that, is atrocious. How am I supposed to deal with this without filling my son's head with things that I feel he isn't at the level to grasp yet?
As we all know, I am a white female, and when I watched the rally last night, I didn't see our future president as black, I saw him as a human being that will now be running our country for the next four years. Forget the fact that he isn't 100% African American, but a wonderful mixture between two people that created him.

Maybe it's easier for me to see, coming from a household where mixtures exist. It's very easy for me not to see the differences, but to see the potential for hope and change. I don't see Obama killing babies, but giving people the choice of what to do with their own bodies. My pregnant neighbor to my right may detest the fact that people have abortions, whereas my neighbor to my left fully believes in them.

To me, I see choice. I look at where my family is at, what I think we need now and in the future to better ourselves, what I feel is my right way to live a life, and how with all of that, how can I take care of the people I love and care about, as well as people that I'll never meet.

I take the cracks that are showing up in the walls of my home, not the home across the street, but my home, the cracks that could very well affect my family in a negative way, and based on that, make my vote. Maybe I won't get what I want in the person that I voted for, or on the other hand, maybe my vote won't give me the person that I want, no matter, any change from the present is good.

All I can say is this, I did my best to explain to Jackson the story of Robin Hood in hopes that I wasn't robbing my son's "snapshots" by talking to him about things that I feel he clearly isn't ready to comprehend. I discussed with him how beautiful it is for change, and I used the example of how I re-arrange my furniture. I asked him if he enjoys trying out different spots of his bedroom furniture, if he likes the new look, the change. I asked him if he ever gets sick of the way things are placed and if he's up for re-arranging his dressers. I asked him if he's happy to keep things exactly the way they are, and if so, I made sure to tell him that that is okay too. I told him that there have been times when I have moved our furniture around, that the new look just isn't right. A couch may be too big for one corner, a dresser too small for the wall that it leans upon, but until I actually shift the furniture around, I won't be able to see if the move is a good one, or not so good. Luckily for some people, dubbed the Interior Designers of America, they're able to see the room before they ever even begin to move the furniture, and that's a fabulous gift. But even the best Interior Designers make mistakes.

No matter, I told Jackson that it's nice to be able to have a choice in how to place the furniture, no matter where we place it, no matter how different my couch looks from my neighbors, it's about us being able to have the chance to make the choice. It's about us willing to share with our friends and neighbors, even if their home hosts a mixture of creamy brown hardwood floors whereas our home we has realtor beige white carpet. No matter if we prefer a home that is old and has had many many years to settle into it's foundation, or if we prefer to go out and buy a home that hasn't yet even had a chance to grow grass, that's not what's most important.

What matters is that we share with others respectfully, we treat everyone nicely even if we don't always like them, and we take care of those that have less then us, even if that means we may have to give up some of our own, it's not like there'll be nothing left.

What matters is that we believe what we feel is right, we use our voices that G-d has given us to make choices for ourselves, and we stop trying to get everyone else to like Lego's just because we do. Other people may prefer Barbies and guess what, that is okay.

My results are in, and it's benign!! Thank G-d!!! I return in 6months for the nodule check up and as long as the one nodule doesn't grow beyond 2Cm's, I won't need a lobectomy. I also go back in just 3months to check on my acid reflux-yeah yeah, I know, I have been diluting my caffeine with decaf, don't you worry!


Kelly Jene said...

I'm sorry you had to have that conversation with Jackson. My kids are at the point where we are able to discuss more in depth issues and just last night we discussed how not everyone is ready for the talks that we have. They are able to understand that our deeper discussions stay at home for now. At Jackson's age though, I can't believe that other little boy was exposed to such talk.

Praise God your test came back benign! I bet that was a huge weight lifted.

The Window Watcher said...

What a powerful post!!! It's just another reminder that we have to keep our senses keen when our children are around. I think your description of Obama is spot on. Believing in choice doesn't mean you are for it yourself...I wish some people would understand that.


Kelly: and you also recognize and trust your children not to say anything..because you know them. So many parents don't know their children..and give them too many ideals which end up out of their broken promise mouthes.

You're handling it right!
p.s thank you for the happy no beni's! :)


YOu said powerful in the same sentence that read BARBIE, INTERIOR DESIGN, REARRANGE FURNITURE--yep you were holding a weeble wobble winnie that day out in the driveway with the Mr Rogers trolley!
LOL!! Totally messing with you!!

seriously though, yes, you are very right, change is good--no matter who it would have been, change would have occurred and it unravels itself silently and slowly!


Martha said...

Thank you for having such a healthy perspective. I detest having to attempt conversations with my three-year-old because of something someone else has said. You put into words a lot of what I was feeling yesterday.

captain corky said...

How come nobody told me I was going to have to deal with issues like this when I was putting my...

Well you know what I mean. ;)

I can't believe there are still people out there like that. Sick stupid f#$Cs poisoning their kid's minds.

Brad said...

Glad to see the results came back negative - Just had a minute to stop by - I'll be back later to read all the way through later tonight - Jay's in class so I'll have the house to myself for a bit! Heaven!

Susan's Snippets said...

Hey CB - First, PRAISE the Lord!! Excellent!!

With regard to other parents and their choices within their homes - you cannot control...just keep filling the boys with good stuff and they will be fine. Also teach them to question and have them be comfortable with sticking up for their/your own belief.

what a relief

Anonymous said...

You had to know that I would be the wet blanket!

I'm afraid that Jackson had visions of dark men, theft, and hurt babies. He left the conversation with thoughts about home organization and design. So my question is, were you trying to support your choice to him? Because if that's what you were trying to do, there's nothing wrong in it. But I worry that this backdoor approach might have been confusing for him.
You are so 100% right in parenting our own way. So, have some confidence in yourself because you're doing great!! Don't be afraid that presenting 'your side' to him is wrong. Don't be afraid to teach him that this is an election in America (which we are lucky to have) and people have different opinions and choices- and that some people get a little nuts about it sometimes and say things that sound scary. Teach Jackson that asking, learning and thinking are the best things to do in an election. You are a wonderful mother- don't be afraid of your own beliefs!


AD- you know what, you are absolutely right, I might have made it more confusing! CRAP! Should I re-engage the conversation or wait until he brings it up again? You make a very good point,and now I wish I'd have been able to chat with you prior to making the move to talk feng shui with him-hee-hee..

Thank you though, I can always count on you for being there.

I have a dryer that can hold any wet blankie no matter how sopping wet it is-- look at it this way, IT'S THURSDAY!!!
P.S. Remember, even when there's something bad, something good is always discovered. :)


Snippets: I know I can't, it's just more the awakening of the fact that the older they grow, the harder it becomes.. Like everything I've experienced with child rearing, I could never really understand it until I walked it..when he was a newborn and I would be crying that I didn't know how to do this, or my nipples were killing me and I felt guilty for the thoughts of pumping and dumping and ceasing the feedings, someone said to me, "just wait, it's even worse when they're older, in school.."
I didn't get it--
until now.
The more he grows, the more I experience the lows. :) (a rhyme for you)

P.S. Does he want to do some babysitting until something good comes along? Does he photoshoot children? If so, I'd like to talk to him about some family portraits. :) or even a gift that he could 'put together.'

Thank you for your prayers! A few towns away that's really reassuring. :)



Martha: It's very very very challenging. everything from tv to training wheels versus two wheels, back mounted boosters to the standard boosters, late nights, sleep overs, movie guy is just still only 6--although 7 is only a week from tomorrow- how did we get here so fast?


Capt: Just wait, it gets worse. :) LOL. Do you believe me, can you feel it happening? Don't though, don't try to feel the drama of tomorrow, just deal with the drama of the day you're at and then someday looking back when you're at the point I am with this nonsense drama you'll be all--"is this what I get for stick---..."
:) you always manage to bring a smirk to my face. :)




Brad: Are you behaving nicely or beeeeeefy tonight? :) QUiet time is a beautiful thing so long as it isn't permanent.. :)
Thank you for your well wishes--and the good luck magnets that Bri shaped into a heart until the day the phone rang to say benign! :)
You're a good luck charm!


simonsays said...

You are such a good mom. And a good friend. Thank you so very much for your kind words E, you have no idea how much they help.

You are awesome.

And thank God that your tests are good!

Happy Friday. Hugs. :)


Jaime: Awwwwww, you're welcome, although my words are just letters, I wish I could give you and J a huge hug and make a promise that everything will be okay. I think it will be.

I'm in a weepy sappy mood, Pam must be arriving anytime now, damnit!


Cheryl said...

How did I miss this good news. Yeah!!! I'm so happy for you!!! Big sigh of relief.

I take Prevacid for my reflux and I can drink all the caffeine I want, btw.

austere said...

Thank GOD!

Crusty, feels so good to be alive, yeah????

Was wanting to ask about the health for sooooo long...

Anonymous said...

What a relief to know that the tests were benign.

You are a wonderful mother E. Just keep following your instincts with the way you approach parenting with your boys. Seems to me you have done a great job so far and no-one knows their children like a mother.