Thursday, February 05, 2009

Consider This A Mental Meme

There are people out there right now in this world somehow connected to each of us, that are experiencing pain in things that we haven't ever had to go through.

What would you say to someone that lost their job if you have never experienced a layoff or being fired yourself?

What would you say to someone that lost their parents, too young to experience the birth of their grandchildren, especially when your parents are so healthy and strong?

What would you say to a mother that has experienced the birth of her first child with a memory of holding her in her arms for only a few minutes until the darling little one is called home?

What would you say to that same mother that is pregnant again, having serious troubles, not sure if everything will be alright and having flashbacks from the last time this happened. Her tears now permanent patterns in the starchy hospital pillow, hooked up to IVs and dealing with blood transfusions, or perhaps medication to cease preterm labor? She can't do anything but lay there, flat on a convertible hospital bed meant for delivering healthy babies, praying to G-d, "please don't let this happen again?"

What would you say to parents that aren't sure of their skills, or how to overcome their complete exhaustion and still continue to bring home fresh bacon? Would you tell them to convert to Judaism, as they're not supposed to eat bacon.

What would you do when you witness your close friend's fiance belittle him in front of everybody?

What would you do when you look into the mirror and see your now face in future form, worn out written wrinkles and eyelids painted with dark yellow circles?

What would you do when you realize that the face staring back at you isn't your future elderly look but in fact your face now, only worn out from emotional trauma that hasn't aged your face well.

What would you do when you can't seem to connect with your teenage child. When they continue to test you beyond limits not imagined, and all you want to do is for them to follow the rules.

What would you do when you dream of something constantly that you know you won't have. Does it concern you that it may be an obsession? How do you fix that?

How do you answer questions you don't like hearing? Do you answer them or dismiss them completely? And why?

How can you help without being too involved. How can you tell someone you're there for them, and do just that without being a know it all or pushy bossy person?

How do you deal with someone that gives you such tremendous help, only you know it will be expected in return, or perhaps thrown back into your face later on, in a not so much subtle manner?

How can you love a sibling or friend when they constantly keep making the same mistakes twice? When they view themselves as owed, not ever their fault, always every one's fault, but not your own, at least that's what I've been told.

How do you show people that view their glass half empty that really it's more then half full, so full that they're lucky to have such a nice glass after all?

How do you pick up a relationship so broken at least 6 years ago? Only you didn't break it, nor did the other. No, not from the two that hold the rope on each end, but broken from the person that started it all, the umbilical cord carrier, someone with scissors so sharp that they purposely cut that rope to severe any hopes of a normal family life.

How long do you go without asking; "just what did I do wrong to deserve the way you've treat me, this has gone on for too long and it's hurt me more then you may know . Please I don't want this to continue, tell me what I did wrong if I did, so we can fix it and move on."

How do you show the ones that you love that the way that you were is something not part of you now. Rather it's just a Chapter many pages flipped back that hasn't been mentioned or acted upon in Chapters you may be reading from 20-the end?

Do you say I'm there for you and that's all?
Or do you suggest that they ask their doc for a prescription 500Mg's written for an anti-anxiety medication?

Why is it that I have to ask so many questions?

Seems a lot to carry with you, doesn't it? Or is that just how you learn?


The Window Watcher said...

Good usual.
The questions are hard and I guess it would depend on how close the person was to me as to how I'd react.

happyone said...

Your post sure does make one think.
Sometimes there just are no words to say to someone. Just being there to listen and give hugs or pray is all you can do.

Kathy said...

Active listening is powerful -- the most powerful reaction there is.
I could not stand by, however, and watch anyone belittled. I'd have to excuse myself after saying just that.

Brad said...

I try and remember that I can not change another person. I can only change the way I interact/react to them.

Anonymous said...

Good thing your ? works :0)

Anonymous said...

Life and relationships of any kind are very complicated aren't they? I wonder if we ever really learn everything we need to know to get through it all. I fear we don't. I hope all is well in your world Elizabeth.

Anonymous said...

OOooohhh kiddo,
You are one of the kindest, most loving, most compassionate people I have ever known. My prayer for you is that you always get back all the love you give!
Love, AD

Anonymous said...

Very interesting how people perceive these questions. I hope all is well in Crustyland!


Window: Well, you're the master of quizzes arent you? answer them! :)

Happy: a great point!

Kathy: would you say anything to the person that belittles?

Brad: That's exactly what my BDD says!!! So true

anon: I KNOW!!! I'm so happy she's back!!! ???????

Angel: THings are "okay" here. how about you? we had a sneak peek of spring today--38degrees! WOW! :)

anon: Thank you very much and thank you for a lovely and well needed visit the other day..I'm lucky to have the family that I do..each one is absolutely special and unique and fill me up like glaze over a complicated puzzle.

anon: True. It's hard to depict tone in any virtual works well though..but it's a thoughtful perspective to place yourself especially if you've never been there..I wonder how we'd react, you know?


Cheryl said...

I hope those questions about what to do don't all pertain to you. It's too much. If it is, it's time for changes. You end things, you begin new things. You simplify. You speak your mind. The real stuff stays, the rest goes away. You deal with the fallout. You come out stronger.

Dear Liza said...

I would say you do it just the way you do everything else...

Beautifully. Seriously girl, you have the gift.

Can I help?

Hugs, really.

austere said...

Just be there.

Beyond that, this is life.

Wish there were something I could do.

Susan's Snippets said...

CB -

The belittling is your friend's painful as it is to watch...HE has to stand up for himself..all the telling her what you think about her won't help him - HE is the one with the issue - that issue would quite possibly be that he doesn't feel worthy of having a relationship with somebody better.

dont fretter

Diane Vogel Ferri said...

ah, all the human questions that there are no right or wrong answers to - but great food for thought and also in gratitude.

Portia said...

get away. probably to jamaica. definitely somewhere warm. for at least a week.


Anonymous said...

I love these questions. Thank you.