Sunday, July 29, 2007

Classical Case of Dysfunction

I want to be 100% honest here, but my family reads my blog-and I'd hate to ever speak ill will of anyone. But I am really annoyed right now. So screw it, I guess I'll type and post away, and worst case, delete it later on.

All I want to know is one thing:

Something that means so much to someone even though it's not yourfavorite interests should be embraced, right?

Well, you'd think it'd be the case....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Music.
Concert.
History.
Memories.

A speaking part to introduce the song.
A brief history of the song.
She's not used to getting up in front of people.
She's shy.
There are times she feels alone even amongst her own family.

A speaking part to introduce a song.
Played by numerous alumni from her hometown.
History.
Something that she wants to do.
Something that she claims she's not good at.

Speaking in front of people.
Lights dimmed.
Auditorium somewhat full.
Family members sending her willful silent messages of confidence.

Heart beating.
She approaches the podium.
Her voice begins with a brief note of unease.

Then, she blossoms.
She becomes confident.

She did it!
She did a lovely job.
Such confidence.

Not her normal walk of life.
She lives in a shadow of her beloved.
She walks his walk.
She listens to his talk.
She waits and waits and waits.
She always waits for him.

Her day.
Her day to shine.
Her day to have the spotlight.
She needs it.
She needs it so much.

Intermission.
She approaches her audience.
She approaches her audience, her family,
She holds such a smile that it could suspend hearts.

So proud of herself.
She deserves it.
Hugs are welcoming her.
Kind words are extended from her young brood and her Fathers twin brother.

Intermission over.
More introductions.
More Music.
More music lead by a floating conductor.

A conductor that moved the music along with his wand.
Controlling the sounds.
Controlling the dance that music makes when instruments are put together.

She approaches the microphone.
This time without notes.
Her eyes shining.
She was so proud of herself.
Her voice was confident and full of passion.

She thought of her own parents as the words flowed from her lips
Flowed without a second thought.
The lump appears.
The lump that appears before tears was heard in her voice.
The lump that helps you swallow back the tears from your honest eyes
Down in her throat.

The lump.
I heard it.
It was in her voice.
For the song that was to be played next was her old HS "fight song."
A song that means alot to her and her entire family.
Due to History.
Due to Memories.

Meaningful.

Concert is over.
Floating Conductor approaches her.
Her and her proud and gleaming soul.
Gingerly hugs her a "thank-you-for-everything-goodbye."

Two eyes from the audience are cast down on her.
The one that she waits for.
The one that she shadows.

Was not proud.
Was silent.
Did not offer words of good will.

Silent.
Stealing her thunder.
Knocking down her moment to shine.
Taking her trophy of confidence and shattering it with his now frigid eyes.

Not Fair.
Not Fair to her.
Not Fair to everyone around her.
Those that encircle her.
We too see the agitation in her everythings eyes?

Uncomfortable.
Silent.
Aloof.
Mad??

All because of a hug?
A bid of good well wishings from an outsider.

My heart is crying now.
I can't tell him my thoughts.
That would be dishonorable.
That would be disrespectful.

But doesn't he see?
Where's his type of honor?
Where's his type of respect?

All because of a hug?

The day is now ruined.

My soul aches as the tears are suspended in my eyes.
Unable to fall for the one that did so well.
I Cannot show.
Show that it's obvious.
The behavior of him.

He doesn't know we see.
Or does he?
The hidden icicles freezing over his generous eyes.

Yet tomorrow after her tears have now dried
Dried tiny little hurts on her pillow,
She'll begin the shadowing just as usual
as the sun will rise.
As she waits and waits and waits....................

The torn.
I know he is good.
I know he is generous.
I know he is kind.
But he hurts her by his silence.

And my silence hurts me.

Welcome To Crustybeef~

Why G-d Why?

15 comments:

abbagirl74 said...

mmmm, honey. you are in my thoughts.

Cheryl said...

Oh, bravo for the way you expressed the raw emotions here. I felt so badly for her. I've been in her place, and she doesn't deserve the treatment she got by one who's opinion means too much to her.

captain corky said...

That's really sad and very well written. Why do loved ones treat each other like that? It makes no sense...

CRUSTYBEEF said...

abba-
Thanks so much..keep her in your thoughts please! She's so close to being broken. :(

Cheryl-
It's a tough thing, family-isn't it? But I'm just the daughter what do I do..luckily I'm good at comforting when the time requires it to do so. I liked what you said about raw emotions-that's so very true!! :)

Captain Corky-
Thank you. I figured if I did it in a poem format so to speak, it wouldn't come off as so harsh.
What are YOU doing up at 5am? hahah,..oh yeah, you have a newborn.

Thank you all for the thoughts.
Happy Monday!
Always,
Crusty~

KYRIE said...

Oh dear, that is so sad.
But the way you wrote it is very beautiful.
I hope she is feeling better right now.
Anyway, I am new to ur blog. I always see ur name in the comments section, so I thought I will drop by and say hi today!

CRUSTYBEEF said...

WELCOME KYRIE!!
I've "Seen" you around as well, and am so glad that you stopped over here to say hi.
Feel free to come by here anytime.
I look forward to catching up with your own special stories!
Always,
Crusty~

tex said...

Powerful...talk of it over ciderharp?

CRUSTYBEEF said...

Tex:
Definitely!
Still friday, right?
Don't you just love dysfunction?
Always,
Crusty~

Anonymous said...

Beautifully written. So sad it makes me cry. Poor person. It truly is so awful for her!!!!!!!!!!!!!
But you're right. We can always help at the right time. You're a wonderfully empathetic person/daughter!!! Were all very lucky to have A Lot Lot crust in our lives!!!!Ha Ha
Yours Forever, Heidi

CRUSTYBEEF said...

anonHEIDI,
kudo's on the comments! I LOVE THEM!! Nice on the lot lot crust.
as far as the story goes, it is sad but as you well know, odds are it will never change. I'm very lucky to have you! the strong BLOND one in my life as well!
Love you forever,
Crusty~

Anonymous said...

It is the nature of the beast.

Men can be crazily jealous even after 500 years of marriage. As this lady's older brother, I know how I can be regarding my own wife and how she can "be", too. Some things that have been a certain way for a long time aren't going to change.

The good has to be cherished and the bad, well, this why we call it life, right?

I'm glad Nance had her moments in the limelight. If anyone deserved those bright lights, she's the person.

UD

Portia said...

i LOVE it when you write like this. very powerful story, glad to gather from the comments that it wasn't you:)
very brave post. thank you for sharing!

CRUSTYBEEF said...

UD-
yes, I'm glad she did too-it's just ashame that just because we're "older" means that we can't improve ourselves?
Glad to see you lurking over here, I've missed your comments.

Portia-
THank YOU!!! It was a bit painful to see. But lucky for all of us, this person, as much as she thinks she's weak, she isn't-she's (I THINK) one of the strongest people I've ever known.)

Always,
Crusty~

austere said...

This is beautifully written. And this lady is lucky to have you in her life.

CRUSTYBEEF said...

austere, thank you so much for saying that. The trick though, is for her to realize it..we all love her so much,..but we can't give her what she wants because she wants it from the one that she loves so much, that she'll wait..

Always,
Crusty~