Monday, June 02, 2008


This past Saturday morning around oh-wait lets go back
So the other day-wait, lets go back a few weeks..
So a few weeks ago I decided-wait, one more week back so that would be, hmmm, four weeks and some change of days at this point.
Let's just make things easier being that it's Monday morning and everyone has Fog on the brain that roughly four weeks ago, just about the time that my mother in law and Grandma in law returned to Florida, I made some changes.

The changes I made began on a Friday morning after chatting and examining with my primary Doctor. His name rhymes with LipiTone. I had made any appointment because I was beyond frustrated with my constant issues in the loo. No matter what I would eat guaranteed I'd need to seek refuge within the bathroom for some serious sweat producing tummy cramping oh my I feel like I'm going to faint poop. This "loo issue" has been going on for quite some time now. Perhaps it was after my Gallbladder was taken out, we just don't know. But after my mother in law made a very keen observation that I just seemed constantly anxious and wired-above and beyond my normal zippy self-I decided with some gentle urges of her that things had to change.

I made an appointment with my doctor to discuss the issues that I was having in the bathroom-yet again-because it was getting worse. The issues with the loo began to stimulate (HA! perfect word in this situation) anxiety that worked his way into my life pretty much with everything that I was doing, or considering doing. Here's an example, I'd work myself up so much that even when I had a hair appointment that you would think would be relaxing I would end up having a pretty annoying beginning to an anxiety attack while sitting there under the dryer because I was afraid that I may have one of those poop episodes. It happened again on a field trip with my son, Jackson. While sitting on the bus to return home, on the hot hot bus, I had yet another anxiety attack but this time it wasn't caused by the loo issues. The anxiety attacks just started coming up at no given time for no reason but they began to show up without warning..

That sucked some serious loo ass (I'm seeing a theme here). What started as what I think was anxiety created from the loo factor (this also occurred while I was in Arizona) turned into just a revolving door of attacks. If I was out in the public and didn't know anyone around me I was generally able to walk someplace and relax and the attack wasn't as dreadful versus when I was around people that I knew IE: jack's classmates, his teacher, fellow parents, friends, family, well besides Brian, he's the only one that I felt comfortable with in dealing with this issue because he didn't give me a hard time about it, in fact he expressed concern over the loo and anxiety factor.

So the attacks became more frequent as did the visits to the bathroom regardless of what I had in my system. What started out as a conversation with my mother in law over mental health turned into an appointment with my primary doctor who's name rhymes with LipITONE.

Flashing forward my Doctor who's name rhymes with LipITONE sent me on my way after a very lengthy consultation with a few prescriptions. I told him that I'd prefer not to have to deal with a colonoscopy as of yet mainly because of the preparation of it and I just didn't have the energy to handle another anxiety attack over something that I was intentionally stimulating for the loo issues.

PASS on that!
So what we are attempting to do is determine if this is problem is caused by the removal of my gallbladder because no matter what I would eat guaranteed I'd have to visit the loo within 20minutes-dairy, grease, bread, pasta, anything! See why I was over it at this point? I mean this has been going on for months now. I'd have these issues occasionally on and off throughout the years but it was usually after something high in fat.

Meanwhile there I am with my prescriptions: Wellbutrin, and some nasty powder that I must mix and drink prior to every meal called Cholestyramine. ( at the risk of waking up the boys I'd rather have the medication here mispelled versus heading upstairs to rummage through my medicine cabinet because naturally I'd probably drop a perscription bottle or two) Oh and he did write me a prescription for Clonazepam (Which is a long lasting Xanax or Valium) but that is more of an as needed basis and I'm saving those for when I fly with the boys with Ben sitting on my lap for three straight hours at the end of this month to Florida. Don't worry I have tried it out just to make sure it won't cause any issues and I determined that I am only able to manage a half of the pill and maybe even less then that.

Having the prescriptions and a possible agent to help me with the bathroom drama was a start but I knew that I had to make some changes on my own. So I gave up caffeine, entirely. Not one sip at all, not pop-soda, coffee-nada nada Lemonada. I drink decaf in the morning and that's it. The remainder of the day I'll either nurse water or milk, or some type of juice water.

I took it a step further and removed myself from any sweeteners that I was using with my constant coffee intake hoping that it would make a difference somewhat.

Another step further and for the past three plus weeks I have been exercising.
HOLY MOLEY I'm exercising! Now can I just tell you that I haven't exercised since I stopped competing with dance back at the age of 20 or earlier-basically a long time mind you.

Every morning I wake up at about 5am and walk/jog/sprint/run/walk for at least 2.8 miles, then I return home and do a few stretching exercises out near my fence and start my day off with an actual breakfast meal. I alternate my breakfast of health champions with whole grain cereal, a whole grain English muffin with natural peanut butter, or scrambled egg whites with zilch for salt and a sprinkle of fat free cheese-which isn't so bad when mixed with eggs. After my breakfast I head to the family room to do a few arm exercises with the 3lb weights that I were given on mothers day by my husband. Every other day I mix that in with sit ups and as much as I hate doing them especially because by now all the boys are up and Ben adores diving onto my belly as I sit crunch sit crunch, I have to admit I feel better.

I thought not having caffeine would be rough and yes I did experience headaches, but that was before I began walking every morning. In beginning my 2.8 to sometimes 3.5 mile daily early sunrise walk I've discovered that the headaches have disappeared and I have more energy then I did with all the oodles of caffeine I use to down during the morning day hours with coke in between. Sure by 9pm I am ready to pass out, but I am managing more then I thought I could.

I had thought that giving up caffeine for just me and not because I am pregnant would be a dreadful mess, but it wasn't as bad as I thought once I began my daily Monday thru Friday and every other Saturday musical walk. For those that have been over to my home lets just say the distance that I have walked daily has put me near my parents home and Grandma's home and beyond.

I have my means of communication my cell phone and my big ole bottle of mace and pepper spray attached to my bad self. BDD knows my routes that I take daily and if for some reason there's a change I will text him immediately with my new route-just in case. The morning hours at 5:ooam prove to be peaceful and comfortable and with the sky beginning her day I almost feel as though I am one with nature and with everyone still sleeping I get her all to myself. I'll walk past my old High school, an elementary school, an area that used to host a perfect mom and pop pharmacy that was taken over by some dumb ass wireless cell phone store because CVS took all the business away from this mom and pop shop..naturally the wireless cell phone store after only being in business less then a year has closed. HA! But, not my point. Sorry.

So this past Saturday found me on my route around 5:30am a bit later then usual because it was the weekend and I didn't have to rush with BDD needing to leave and catch his early am train. I'm making my peace once again with nature as I do gracefully every morning, listening to my workout tunes that carry melodies from Madonna, Britney Spears, Janet Jackson, Timbaland, and an assortment of mixes from the soundtrack Blade, not to mention a lot of music that I used to enjoy back in the early to late 90's. Music that I can walk too. Oh yes, and I must not forget Nelly Furtado and Missy Elliot.

There I am walking down a street that has strictly homes that were still under dreams spell when suddenly I hear this crazy loud crackling and snapping and for a minutesecond I though my ipod thing was jacked up and was white noising and scrambling my music, but within the next second a huge BANG and more popping that startled me straight out of my walk zone. I grabbed my mace and with a HIIIIIIYAAAAAAA I jumped up and turned around as if I was attempting to recreate a move from Bruce Lee with an airborne kick, and with my twisting around to face the issue of the loud explosion, I stick out my mace prepared to spray the noise directly in it's face.
That's when I saw the sparks flying from the top of the pole heading straight for the road and lil old moi. It was then that I realized that a transponder or whatever the electrical boxes are called, had blown up....

I laughed my ass off the entire way home recreating the visual of my meager attempt at KARATE CHOP! So you can see that this exercising has done wonders for my mental health. Even though I haven't lost a shed of a pound, I feel better, I am less anxious then I have ever been, my loo issues are there but I don't have the anxiety from it anymore and thankfully the issues are not as frequent and I have time to gather my inner most thoughts every morning at sunrise as I groove along to my music which makes the start of the day when the kiddos wake up far better then it's been in a long time.

Welcome To Crustybeef~
Don't remind me about winter yet, please for I do plan on doing this morning routine until my knees give out or the weather shifts to the winter months. But for now I am choosing to focus solely on the present, not worrying about the future and only being concerned with taking care of my little guys and husband and everything else comes next.

I am being selfish for the first time ever in my life and as my mother in law says, "it's about time."

Oh yes and BTW, I figured a long ass post was overdue being that I have neglected this area of my life as of late. With school ending for Jackson tomorrow I have been consumed with spending as much time with my little ones as possible, and during nap hours I'm either folding clothes which I still haven't master the art of taking them from the basket and placing them into the drawers, or chatting via IM, or emailing-plus I started to delve more into the process of the children's books.

How are you doing?


fiwa said...

wOw! I am so freakin' proud of you! Pat yourself on the back sista' - that is impressive work and really inspiring. I was going to commiserate and say I could see how being on the bus with no escape if you needed it could cause a panic attack - but you don't need commiseration - you've kicked the problem to the curb!

You have yourself a fabulous week.
lovins -

Anonymous said...

You are amazing! Keep up the great work.

Kelly Jene said...

Look at you! I'm so happy for you that you've taken such control of your life. I never realized our loo problems were so similar. Mine too started after my gall bladder came out, is compounded by stress or anxiety, happens no matter what I eat. Wow. Well, maybe if I get insurance I can get some meds to help. Otherwise, the no caffeine/sweetener and exercise thing seems pretty do-able.

I'm so glad you've found some relief!! I know what a hell it is.

As for your karate chop, I sooo wish there was a picture! :) At least you know you're always prepared.

Love to you!!


FIWA: EXACTLY! THat was exactly how I was feeling when I was on the damn hot nonrunning bus with all these little boys and girls..the only thing that caused me from not getting up and running screaming off the bus (and believe me I painted that picture in my mind) was that I'd have no way home, and I'd never be able to face the moms of the kindergarten class ever again..they already know I'm hectic, don't need anymore reason for them to cackle. :) Now, if only it would shed pounds, but beggers can't be choosers I guess. :)

Happy Monday!


Chasing Fireflies; Hmm, the time is off on my comment post by two hours..odd..anyways you're sweet for the comment but I am not good at compliments and will have to disagree with you completely. I'm an anal overly freakishly organized hectic impatient mom that occasionally has fantasies of a one bedroom condo by a stream where I can hear the babbling of that brooke and a job working in a book store with the scents of coffee wafting through it.. :) So awesome, you're darling, but I am far from it. HOWEVER, I am gracious and respectful so therefore I must thank you very much for that lovely although nondeserving comment!

My boys are asking about the fireflies =I'll just direct them to you. :)



Kelly J: YEA! You're back, I can't wait to hear about Cannon Beach! I'll be over later on to catch up with everyone!! Your words sound refreshed. As far as the loo issues, my sweet cousin offered me some advice on this issue...and I must ask you this question: when you were pregnant, did the symptoms disappear? My cousin triggered a few memories of this issue and it was then in her email that I remembered that I had these issues even with my gallbladder-although not as frequent..-I used to chalk it up to too much partying, too much coffee and cigarettes and too much late nights..but since it's still around...hmmm...She (my cousin) made sense when she said the term: IBS..
But oddly enough it did disappear when I was pregnant..sad that I'd rather be constipated then with loosey goosies. :)
anyhooooooooo to stop while I'm ahead, welcome back!! If you were close by I'd call you my sister and stick you on our plan. :)
HAve a great week and I'll chat with you soon!!

WARMLY hugs and all the good stuff,

Portia said...

Wow, those are some major changes! Good for you!! I'm SO glad you are feeling more at peace. Walking does do wonders for anxiety (for me too, that is) but there's always the matter of working it into the schedule. It's awesome that you have such a supportive husband and family. You most definitely deserve your YOU time. Despite all the joys that come with having your family depend on you, it is easy to get burnt out. I hope you are able to get to the bottom of the loo issue too, in time, but it's awesome to hear you sounding so great right NOW:) Enjoy your time with the little ones!

window watcher said...

Maybe sometime I'll get in the groove you've got going....but not when I'm getting up at 3 am for work....
Loved your shot at our old "pharmacy" in the hood.

Diane Vogel Ferri said...

That's a lot of decisions and discipline _ I think it will all make a big difference for you one way or another - good for you!

Rapid Cycle Gal said...

Congratulations on your exercise and no caffeine routine! I think I may (gasp) have to do the same. The multiple cups of coffee and diet sodas aren't helping me stay awake much anymore. I hope the new meds help with your "loo" issues. Anxiety attacks are NO FUN. Take good care!

Cheryl said...

I wrote you a long comment last night, but Blogger took it away.

I'm so proud of your exercising. I'm going to be thinking about you when I wake up. I used to be quite the walker. It really is a good anxiety-ridder. You must feel so much better.

I'll write again soon, but just wanted to stop by to say hi. Wish I could be your walking buddy. Are you fast?

austere said...

"its about time"

Very good crusty, about the initiative.

I'm proud of you.

Golden To Silver Val said...

Walking is just SO GOOD for you. I wish I could still do it but with a bad knee and crabby hip...its nearly impossible now. I have a touch of IBS myself and after my colonoscopy showed everything was ok, the dr. told me to take 2 Metamusil capsules every morning. I couldn't believe how much it helped me. Now I take them only every once in a while. p.s. I found that milk irritated the condition. I hope you continue to feel better and better. Big hugs.

Kelly Jene said...

The problems did disappear when I was pregnant (though I wasn't pregnant for long). Constipation is a sign of pregnancy as your intestines slow down. That was a nice respite. I would definitely rather be constipated then not!! I had the gall-bladder taken out in 2003 and I had NEVER had any of these issues before then.

Gypsy said...

Well done Elizabeth and I'm glad in some respects you feel better. Hopefully you can get completely on top of the loo issues and panic attacks soon.

I haven't done any exercise or walking for nearly 3 months because of my ongoing MS issues and I've noticed a HUGE difference in my general sense of well being especially emotionally. Hopefully I can get back to it soon.