A Moment With Jackson

Before I laugh my ass off with you guys on what Jackson said the other night, I want to thank you for all your prayers and support! Jimmy was moved out of ICU and is in a regular step down unit room. Next up after his hospital discharge will be hanging out in a rehabilitation center to help with heal, recover and be independent again. It's a long journey for him. After all, he bruised his brain stem, had a fractured skull, blood clot and well,...no need to rehash.

We don't know the extent of the neuro injuries until it's evaluated by the right doctors..but it doesn't matter..he's still with us.


Moving Onto Jackson:
J: "Mom, there's a bug called the sexton beetle, you know that?"
M: "I didn't know that, Jackson."
J: "Mom, it has that word in it, you know, s-e.x."
M: (trying hard to play all confused) "Why, is that a bad word?"
J: "it says sex before it, you know, s-e-x."
M: "What does that word mean?
J: "It means a girl is hot."

Well, I have a feeling Jackson's going to hear the bird and bees chat sooner then I thought. First grade seems awfully young to know that there's a taboo to that name. Granted, who am I to talk, I may not have known what that word was at his age, but I sure as hell put Barbie and Ken naked in bed together and got worried my mom would discover them.

*I can't remember the exact name of the bug, or beetle, but I do know it had sex in front of it..speaking of sex, are the boys asleep yet?*

NOT ME MONDAYS -MY VERY FIRST ONE

It's a cute idea that I hijacked/borrowed/involved/played along with..
From our darling MckMama's blog! You know her, she has the sweetest family and her little Stellan is a wonderful miracle of a little boy. Not to mention precious.

So Not Me Monday's is when you twist around the truth. For example, if I slept in on Sunday and didn't go to church, then you'll see it as: I did not sleep in on Sunday and miss a wonderful service at church.

Make sense?

You know, I'd really like to see some of your "not Me's," will you please play along? To understand how it works, the right way, please visit Mckmama's site, and read up on NOT ME MONDAYS!

Now, if I may, here are my Not Me's:

1. I most certainly did Not grab a clean tee shirt out of the laundry basket to clean up after the coffee that I suddenly did not spill all over my other sons homework folder.

2. I most certainly did not grab his favorite Star Wars shirt in a panic to use to clean up the mess of coffee all over the counter that I did not spill while trying to grab my cell phone because I did not plan on texting my girlfriend to turn on the radio to listen to a song that we did not just dance to at a bar, this past weekend.

3. I did not go out with about 25 moms from Jackson's school for a girls night out in a town called Naperville. And I most certainly did not dance to the old song, "baby got back" when the DJ played it.

4. I definitely did not dance up on a block shaking my pancake ass alongside another very boring mom, like myself.

5. My girlfriends and I did not make the cab driver go out of his way and stop at taco bell while driving us home, this past Saturday night.

6. I did not use the excuse of, "well, if I have a few drinks the alcohol will assist with thinning my blood, which in turn will help reduce my really nasty Pam flow.

7. The ladies and I did not discuss "pre-sex," nor anything that relates to our boobs, sex life, size and favorite times to engage in it."

8. We definitely did not all dance in a circle with our purses thrown into the middle like a camp bonfire.

9. We did not scream and hoot and raise our hands to the roof and pretend it was us the DJ was talking about whenever he would give a shout out pertaining to someones 21st birthday, bachelorette party.."

10. I did not lie and tell an old guy friend that the reason we couldn't attend his wedding was because we were going to be out of town at the time. I most certainly told him the truth that the reason we wouldn't be able to attend was because he was making a huge mistake, his fiance is a selfish rude materialistic broad, and he's just getting married for the sake of getting married and not because he truly loves her. But because he loves the idea of a marriage and he's the only one out of his friends not married and he's afraid that he's never going to marry being 37 years old.

11. I did Not use my family's name, and contact the hospital to request a decent surgery time for this Wednesday. Nope and I most certainly did not chat with my aunt in surgery scheduling, either.

12. I did not tell Jackson that the reason he had to have hot lunch because we were out of lunchmeat when really it was because I was too lazy to make his lunch this morning.

13. I did not have horrible gas yesterday and I did not blame it on the dog.

14. I did not freak Benjamin out because he wasn't listening when I was asking him to go inside after taking Jackson to school by telling him, "there's a squirrel climbing down the tree that you're standing next to."

15. I did not enjoy doing Not Me Mondays for the very first time.

Welcome to Crustybeef~

Catching Up--I guess Without the Question Marks In My Head

Shhh..last minute Christmas Card picture.
Please don't wake Chick or the hidden webkinz dog Peekachoo while Jackson lay dreaming!


All Is Calm All is Bright...
at Last they're asleep for the night.
I'd give anything to have back that thumb sucking sooth, like Sully's old friend!



He's blurry with words when he first sees the Claus,
The Big Man himself says to Sully, "lets have a few words.."

Jack turned 7 on November the 14Th, he loves building Lego's,

hence the pretty yellow homemade Lego cake.

I did bake.

The morning of Jack's birthday, Sully was sharing.

By the end of the evening, he wasn't in the mood for caring.

"Hey look mom! We built this with our own bare hands, could you submit it to Lego.com

and perhaps we'll appear in the brick master magazine!"



Ben loves to sleep snuggled all cuddled in bed.

He loves his froggie, and Bambers the Deer. The Red ladybug

he now takes to at night, for it is his pathway, the nightlight, his lifeline, I suppose.

May all of his dreams become true stories that are for now remain untold.

That's me up above, the blond blogging broad. Please note the red blotches sprinkled up on my neck, it's amazing what one glass of wine will do to my vines-er, I mean veins..

We call it the Scandinavian flush!

It's all just the same.

Enjoy.

I'm off! Now, for the night, a movie and a few final words with big red fuzzy Claus.

Naughty or Nice.

Maybe when we light our Menorah tomorrow night the beginning of our village, the story will be told.

*dnutz, I LOVE IT!! Perfect! I can't get over it!!

Three Boys, A Sheet, and Snow In Summer

UGH, damn it!

Ben tipped over a cup that was sitting on the desk near the keyboard. Which means that a few keys are no longer working on my keyboard. One being the question mark key. It's very hard to maintain the proper tone with email and blogging without having a question mark to insert at the end of a sentence. It confuses people. It's confusing me. So if you see a QM after any sentence, you'll just have to imagine that it's really a question mark icon so that you can read the words in a tone of a question. Okay-QM.

Does anyone know how I can repair this-QM. I have the can of freeze spray or whatever it's called but that doesn't seem to help, and the keyboard's been dry for days now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you buy a hybrid car you naturally wouldn't fill the tank up full of gas, right-QM.

If you love snow you wouldn't move to southern Arizona, right-QM.
If you are afraid of Hurricanes you wouldn't live in Miami, right-QM.

If you don't want to get pregnant then you wouldn't have your partner leave their special mark inside of you, right-QM.

If you don't want anymore children and you opt for a tubal ligation, there's no need to take birth control pills, right-QM.

WRONG!
Not in my case. Well, not in my case yet, and I'm not sure I'll even opt for that because I'm just not comfortable with it. Why the ramble and the nonsense-QM.

Does it Snow in Summer-QM. In my world it does.

I had my tubes tied when I had some cysts removed on my ovaries back in November 07, and guess what, I need to go on the pill.

It sounds confusing, right-QM.

Only the real reason is due to the fact that Pam is here and is now 6weeks late and has been just awful. Thank goodness my mother in law was in town for a visit otherwise I would have been in trouble. I was in such awful pain yesterday that I didn't know whether to pee out my nose, fart out my ear or talk out my ass. The cramps were awful. I had my hot water bottle and menstrual thermal heat thing doubling up in my cramping region. A few days prior I could feel the sharp tugs that would mark the reminder that Pam would be arriving, but because my cycle is so seriously jacked up, it's hard to actually pin point.

No matter what OTC pill I swallowed yesterday, the pain wouldn't go away. No matter what herbal remedy I tried, the pain was still there. I just cried and thanked my lucky stars that my mother in law was in town. Unfortunately she returned to Florida early this morning, so I am back on my "own," so to speak. So today just before a nice little snow fall hit, I found myself in my Gyne's office, with my three boys, a draped sheet over my lower half, and Pam screaming obscenities from down under, hoping and seeking out answers.

To add insult to injury, my very awesome Gyne (and I mean that, he is amazing) did have to "go in and have a look." Sorry guys, don't like to read it, then skip this particular post and go look at the one about tits and ass and sex, okay-QM.

We have options and naturally the doctor will need to order some tests and I'll need to have some "Things" done to determine what's causing this. They'll have to inflate my uterus, like they do your bladder, with water by sticking a tube up there and then a camera to have a look to see if my uterus has thick walls inside of it. They want to do an ultrasound, an MRI and quite possibly exploratory surgery. But in the meantime, what to do about this. Or to avoid all of those tests in the future, what else can I do to stop these dreadful stop me in my I don't wanna sit down tracks-QM. Well, I can have a partial or full hysterectomy. That was one suggestion. The other one is to go on a form of birth control by pill that will stop my periods all together.

I don't like the sounds of either. Naturally my Gyne isn't telling me I have to do this, he's just telling me what my options are. Do I want the car with leather seats or do I want remote start-QM.

Another option is narcotics and anti inflammatory med's. That should help the pain a bit, only then I'm stuck with those in my system because in order for them to take affect, I'm supposed to begin taking the pills at the first sign that my period is on the horizon. Or rather, when a zit hits my nose.

No matter, we both want to find out what is causing these periods to be so dreadful. My periods have always been off, but ever since having a tubal, I swear, they've been worse. My Gyne will tell you that unfortunately there is no medical proof that a tubal can cause bad menstrual cycles, although he does disagree with the lack of medical findings on this, he has seen similar cases like mine, where the periods get worse after tubal ligation's. Unfortunately, even if the research came back 100% conclusive that a tubal can cause bad periods, there's nothing I can do about it now. Think about it, insurance companies don't cover tubal reversal's and I don't want to get pregnant so that's not an option. But I don't want to be without my uterus either, she's my friend, when she's not contracting like I'm in labor the dirty little whore that she can be at times.

Either way, it doesn't change the fact that my periods suck ass. It doesn't change the fact that my periods feel like I'm in early labor about 3-4cm dilated. That's the best I can describe it, and I can because I've had labor.

I'm cranky.

I'm tired.
I'm moody and bitchy.
I don't feel good and everything hurts.

wahhhhhhhhhhh. waahhhhhhhhhhh, cry and dry my eye.

So for now I've opted for the pain management option and then we'll wait until after my January round of Pam to follow up with my Gyne to determine the next step. Until then I'll try my best to avoid the narcotics and anti inflammatory but let me tell you, having three young ones around, very cold weather outside, shitty feelings inside my body, well, I'll swallow that pretty pink pill. I think.

Until then, be glad that you're not my neighbor, I might just chew your head off.

HELP MY QUESTION MARK IS HURT!

But my Uterus hurts worse.
There, my Uterus one upped my question mark ICON.

Robbin' Hood

A classmate of Jackson's told him something yesterday that curled my crusty toes up along my hairy legs and pissed me off. I know, I'd better get used to it because as we progress into the parenthood raising neighborhood of different ideals, I'll only experience more, shall we say, opposites on how to "properly parent" your child. Although if you ask me, there is no set way to properly parent your child, your way is your way, and as long as you aren't abusing your child, stick with your way but be willing to tweak it when the time comes. Just please try not to be so ignorant or blind or unwilling to see change.

A developing child is like a snapshot, and the "pictures" that we are able to view throughout their growth are like time exposures. The more they travel with their camera through different experiences, the more they're going to see and learn. The greater the growth of your "child's album," the longer your album is around, the more likelihood there is for an over-exposure, or blemish. We have to hope, as parents, that when we discover a blemish, we offer gentle care to assist in repairing the blemish versus growing an uptight girth about the possibility of a ruined picture (Yes, I am guilty of doing just that on many occasions).

We have to be aware of what we say to our friends, or significant others and be certain that even though our little ones aren't involved with the words of conversations, they are hearing it and adding it to their albums for future use.

Another issue is when parents are unable to remove themselves with the image that their child is pictured above and beyond better then the rest of the "albums" walking around. They begin to compare with the sibling albums, or the neighbor albums, maybe even the desk partner albums. They fail to realize that comparing and boasting can actually damage their own beautiful album that is developing quickly before their own eyes.

It's one thing to set realistic goals for them, to talk to them at a certain level, to build positive aware confidence, but it's another thing if they believe that their albums are above and beyond better bounds and binds then any other album around. They begin to treat their albums as if they're aware of everything that grown up albums have witnessed. They believe that they're able to comprehend discussions like pixels and shutters, memory cards and zoom abilities. By overloading them with things clearly not "self snapshot ready," only creates more confusion when those very "albums" take those conversations with them to school and discuss these conversations with the other albums seated around them.


Snapshots are pictures.

Just let your albums store the pictures! Stop downloading them with crap unnecessary to process at their levels. Stick with the fundamentals of how to take a picture, how to take care of your albums, how to keep it safe, clean, and based on their own features, provide them with opportunities to succeed at things at their own ability. Don't flood them with things that cannot be grasped. Don't take away from their overall growth.......

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I don't have any idea why I just went from experiencing all different types of parenting styles into a ramble of pictures, cameras and snapshots, so I do apologize, I just am so ticked that a child would have such ignorant chatter either spoken to them, or overheard, and then spilled it to other children around them.

You see, the reason I am so frustrated, is that yesterday, a classmate told Jackson something that is clearly an ignorant approach to opportunity in the USA! A young "snapshot" clearly not ready to take on the world of high end photography told Jackson that Obama is not only too dark but he also kills babies and steals money from people.

Sorry guys, no matter who you voted for, to involve yourself in such chatter so that your child may overhear this, and then go to school and speak like that, is atrocious. How am I supposed to deal with this without filling my son's head with things that I feel he isn't at the level to grasp yet?
As we all know, I am a white female, and when I watched the rally last night, I didn't see our future president as black, I saw him as a human being that will now be running our country for the next four years. Forget the fact that he isn't 100% African American, but a wonderful mixture between two people that created him.

Maybe it's easier for me to see, coming from a household where mixtures exist. It's very easy for me not to see the differences, but to see the potential for hope and change. I don't see Obama killing babies, but giving people the choice of what to do with their own bodies. My pregnant neighbor to my right may detest the fact that people have abortions, whereas my neighbor to my left fully believes in them.

To me, I see choice. I look at where my family is at, what I think we need now and in the future to better ourselves, what I feel is my right way to live a life, and how with all of that, how can I take care of the people I love and care about, as well as people that I'll never meet.

I take the cracks that are showing up in the walls of my home, not the home across the street, but my home, the cracks that could very well affect my family in a negative way, and based on that, make my vote. Maybe I won't get what I want in the person that I voted for, or on the other hand, maybe my vote won't give me the person that I want, no matter, any change from the present is good.


All I can say is this, I did my best to explain to Jackson the story of Robin Hood in hopes that I wasn't robbing my son's "snapshots" by talking to him about things that I feel he clearly isn't ready to comprehend. I discussed with him how beautiful it is for change, and I used the example of how I re-arrange my furniture. I asked him if he enjoys trying out different spots of his bedroom furniture, if he likes the new look, the change. I asked him if he ever gets sick of the way things are placed and if he's up for re-arranging his dressers. I asked him if he's happy to keep things exactly the way they are, and if so, I made sure to tell him that that is okay too. I told him that there have been times when I have moved our furniture around, that the new look just isn't right. A couch may be too big for one corner, a dresser too small for the wall that it leans upon, but until I actually shift the furniture around, I won't be able to see if the move is a good one, or not so good. Luckily for some people, dubbed the Interior Designers of America, they're able to see the room before they ever even begin to move the furniture, and that's a fabulous gift. But even the best Interior Designers make mistakes.

No matter, I told Jackson that it's nice to be able to have a choice in how to place the furniture, no matter where we place it, no matter how different my couch looks from my neighbors, it's about us being able to have the chance to make the choice. It's about us willing to share with our friends and neighbors, even if their home hosts a mixture of creamy brown hardwood floors whereas our home we has realtor beige white carpet. No matter if we prefer a home that is old and has had many many years to settle into it's foundation, or if we prefer to go out and buy a home that hasn't yet even had a chance to grow grass, that's not what's most important.


What matters is that we share with others respectfully, we treat everyone nicely even if we don't always like them, and we take care of those that have less then us, even if that means we may have to give up some of our own, it's not like there'll be nothing left.

What matters is that we believe what we feel is right, we use our voices that G-d has given us to make choices for ourselves, and we stop trying to get everyone else to like Lego's just because we do. Other people may prefer Barbies and guess what, that is okay.

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WELCOME TO CRUSTYBEEF!!!
My results are in, and it's benign!! Thank G-d!!! I return in 6months for the nodule check up and as long as the one nodule doesn't grow beyond 2Cm's, I won't need a lobectomy. I also go back in just 3months to check on my acid reflux-yeah yeah, I know, I have been diluting my caffeine with decaf, don't you worry!

"SAY IT AIN'T SOo", BEN!

It's official, I have a jinx figure living within my vocal cords and mouth.

Case and Point:

Me: "Brian, what's our balance in our Flex Spending account?"

BRIAN: "Waawaawaaahundred dollars waawaa"

Me: "Crap, what am I going to have to do, load up on OTC cold medicine?"

Yes, you've already read that on my previous post, but I felt like bundling my two stories all in one.

OUTCOME:

Naturally after that conversation with Brian, I got sick, had the ordeal of the cat scan and figured out I have nodules, so there goes the balance on our FSA and like I've said before, most likely extra money out of our pocket after taxes.

Here's another one:

CAUTION, DO NOT READ THIS WITH CHILDREN IN THE ROOM THAT YOU KNOW CAN READ QUITE WELL!!!

Brian: "where should we put Santa's Christmas Presents so that the kids don't find them?"

Me: "Just stick them in the crawl space back a ways."
Brian: "But where?"

Me: "Put them on top of the toddler bed, it's not like we'll need it, I plan on keeping Ben in his crib until he's like, 20, okay, like 4, I'm not going to give up my baby that easily!"

Brian proceeds to place the gifts that Santa will provide for the boys (I buy them in advance and being that it'll be a nice simple Christmas this year, it feels good to have it all done now before the prices are jacked up with "thanksgiving Sales," because they do go up) on top of the toddler bed that is along a wall back in the depths of our crawl space.

OUTCOME:

One week goes by and sure as butter on toast, guess who decides it's time to officially show off his gymnast skills? You got it! He's climbing out of his crib.

Say it ain't so!

I'm not ready to let go!
I don't want the endless nights to require us sitting within his eye sight

Nearby his bed

We'll we wish that he'd just rest his head

He'll wake up with energy ready to go

Sometimes even at quarter to four

and if I'm not ready to go and get him,

to swoop down and lift him

When he'll lift his hands up for me as I crouch down low..

Why bother talking about it,

All I've got to say is, say it ain't so.

The End.

(*have to have a fine needle biopsy with ultrasound next as well as blood work)

Again, THE END!

CODE of AMERICA

If only our Government went back to the roots of simplicity and realism.
If only they respected themselves and others too, in their class and in their school.
If only they promised to respect the rules in their class and in their school.
If only they promised to respect themselves and others too, in their class and in their school.
If only they promised to do all they can, to try their best and be all that they am.
And actually stick to their promises and follow through.

Somehow that's become lost.

I am not trying to be disrespectful at all to anyone in our government. However, I hate to say it but I truly believe my 6 year old and 4 year old have a better idea of respecting themselves, knowing the Pledge and helping each other out when they can more so then the top dogs with or without golden tickets and parachutes, and all the top officials in our government.

Simple.
To the Point.
Real.
No lies about that.
Consistant.

Sure we get frustrated, but when we do, we have people that we can rely on and trust, to step on in to help!
I don't believe our Government has that anymore.
At all.

That's Our Code.

What's yours?

UPDATE MONDAY OCTOBER 13TH:
Someone made my day today by words that she had written. Words that I don't always see, think or feel, and yet although life isn't about what other people think of you, but how you think of yourself, it's nice to see the "thinks" without a bone of vanity about it. She made my morning, noon and evening, sooon you'll understand why! But until then, Golden Val, THANK YOU!

Fail and Bail

Do you know that in my community, if you sign your children up for the park district for any specific type of "league sport" such as Tball, peewee and regular soccer, basketball, etc etc, until they're much MUCH older, they do not "count" points. They don't take them, capture them, score them, or even say them. There are no winners or losers in the town of little people and their park district activities.
No one has to cry over failing and no one has to scream with glee over winning a successfully played game of sports.

Funny, it seems that our government is attempting to do the same thing when it comes to the bailout and the chatter amongst the CNN's and the FOXNEWS LIVES and the MSNBC's, the House, the Senate, The President, the running candidates for President, at different times I have heard throughout this entire mess of the bailout discussion, mentions of failure and success.

They're not keeping score. They're like my Park District. Right now their actions are Not saying, "well, in order to be successful you have to fail, right."

"Come to America, because we won't allow the big Banks to fail, we'll pull the Park District Card out and say, if you fail, we'll bail you."

Just like children of today are being taught to play nice with everyone, that winning doesn't matter, that it's about team playing and togetherness. Now you guys all know how I am "one of those" thats totally for togetherness. But preparing my young children for their future by showing them that 'it's okay, because no matter what, you're not going to fail here out on the soccer field because no ones keeping score is only making their future walks more challenging, if you ask me.' I think we're tainting our children's future by hovering over them in this very manner. Don't worry if you don't try hard enough on your spelling test, don't worry if you fail, I'm not going to put an F on your report card. (Note: this is not to say that I push for perfection, no, but I'm going to teach my kids that unfortunately as minor as a cancelled playdate may be in their lives, it's a part of life. Disappointments are a part of life. Letting people down is a part of life and I'm not going to hide that from them).

Life IS about Failure! You work your duppa off all year long in nursing school, and yet when you take the boards, you fail. That's crappy, but it does happen to people. People fail. Shops that open up don't always make it, and you definitely don't see our Park District Gov't stepping in and bailing us out, right?

When you engage in something that is a path, a new venture, a business, a school program, a sport event, a scholar event, there's a % of people that just won't make the cut. Whether that's because they didn't study hard enough, or had too many sick days, or poor marketing skills, no matter the reasons, no matter who's to blame, people are going to fail.

Why is it that the Gov't isn't teaching their little ones (US!) that it's okay to fail. Personally the way they've handled the bailout-and I'm referring to everyone, I'm not blaming just one party, one person,- is absolute crap. It seems as if they're saying, there is no such thing as failure, because we're going to come in and bail you out if you're big and strong enough.

If you're the Lead coach of a hockey team, don't worry if you lose, you'll still have a job even if your job at teaching hockey sucks because we're going to come in and help you no matter how bad you screw up. No matter how many emails we uncover from top coaches written a couple years ago saying that 'you're fully aware that your hockey team is on a downward spiral, the skills are lacking of your players, and you just aren't sure there is a solution, but you just have to hope that you're not coaches by the time all the shit hits the fan.'

How dreadful is that?
There is failure in life and there is success. In order for there to be success there has to be failure no matter who's to blame.

If only the "Park District Folks" saw it that way.

THE OCCUPIERS

"American empire in the world is reaching the end of its road, and its next rulers must limit their interference to their own borders," Ahmadinejad said. This was quoted from an article in yahoo news on Tuesday around 6:30pm.

The following words and/or phrases are what stood out in my mind while reading the article:

AMERICAN EMPIRE
NEARING COLLAPSE
IRANIAN PRESIDENT
TERRORISM SPREADING QUICKLY
THE OCCUPIERS
LIMIT THEIR INTERFERENCE
BORDERS
ACCUSED TO WIN VOTES
STARTING WARS
BULLYING
IRAQ'S NUCLEAR PROGRAM
PURELY PEACEFUL
STRIKE THREE SANCTIONS
CESSPOOL
IRANIAN PRESIDENT FEARED
WIPE THE JEWISH STATE OF THE MAP
ALLIANCES DEFEAT
BLAMED
US MILITARY INTERVENTIONS
COLLAPSE OF GLOBAL FINANCIAL MARKETS
IMPOSITION ON US ECONOMY
HEAVY MILITARY AROUND THE WORLD
HEAVY COSTS ON U.S. ECONOMY
CAN'T TOLERATE BUDGETARY DEFICIT
MARKETS HERE IN THE UNITED STATES

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That article scared the crap out of me. I don't care if you're a Republican, Democrat, Independent, whatever you classify yourself as, this article was enough to put the crap BACK into my pants and to begin looking for something, anything that can improve things.

Here's what I don't understand, and this is why you'll never ever see an actual R or D after my name; Democrats are "the ones" that are supposed to be into making the Government bigger, bailing out the ones (COMPANIES) that have failed at the expense of all the hard working dedicated US citizens. Yet you have a REPUBLICAN President saying and doing the very thing.

So if a Democratic President were in office and he did the exact same thing, every Dedicated Republican would be screaming FOUL!

I guess I am what you would call a POST-Partisan (AS READ IN READERS DIGEST). A true Independent that have little interest in either major party and just wants solutions, not bickering, out of Washington. I don't look at whether or not you have an R or D after your name, rather I look at the person themselves. I look at their character, I watch and read and research information on both the R and the D. I base my beliefs in the NOW with what matches closest to the one running. But I won't try to persuade someone else to follow my beliefs. That would be like asking a Christian to follow along with the Jewish faith and Bar Mitzvah their sons. You just don't do that.

Maybe it's because I am in an interfaith marriage, maybe it's because I have three children and am 33 years old. If you had asked me 10 years ago what I believed in, it would be different then what I believe now as far as politics go. Does that make me hypocritical for my change? Or just honest? I admire all of you that can, from day one, stick with the same solid thought process and belief regardless if it will impact yourself and your family in a positive or negative manner.

I recognize that not everyone can sit and swing back and forth when it involves the political playground, and I again, respect that. You won't see me judging you if you believe that Abortion is legal and I don't. You won't see me judging you if you believe guns are okay, and I don't.

Just like a preference in religion, music (WATERFALLS!!), and whether you eat meat or veggies, politics to me is a personal choice. It puts an awful taste in my mouth when people make politics personal-like some guys like to do when the football team that they're rooting for fails to complete the pass-all of a sudden it's "their team."

EH?

I know that comparing meat and veggies and musical tap dances to politics is a weak ass example. I mean, what good is meat, music, and veggies when it involves whether or not your parents business will fail, whether you'll lose your home, whether a woman will have the personal choice to decide what to do with her body, whether your son or daughter will come home from a war, whether there will be drilling of oil offshore. But it's My beliefs and shame on anyone that tries to persuade me out of a personal attack.

I vote based on the issues that matter most to me. My neighbors that are senior citizen's very well are voting on the issues that pertain to them. Why is it that we have certain folks getting all huffy and puffy I'll blow your house down, if you express your disdain for Palin or Biden?

My views and thoughts ten years ago are not the same as they are now. My hopes are to have change and because I occupy the United States as a citizen, I deserve the right to be able to say who I want, without individuals taking it personal.

Why is that anyways?

No, there hasn't been anyone "attacking" me and my beliefs, it's just a post I wanted to chat about.

Plus I'm pissed that my town just raised our city sales tax to 8.25% without exploring any other options because of the "deficit." Deficit my ass, perhaps they (The Mayor and all his pals) should reduce their salaries first.

IDIOTS!

Welcome To Crustybeef~
Never thought you'd see a poli-post from me, did you?

P.S. I laughed when I read the header in my yahoo home page:
"US President George W. Bush (L) makes remarks during a meeting with members of congress including the Presidential candidates Republican John McCain and Barack Obama (R) in the Cabinet Room at the White House in Washington, DC. Bush, hosting unprecedented economic crisis talks at the WHouse, said he hoped to reach an agreement "very shortly" with lawmakers on a rescue package."
Can you guess why?

A Life Passed/ A Life Given

At 4:52pm on Monday, my childhood friend had her second child-a boy that weighed 10lbs and 21.5 inches long-
Without
A
C-section!!! She's recovering happily with her husband and daughter and new son down in Missouri.

Also on Monday evening, another one of my childhood friends lost a family member to
Non Hodgkin's Lymphoma. The man was young enough to be a father to a 13 year old and an 18 year old. He was my friend's brother in law and I wish them peace and understanding.

A Life Born for my backyard friend.
A Life lost for my next door neighbor friend.
We all grew up together hanging out, playing war, playing Star Wars, Ghost in The Grave-yard, Hot Lava Tag, you name it, we enjoyed the playing until the street lights came on.

Interesting how both of my childhood pals had to experience pain on Monday, different forms, but still, it was pain.

Interesting that now my bucket issues seem more like a growth versus painful moments, considering that I've experienced pain with childbirth and pain with family loss-although never this close to home as my dear friend has to experience right now.

Bitter.
Sweet.
Cuddly.
Cold.

Life ends.
Life Begins.

Welcome To Crustybeef~
My mother in law arrives for a visit tomorrow morning until Monday.
Hope everyone else is having a good world!

KUNG FOO FREAK OUT

This past Saturday morning around oh-wait lets go back
So the other day-wait, lets go back a few weeks..
So a few weeks ago I decided-wait, one more week back so that would be, hmmm, four weeks and some change of days at this point.
Let's just make things easier being that it's Monday morning and everyone has Fog on the brain that roughly four weeks ago, just about the time that my mother in law and Grandma in law returned to Florida, I made some changes.

The changes I made began on a Friday morning after chatting and examining with my primary Doctor. His name rhymes with LipiTone. I had made any appointment because I was beyond frustrated with my constant issues in the loo. No matter what I would eat guaranteed I'd need to seek refuge within the bathroom for some serious sweat producing tummy cramping oh my I feel like I'm going to faint poop. This "loo issue" has been going on for quite some time now. Perhaps it was after my Gallbladder was taken out, we just don't know. But after my mother in law made a very keen observation that I just seemed constantly anxious and wired-above and beyond my normal zippy self-I decided with some gentle urges of her that things had to change.

I made an appointment with my doctor to discuss the issues that I was having in the bathroom-yet again-because it was getting worse. The issues with the loo began to stimulate (HA! perfect word in this situation) anxiety that worked his way into my life pretty much with everything that I was doing, or considering doing. Here's an example, I'd work myself up so much that even when I had a hair appointment that you would think would be relaxing I would end up having a pretty annoying beginning to an anxiety attack while sitting there under the dryer because I was afraid that I may have one of those poop episodes. It happened again on a field trip with my son, Jackson. While sitting on the bus to return home, on the hot hot bus, I had yet another anxiety attack but this time it wasn't caused by the loo issues. The anxiety attacks just started coming up at no given time for no reason but they began to show up without warning..

That sucked some serious loo ass (I'm seeing a theme here). What started as what I think was anxiety created from the loo factor (this also occurred while I was in Arizona) turned into just a revolving door of attacks. If I was out in the public and didn't know anyone around me I was generally able to walk someplace and relax and the attack wasn't as dreadful versus when I was around people that I knew IE: jack's classmates, his teacher, fellow parents, friends, family, well besides Brian, he's the only one that I felt comfortable with in dealing with this issue because he didn't give me a hard time about it, in fact he expressed concern over the loo and anxiety factor.

So the attacks became more frequent as did the visits to the bathroom regardless of what I had in my system. What started out as a conversation with my mother in law over mental health turned into an appointment with my primary doctor who's name rhymes with LipITONE.

Flashing forward my Doctor who's name rhymes with LipITONE sent me on my way after a very lengthy consultation with a few prescriptions. I told him that I'd prefer not to have to deal with a colonoscopy as of yet mainly because of the preparation of it and I just didn't have the energy to handle another anxiety attack over something that I was intentionally stimulating for the loo issues.

PASS on that!
So what we are attempting to do is determine if this is problem is caused by the removal of my gallbladder because no matter what I would eat guaranteed I'd have to visit the loo within 20minutes-dairy, grease, bread, pasta, anything! See why I was over it at this point? I mean this has been going on for months now. I'd have these issues occasionally on and off throughout the years but it was usually after something high in fat.

Meanwhile there I am with my prescriptions: Wellbutrin, and some nasty powder that I must mix and drink prior to every meal called Cholestyramine. ( at the risk of waking up the boys I'd rather have the medication here mispelled versus heading upstairs to rummage through my medicine cabinet because naturally I'd probably drop a perscription bottle or two) Oh and he did write me a prescription for Clonazepam (Which is a long lasting Xanax or Valium) but that is more of an as needed basis and I'm saving those for when I fly with the boys with Ben sitting on my lap for three straight hours at the end of this month to Florida. Don't worry I have tried it out just to make sure it won't cause any issues and I determined that I am only able to manage a half of the pill and maybe even less then that.

Having the prescriptions and a possible agent to help me with the bathroom drama was a start but I knew that I had to make some changes on my own. So I gave up caffeine, entirely. Not one sip at all, not pop-soda, coffee-nada nada Lemonada. I drink decaf in the morning and that's it. The remainder of the day I'll either nurse water or milk, or some type of juice water.

I took it a step further and removed myself from any sweeteners that I was using with my constant coffee intake hoping that it would make a difference somewhat.

Another step further and for the past three plus weeks I have been exercising.
HOLY MOLEY I'm exercising! Now can I just tell you that I haven't exercised since I stopped competing with dance back at the age of 20 or earlier-basically a long time mind you.

Every morning I wake up at about 5am and walk/jog/sprint/run/walk for at least 2.8 miles, then I return home and do a few stretching exercises out near my fence and start my day off with an actual breakfast meal. I alternate my breakfast of health champions with whole grain cereal, a whole grain English muffin with natural peanut butter, or scrambled egg whites with zilch for salt and a sprinkle of fat free cheese-which isn't so bad when mixed with eggs. After my breakfast I head to the family room to do a few arm exercises with the 3lb weights that I were given on mothers day by my husband. Every other day I mix that in with sit ups and as much as I hate doing them especially because by now all the boys are up and Ben adores diving onto my belly as I sit crunch sit crunch, I have to admit I feel better.

I thought not having caffeine would be rough and yes I did experience headaches, but that was before I began walking every morning. In beginning my 2.8 to sometimes 3.5 mile daily early sunrise walk I've discovered that the headaches have disappeared and I have more energy then I did with all the oodles of caffeine I use to down during the morning day hours with coke in between. Sure by 9pm I am ready to pass out, but I am managing more then I thought I could.

I had thought that giving up caffeine for just me and not because I am pregnant would be a dreadful mess, but it wasn't as bad as I thought once I began my daily Monday thru Friday and every other Saturday musical walk. For those that have been over to my home lets just say the distance that I have walked daily has put me near my parents home and Grandma's home and beyond.

I have my means of communication my cell phone and my big ole bottle of mace and pepper spray attached to my bad self. BDD knows my routes that I take daily and if for some reason there's a change I will text him immediately with my new route-just in case. The morning hours at 5:ooam prove to be peaceful and comfortable and with the sky beginning her day I almost feel as though I am one with nature and with everyone still sleeping I get her all to myself. I'll walk past my old High school, an elementary school, an area that used to host a perfect mom and pop pharmacy that was taken over by some dumb ass wireless cell phone store because CVS took all the business away from this mom and pop shop..naturally the wireless cell phone store after only being in business less then a year has closed. HA! But, not my point. Sorry.

So this past Saturday found me on my route around 5:30am a bit later then usual because it was the weekend and I didn't have to rush with BDD needing to leave and catch his early am train. I'm making my peace once again with nature as I do gracefully every morning, listening to my workout tunes that carry melodies from Madonna, Britney Spears, Janet Jackson, Timbaland, and an assortment of mixes from the soundtrack Blade, not to mention a lot of music that I used to enjoy back in the early to late 90's. Music that I can walk too. Oh yes, and I must not forget Nelly Furtado and Missy Elliot.

There I am walking down a street that has strictly homes that were still under dreams spell when suddenly I hear this crazy loud crackling and snapping and for a minutesecond I though my ipod thing was jacked up and was white noising and scrambling my music, but within the next second a huge BANG and more popping that startled me straight out of my walk zone. I grabbed my mace and with a HIIIIIIYAAAAAAA I jumped up and turned around as if I was attempting to recreate a move from Bruce Lee with an airborne kick, and with my twisting around to face the issue of the loud explosion, I stick out my mace prepared to spray the noise directly in it's face.
That's when I saw the sparks flying from the top of the pole heading straight for the road and lil old moi. It was then that I realized that a transponder or whatever the electrical boxes are called, had blown up....

I laughed my ass off the entire way home recreating the visual of my meager attempt at KARATE CHOP! So you can see that this exercising has done wonders for my mental health. Even though I haven't lost a shed of a pound, I feel better, I am less anxious then I have ever been, my loo issues are there but I don't have the anxiety from it anymore and thankfully the issues are not as frequent and I have time to gather my inner most thoughts every morning at sunrise as I groove along to my music which makes the start of the day when the kiddos wake up far better then it's been in a long time.


Welcome To Crustybeef~
Don't remind me about winter yet, please for I do plan on doing this morning routine until my knees give out or the weather shifts to the winter months. But for now I am choosing to focus solely on the present, not worrying about the future and only being concerned with taking care of my little guys and husband and everything else comes next.

I am being selfish for the first time ever in my life and as my mother in law says, "it's about time."

Oh yes and BTW, I figured a long ass post was overdue being that I have neglected this area of my life as of late. With school ending for Jackson tomorrow I have been consumed with spending as much time with my little ones as possible, and during nap hours I'm either folding clothes which I still haven't master the art of taking them from the basket and placing them into the drawers, or chatting via IM, or emailing-plus I started to delve more into the process of the children's books.

How are you doing?

Reflective Glimmers

Playing Ring Around the Rosie with your two younger ones.
Both of them in their own special way, begging, to "do it ageeen, do it ageeen..."
Giggling and falling earlier then "THEY ALL FALL DOWN!"

Watching my oldest son, Jackson, dance to some songs that I had placed on a IPOD that my sister in law had given us back over the holidays.

"what songs do you have on your IPOD Crusty?"

"I'll give you guys one name,..."

"Gimmie More" by Britney Spears, the poor girl doesn't NEED anymore, what she needs is some time away-I can relate.

Like I was saying, watching Jackson jam to my CB tunes, as he becomes more concerned by the minute, sitting near me, while I lay in the dentist chair (SAUNTERING FRANK!!)squirming in pain due to the recent gum surgery I had about two weeks ago, all so he could "install" my crown.
"VRrrrrrrrrrroooooooom, NOW I feel like a Mercury CROWN VICK!"

Bigdogg picking up the extra stubs from the statements that I am paying, that needed to be "recycled," and shredding them, saving me some time.

Having your sons follow you around the room because they just wanted to be near you..
AWESOME!!!

Having Bigdogg not complain when I "added a few more things" to our Superbowl menu from this past Sunday!
It's great to be loved!
I-l-y-I-L-Y-M-2-i-a-b-GOOGLE PLEX!!

Oh, and Scavenger hunts are fun too! Even if it's only to find one item!

Welcome To Crustybeef~
Another Snow Storm coming through as we speak. They're calling for MONSTER SNOW!!! GRrrrrrrrrrr! The worst is supposed to occur overnight and into the morning, Wednesday morning.
Have I mentioned that I am dreadfully OVER Winter already?

Reflections are good, aren't they?............

Tushie Research

The toilet paper that I purchased at Costco the other day, the ones that have the extra aloe added to them...
yeah, those kind.
uh-huh! Those!


They smell like a white freshly painted bathroom.
They being the toilet paper.
How do I know this?
Because I enjoy smelling things, to make sure it "smells clean."
I bet I could get a buzz off of inhaling the paper.

"Xcuse me kids, mommie needs to go uh, wipe her bum.."


I went out and bought the smallest size I could find, a 6pack, to test the scent and see if it was a wierd fluke from a Costco purchase. I had to have answers before I called Charmin looking for a coupon for a replacement.

Bigdogg just laughed with me, and shook his head.

The toilet paper still smells like white paint-the aloe charmin kind.

Welcome To Crustybeef~
Talk about "freshly painted."
Goodnight.

Invisible Change

I've written before that I am not afraid to change things when it comes to my hair.

I've had short.
I've had long.



I've had black hair-jet black, blond hair, red hair.



I've even accidentally had spotted yellow brown bad-move-on-my-part-trying-to-highlight-my -own-hair, hair.



When I was a younger girl, at one time I wanted a perm, and I got a perm, and BOYDIDIREGRETTHATPERM!!


Change with my hair is good.
Obvious change is good.




But what if you have to vote for change, change that will impact the visible memories of generations for the rest of their lives?

I'm talking about a school referendum vote.
This vote will change the entire way a middle school does their "business."

• Presently the current school isn't energy efficient.



• Only 4 students actually live within walking distance, the majority of the students that attend this middle school, live in the southwest portion of our district-a nice comfortable more time for mom bus ride to and from school each and everyday, in a town with another name, as a matter of fact.-



• The current school is over 80 years old and is in need of significant repairs main focus of repair is it's mechanical systems



• The current middle school isn't handicapped accessible. So, if my cousin's daughter is injured in gym class, in order to get her by wheelchair to the nurses office, they will have to go outside first (WE HAD BLIZZARD LIKE CONDITIONS HERE LAST NIGHT, the WIND REMINDED ME OF WHEN WE HAD TWO BACK TO BACK HURRICANES IN FLORIDA-not much snow stuck, thankfully-GIVE ME FLORIDA SOON, please!!)



• The amount of money it costs this school to heat (the middle school) costs just as much to heat our two high schools, and they're double the square footage.



• The water and gas lines near the science lab classrooms work at about the same pace as a 'burn out' does (NOTE TO READERS: I'm not selling out Burnouts) would do his/her homework...very inconsistently.

The vote is to build a new, better middle school with all the bells and whistles, closer to the majority of the students, although that isn't as accurate as the superintendent that I spoke with yesterday on the phone claims, however overall it does make it easier on the students. Plus, the building will be handicap accessible for not only students, but parents, and visitors too.

The building will host the smart high performance sustainable "GREEN" Design; Daylight harvesting, energy recovery, bioswales, and water efficiency landscaping, with HIGH EFFICIENCY HVAC. There will be more space, provide an environmental teaching station that may possibly have a "green roof." This school will be LEED certified (Leadership In Energy and Environmental Design). New computers, equipment, enough electrical outlets and obvious space. Therefore eliminating the "dead end hallways" that the current middle school has.

Basically it all sounds good. After all, change is good thing. However, change or perspective is also based on how things are described. Change is based on so many things, such as history, redevelopment, and of course the big one, how well we, the ones involved or most impacted by the change, how we allow it to affect us.

The new 'proposed' site, has had some controversy though. Because it sits near a BP plant. Parents are concerned about the LUST factor. 'Lust' being, Leaking underground storage tanks that will contaminate the water and soil supply. Records indicate that BP has a history of responding to and dealing with the "lusts," in a timely fashion required under their regulatory requirement standards. Records also indicate that any or all current issues are being controlled and actively managed.

Parents were concerned about contaminated soil from run off waste. For the past 2 years, the EPA has done many tests to determine if the "proposed" site is in good condition. Only one soil boring area was recommended to have the eight foot removal, although first of all, it's not even close to the site of the potential school, they did make sure to inform us that the removal of the soil wasn't based on environmental issues, but more so because of geotechnical concerns.

The concern about the nearly 6 million pounds of hazardous chemical emissions from the Bp Campus over ten years is a big concern. But rest assured they have informed us that the hazardous chemical emissions from this plant are fairly similar to those that come from gasoline vapors. In the year 2005 they only totaled about 2300 pounds. So then what about those volatile organic compounds, or VOC's? No big deal they say, as there is no difference between the magnitude of toxic chemical emissions at this 178 acre campus (where only 33% of the 1600 employees work in research, and only a third of that 33% actually deal directly with chemicals) versus the type of emissions found at a gas station.

Sure, but I don't spend five days out of the week sitting in a gas station, now do I?

All of this has some serious high quality substance, and rest assured this district, political infrastructure, and everyone else tied to this, has done quite a bit of research. You'll laugh and ask me why all this fuss, or missionlength post, when I tell you that this change won't even impact my own sons. We have a junior high/middle school just down the street, so my sons won't be those bused to the toxic waste area. They'll attend school down the street.

BUT!! I care about change, this change does matter to me and not because of the six scientists that have rare forms of cancer:

Certain groups against the move did their research and invited a former retired what was once Amoco, employee to the school board meeting. This employee has a lawsuit pending against BP in which he contends that a benign brain tumor was brought on by hazardous chemicals in his workplace. "It just makes no logical sense to put children across the street from a petrochemical facility, " one of the parents of that group stated. But, studies have shown that it would cost $45 million to renovate versus $35 million to build a new school, not including the cost of the land.

In 1999, researchers had conducted a three-year study of the cancer cluster at this research plant, and concluded that not just one, but six cases of brain cancer were most likely work-related. Yet the scientists were never able to identify the source. The six employees all worked in the same building, during the same period, in the late 1970s and early '80s. "Five of the six men worked on the third floor, which has since been closed, but the remainder of the building is open and the BP campus still employs about 1,000 people," says a BP spokesperson.

The families of the six employees have sued, and their cases have been settled. One attorney that represented his deceased scientist father, said that his father died of glioma, the rare, malignant brain tumor ironically common to all six workers. Scary stuff! But, then again, this was around 28+ years ago, I'm sure things have changed.

How many times throughout this post have have you changed your perspective? Forget for a second about the property tax change, the obvious, but how much of your own "WHAT I WOULD DO," has been swayed based on words here?

For me, it's so much more on top of all of this. For me, the change will mean destroying history that isn't or won't ever be classified as a land mark. But it has family history!! My dad, his parents, their parents...so much history within the walls of what is now a middle school, and what was at one time a high school. Remember that high school that closed my junior year and converted to a middle school? Yes, that one.

For me, I feel guilty voting for the new proposed enhanced site. Maybe all the green environmentally friendly school will offset any negatives that may come up from the plant campus situated near by. Heaven help the school, if an explosion ever occurs over there. But, a plane could crash into the present middle school so why sit and worry about what could happen?

I feel guilty voting for the change because I feel like I'm going against my fathers side of the family-all their memories. The history, theirs and my own, my memories, my first locker, the dead end hallways where I remember catching a smooch(or two) from a boyfriend that lasted all but a week, even though it still counted, after all, it was high school.

The auditorium where my grandma would do her cheers up on stage, because at one time it was the gym. My Grandpa and his wonderful success in baseball which later led to a Cubs chat as he was a great pitcher... he went to war instead. So much history, so many memories, that I emotionally feel as if I will be turning my back on it, if I mark YES for the new change on SUPER DUPER TUESDAY, February 5th.

I go back and forth. Because obviously the change will mean the destruction of the present site. It will improve the flood zones that have done so much damage to many homes near the old bricks.

But my memories!! I am lucky, I have the memories stored in my head, I can close my eyes and picture the drivers Ed classrooms, where if you wore a skirt on driving day, he'd give you an A. The smells of the hallways, the classrooms, all of that in my mind still. So the struggle for me on top of all the facts that have been listed here that I go back and forth with is that can I deal with holding onto just the memories in my head for the rest of my life? Obviously my vote won't make the big impact, but I can't have that perspective either, if I did, then I'd most likely never vote for anything.

So basically what I think is that change is all on how you make it. For the rest of my life I could be bitter about destruction, or I can cherish the fact that my memory is still ripe enough to recall the relationships I built within those brick walls, and not base it necessarily on the structure of the bricks, but the quality of growth that I discovered within my own self, from walking the hallways of what most likely will be a demolished structure. I will glance at a lake in the future where my HS once stood. A winding cobblestone old town field road, with mini boutiques and quite possibly a hotel, but I will have the image in my head. Just like I have the image of my grandparents although they are no longer here.

Just bricks, and bricks don't make the memories..they're just backgrounds.

So, if you made it THIS FAR, then you'll be rewarded, with, pictures of my many different styles of hair. (there's always a strange link, isn't there?) Pictures of many different occasions in my life. The one with the straw hat was a road trip driving to a campsite where my friends and I rafted, camped and drank beer for three (or two, now I can't remember) days..The dealership that I worked for back then, had allowed me to switch my demo coupe silver SEBRING with a Purple Plymouth Voyager. I knew then, that one day, I'd be driving a mommovile..

Enjoy the many different colors of Crustybeef...

Yes, as you know, I have been known to climb into things, and make funny gestures..I'm crusty, give me a break! As long as you know there are so much more to me, then you're welcome to laugh along with us here! My two best friends had made me this scrapbook as a gift after I had Sullivan!! They knew I needed a laugh, it was a toughtime then with my hormones.

Welcome TO Crustybeef~
Thanks for making it this far with me.