True Blue Story

Once upon a time there lived a family of 5.

A mom, a dad and their three sons, no this isn't about me nor my life.

The family was a content family, the mom remained home with her sons, but always had a yearning for a little pink bundle of joy. The husband worked hard and provided very well for his family, he had a great job that brought in quite a bit of money.

So, they ventured onto number 4 saying that "this is it, absolutely no more."

Within 9months they had their fourth child, a beautiful healthy newborn little boy.

So that makes four sons, one husband and one wife all in one.

When son number 4 was just about 3 or was it 2 maybe 4 I can't recall, mom and dad started talking again about pink (and this is where I may screw up the story line or so I may think, it's just that my heart is racing at the thought of four boys, knowing quite well that this would be me, without the part of money falling out of the trees). They decided, okay, one more time. 9months later their fifth child was born, another baby blue came into the world while blowing his horn.

That now makes 5 boys, a husband and a wife that loves pink, good gravy my heart is beginning to palpitate!

Two years go by and the family has grown, they've witnessed developments on all five of their sons, the youngest turning two and how fun it all is. The mom could handle it and financially so could the dad. Then,...they thought, well, why not, just one more time since we're getting older, just try for that girl. We can afford it, and that is true, the dad was a very high paying executive for some big corporate company, the name I won't mention because this is in fact a true story.

The family lives somewhere out here, in the state of Illinois.

They talked and they talked about the age of dear mom, at 38 years old she's at much more risk then the norm. Especially after already having five healthy babies all on their own,they knew that with each pregnancy it adds more stress on a woman's body, and this doesn't even include the stress on your body that is already there pre-babies depending on how well you take care of it. Lucky for mom she had always taken care of herself, even before babies, eating well and caring for her physical self.

The parents talked long and hard about having one more child, another chance at a pink smiling daughter. They had concerns due to the mom's age,as I mentioned in the paragraph above, but they did not want to use artificial ways when they've had success "doing it" on their own. They figured they'd save the artificial means for families that truly need those options, if that makes any sense at all. They said that they'd go at it the traditional way, with sessions of passion in baby making ways. If a baby were to happen out of this practice then so be it, as they wanted some pink in their lives, but if nothing happened within 6months of trying, the chapter of having a possible pink, well, they'd close it and bind it and put it away.

This dear family, God Bless every ones soul, were blessed by God with conception of course. He must have known that they'd be able to handle it, because as you know, you're never given anything that you can't handle.

The 18week check up came about, or maybe it was earlier due to the age of dear mom, but the time, regardless of weeks for that I can't remember, came for the ultrasound and also to see the gender...

Mom, dad in the room, dear mom knees bent, legs up on that exam table, a paper lined cover draped over her lowers. The gel was applied to her fast growing belly, the anxious looks of anticipation and love were quite obvious. They had a feeling that it was a girl because dear moms pregnancy this time had been so absolutely different.

They found out that they were having triplets.

Triplet boys for that matter.

WOW that's alot of freakin ducklings!

God gives us what we can handle for reasons we never know, some are lucky to recognize later on the positives of those reasons, some never do, but regardless, this dear family went from 5 boys to 8, and they couldn't be happier, 8 boys, a dad and a mom with excitement for their busy life with boys.

Lucky for them, again, that they were able to manage as they are in a position of strong financial security regardless of any impending recession back when this all happened.

Welcome To Crustybeef~
This story was told to me by my sister, and I know I screwed some parts up, but not about the fact that they did have triplets, they had all boys, they didn't use any IVF, and the family was in a good financial position. Parts of it were added for emotional movement, like the mention I had on our favorite man up in the heavens.

*I've been away, and not because I want to, I am just trying so very hard to enjoy the last few weeks with my boys before school. Don't leave me yet as when school starts I'll be down to two in the afternoons and only one in the mornings, I will have more time, plus the weather will eventually begin to decline thereby leaving us stuck in our home. There is much more to chat about but I don't want to overwhelm you at this point. And I have some posts coming up as to again travel with children as well as suggestions for inexpensive birthday parties for kids, because that's how my mind works, it's always running. Oh, and another post about a house we recently looked at, but decided not to purchase because of many reasons but not because it was down the street from my mom and dads home.

Picture Story Books

STORY 1:




Peaceful and lit waiting for the eve of the Christmas that will begin in just 24 hours from the time the bright flashing bulbs engulfed the village from up above....




The dew Drops remain a constant glitter as the Christmas Magic begins to slowly take place. Now 24 hours until Christmas Eve....





I spy the white chocolate Covered Pretzels harvested by the Farmer as his daughter walks their pup near the home of the globe eagerly waiting for the special magic that only Christmas time brings...



The love birds gaze into each others eyes, no need for mistletoe, just silence as they communicate by the passion seen from Gods gift of sight...

Twinkling lights from the stores that remain open are not on their minds, now on the eve before Christmas eve, diversity doesn't matter to them, only their love matters. Nothing else but love matters to them, and they're able to forget about all the material possessions this world tries to ingest upon them, as they both pucker up equally, balanced as always, their relationship founded and navigated on their magic, and they prepared to lean in for that passionate kiss.




The bright lights from above them shine down, and remind them that they are connected within this magical universe, that they were led to one another by powers stronger then the constant flashing of bulbs thatseem to keep flashing and flickering above their quiet gazebo...

The walk towards spirituality this wise couple you can see, hands clasped and anxious to feel the magic from within the chapel. They have on their special Holiday wear, ready to begin their own traditions him and her. From the gospel and truth that they will soon be hearing, the ringing of the bells being played up in the front of the church from the handbell choir, the organ is tuning and they are anxious to be seated in their normal spot at their favorite spot within the church, like habit, they sit in their pew, waiting to hear what their Pastor will share with them, the meaning of Christmas, and they anticipate their own growing faith, adding more within their Soul each and every day.

The conversations between a young girl and her grandpa, the "old salt" he calls himself, and she shakes her head 'no,' looking up towards him with her innocent youthful spirit, her earnest eyes filled with so many questions, but not tonight, for instead of seeking all the answers from her wise Grandpa, instead of taking the love he gives to her unconditionally, she gives to him instead.

She gingerly turns her head, and looking up to him with her big blue eyes, she expresses, "no, you're my grandpa, and here, on this night, it is my turn to give, and I would like you to have my share of these chestnuts. "

She lifts the heavy torn bag of chestnuts excited to share a special moment with her "old salt.."

The one with the answers and wonderful stories gazes down at his special grandchild, and with a salute and a nod of his head, he adjusts the pipe in his mouth and exclaims, "I would be delighted and honored to have your share, if you'll allow me to share my share that was yours with you and the hungry critters behind you.."

The children enjoying the snowfall, climbing up their nature blessed hill, gleefully prepare to zoom down towards their little town that rests quietly below. The little blond haired girl worries, as she sees someone being a bit too reckless for their own good, and yelling out over the thrills of the other ones, she screams, "WATCH OUT FOR THE COBBLESTONE ROAD BELOW!!"

The athletic and daring little skier not hearing the cries from the girl up on their nature made hill, glides softly down her ski slope, daring the sky as well as her ski's to carry her straight onto the cobblestone road. Not worrying about falls, or scrapes, she knows that she'll get right back up. She won't let a little pavement stand in her way as she grasps her world by her ski poles and challenges nature to challenge her more, growing in spirit, she fearlessly enjoys the magical rush towards their little resting town below..

3 Birds fly to reach a quenching quiet spot. Sharing water ,no matter that they sing different tunes, or that they show different colors, they reach this quiet spot together. They gather in unison and drink from the same, each fortunate for a sip and a spot to rest their wings for the night, as they plan to glide up towards the dew drop tree and sing their eve songs for the magic that waits this special quiet little town...

Those tiny 3 look off at the lights, knowing that behind those brick walls, all is good, and they may be given one more night to carry on with their special song...



The reminder of what Christmas is all about, seen etched into the world of their tiny little village.

This is the End of this story here.

(remember my Christmas Villages, well, I finally got around to posting pictures of them that I had taken a day before Christmas eve!!)

Storybook 2:

My eyes are so excited for tomorrow morning, I will rise early to see what Santa has brought me, but not before I test Santa's good or bad list one last time on Christmas eve, by climbing on my Mommy's footrest instead of doing what she asks. But mommy doesn't mind, she captures my youth and my mischievous eyes, as she bends the rules because after all, it IS Christmas Eve. Soon I will be tucked in my bed, tossing and turning, not able to sleep, so my mommy that silly girl, allows me to get my energy out, even though I know I shouldn't be standing on her furniture...

The day is finally here, and I look around for any extra reminders that Santa may have left behind besides his very messy white size double my daddy's feet white shoe prints left from the fireplace up to the Christmas Tree. I take a moment and slow my 3 year old body down, and peacefully as Christmas Day starts to unfold after the presents are opened, I enjoy a quiet moment to myself, to gaze out at this mystical world that holds many unopened gifts for me that I don't even know yet exist....

That is the two page story of Sullivan.

STORY 3:

SPATULA MEETS 18months of 13hour Energy...

"Hmmm, I've never had this before, I think I will see how well it tastes. Mommy says its the spatula from her sugar Christmas cookies that she makes with her yummy orange juice frosting, but this is just the batter and it's my first time, so I need to take things slow..."

"HEY, how'd that get there? I could get used to this taste!!..."

"I see, if I use my fingers and swipe that cream colored smooth edge, I can get even more for my palate."

"You know what? I'll do it the right way, old school, forget my fingers, I shall just lick lick lick it away...mmmmmmmmm, I want more, MORE, MORE!!!...

"EH? NO!!!!!! Mommy says it's time to take away that smooth colored wonder, why? I just got started? Please more?...." "Mommy shook her head no, she's taking it away...."

"Oh I AM Sooooo mad! Look at the side of my face near my temple, When I am practicing for the terrible twos my temple crunches up because I am ready to let the floodgates open!! Life isn't fair!!"

"Oh my, I'm crushed, I want that sweetness, and she wiped it away with that wet square she uses after I always fill my belly..Please, just one more taste, I am your baby, it's Christmas, won't you please bend the rules!!"

"SHE BENT THE RULES! I think I still have some tears near my eyes..ahhhhhhh, the taste of victory..I know she won't let me get away with my toddler tantrums but she bent the rules this one time!!"

"I am never letting go of this Spatula, it is me, and I am it, We are home and my tongue has witnessed wonderland to the taste of my mommy's delicious baking!! I could get use to this!!"

"Okay, it's been two days since that Spatula day, and I am feeling much better, a bit of a Cookie batter Hangover that lingered until Christmas day, but here it is the day after Christmas, My Saba and Safta surprised us and flew in, and my general 13 hour busy work day with my peaceful disposition is back. I've tucked away my terrible two's until a later date, after all, I'm 18+ months, shy of 2 until July 17Th, I'll wait to play those toddler cards, until a later date..."

The END...

Story 4:

The Anticipation and Departure of the Beloved Sea Monkeys:

"Hi, I am the JACK ATTACK, and I am doing my Sea Monkey dance, for you because I was given Sea Monkey's from Santa and I can't wait to watch them hatch and grow. It's quite a process and my mom was the first one to exclaim that when she read their 19page owners manual. You see, you have to clean out and sterilize the container, and then after bringing the bottled or tap water to a certain heated degree, you are to put the water into the container, making sure the container or tank sits for at least 24 hours. But that's not before you add the purifier to the water and stir it slowly for at least 30seconds. Mommy and I will follow those directions that were provided with the package and box to the tee. We plan on starting this process the week the day that I return to school, in the morning. So I have to wait almost two weeks, but that's alright, because I'm Ninja JACK!"

"Guess what, it's Monday the day that I return to school. Mommy thought it would be interesting to take a picture of it and when I asked her why, she told me because she never knew that growing or hatching sea monkeys were such a process. There's even a website to visit: http://www.seamonkeys.com/. I can purchase diamond rocks to help them make their children and I can buy them special treats and my mom said I'll be able to use my commission that I am going to start earning for doing 100% of selected jobs. I'll have a biweekly performance review to see how I'm doing, and based on the jobs that I completed, and how well, and often, I will receive my commission. Mommy and Daddy may even include a bonus based on my review. I can't wait to start the monkeys..The water is about ready to be filled and all I have to do is wait until tuesday to watch these special brine fish grow. They'll hatch out of their powdered packet, and will be the size of the period at the end of this sentence..."

"It's Tuesday, I've added packet number 2 and it was really hard to see the eggs hatching, but I did see little specks float up to the surface of the container that will now be their home. Mom said the directions state that they, my pet Sea Monkeys need to be placed in a window that faces either North or South, but my bedroom windows faces west, so mom said we'll find a heat lamp that the directions suggested work well. I don't have to feed them until two days from now, and tomorrow, wednesday, I will get to give them their' irrigation shower' by blowing bubbles into their water home by the special blue bulb that came with my kit. Mom laughed real hard when she pulled out the blue bulb, I don't know why though..."

"It's now wednesday evening and I sat there and watched Mom blow the bubbles into the tank, I was nervous that I would hurt my Sea Monkey babies as they are oh so tiny, so I asked mommy to please do the irrigation blowing because the directions say that it helps them grow twice their size super duper fast, and it also says to do it carefully, so mommy is going to do it for me..."

Unfortunately the Sea Monkeys were met by the grasp of the 13hour worker. A babe compared to his two older brothers, but big enough to be able to stretch his hand up on the table and reach for items that if grasped would break the heart of a 6 year old boy. SPLASH! Down on the kitchen floor splays the water with the Sea Monkey babies not long after they were given their "growth serum of bubblations." Sobs and heart break from dear Jackson, exclaiming, "are the babies dead? Are they dead? Mommy, look, can you pick them up? Now their gone! Ben ruined my sea monkey's home. He grabbed the container and spilled it all over the floor of the kitchen."

His sobs shuddered against his body as his tears rolled down off his face onto the nook of his mommy's embrace. His heart so big, so sensitive, he feels so much that this little mishap affected him so. Promises to replace don't work well with this soul. He feels so much, and is so aware and kind, he so looked forward to this new venture, that it just crushed him. Feeble sugestions to order more packet number 2 eggs didn't help. He wanted his Sea Monkeys back, his babies that he patiently waited for are now gone.

The story ends here with warm special gifts, today is now Thursday a day after the Sea Monkeys moved to another place. As Jackson sat rocking in the very chair that I once rocked his little infant body, he leapt out of the glider and bounded over to me.
"here mommy, I have a gift for you, I know it's not your birthday until tomorrow, but look, LOOK WHAT I DID ALL BY MYSELF!!"

"I LOVE MY MOOMEY!"

As you can see, he wrote that he loves me, he loves his mom, his beloved Moomey!
I can't begin to tell you how much I wanted to cry when he handed me his special gift. For those of you that are parents, I'm sure you'll understand. The gift that my son gave me just goes to show that although he may be more sensitive than others, for he is a lot like me, he also heals quickly, and is so willing to show those that he loves all his special gifts. For me to see this one day shy of 33 brought intense moving joy, another reminder about the joys that I have with my young 6 year old.

My three boys, equally are gifts and no matter what I've been given in materialistic form, nothing can replace the words written by my 6 year old that has written on his own, for no reason, his I love you's. They've given me such joy, I'm so confident to say, that without a doubt I know, going into 33 will be a wonderful year indeed.

THE END TO THAT STORY

#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*

THE beginning of 33!
A special thank you to my dear friend Diane, over at 'Co-EXIST' for sending me a wonderful enchanting gift that also made my day, today!Thank you Diane, you brought a smile to my face, your words mean a lot, you are a valuable person, an engaging writer, and I'm glad to have you as a friend!!

If you get a chance, go out and pick up her book, FLYING OVER MIDNIGHT! It is a remarkable story about a woman that evolves with the changes of life. I started the book last saturday and could NOT put it down, I closed it Saturday night, and WOW what a book!! Highly suggested! You will not be sorry!

Welcome To Crustybeef~
I'm out of stories for the night, Greys Anatomy is over and I bid you goodnight. I'll chat with you all later!!

Nappie Hour

***

Yesterday, during my much cherished Kiddie-O-O-O nappie hour(s?), I sat at the kitchen table and sorted through my list of menu's that I had taken down from my "paper drawer." I then sat down and browsed the sales items that started today at our local Jewel and Dominick's grocery store, and made a list of items that were necessary for the Crusty house.

After I finished the menu sorting to prepare for the upcoming Superbowl(WINGS!!!), I put away all the menu's back in their "paper drawer," picked up a few items that were growing on our countertop, (SeaMonkey care guide, a read along Spider man book and this fascinating children's book called STRANGER IN THE WOODS) and proceeded down to our lower level to straighten up our family room and play area. Content, mind you, that the countertops in the kitchen were free of any clutter. No papers, no books, no grocery lists,(as those were magnetized to the fridge) everything put away, or rather, put in it's place. The counters wiped with cleaning spray to give off the finishing touches, the contentment similar to what you'd see when a baker joins the final piece -a wedding topper- to a perfectly layered wedding cake.

I began my cherished nappie hour (or hours) with the necessary clean up in our family room, with music filling the room from off in the distance, compliments from my playlist on this blog.

After the lower level was upgraded to reach my satisfaction, I headed to the main level to sit down with my phone, in my "zen room," to make a much needed thank you telephone call.

My Grandma (We also call her Nana, or Grandma the Legend, or just Gma-she is Bigdogg's Grandma) had sent me a beautiful card for my birthday, as a matter of fact, not only do we share the same month of days of birth, but week as well,for hers is today, the 9th!

She expressed the excitement for her granddaughters wedding coming up in March, and also her sadness that we won't be there for a longer time than we already have arranged. You see, we decided with the five of us, it'd be much easier to drive down, take our time, and stop on the way home, to visit some friends, plus we've had to crunch our time with the fact that Jackson is in school. Yes, it's kindergarten, but to me, it's important to be in attendance as much as possible, as you guys all know by now. This trip to Florida in March, will be time away, but truly not a 'real vacation' as it will be filled with the following:

Leaving on a weekday we need to arrive to my mother in laws by Friday, so we will have one night to catch up on any drivers sleep or charlie horse cramps that may occur due to driving. Saturday will find us in our vehicle again, driving about an hour south to enjoy the beauty of my sister in laws rehearsal dinner down near the shore of the east coast of Florida. An overnight at a hotel down in Bal Harbour, and Sunday -early!!- will begin with the necessary preparations for this rather exciting and exquisite wedding which will be an all white wedding (meaning all guests are to wear white and the Bride will be wearing a different colored gown), that will take place later on that afternoon near the tranquility pool in the lawn, with the sand and her sister, the surf, gazing out on us from just beyond the many Palm Fronds.

It will be a very busy weekend!! Not much relaxation, but there's always time for that later.

Another overnight stay at the same spot after her reception ends, and we will open our eyes to Monday morning, with hopes for their future, and wishes for our own bed back in Chicago.

We'll return to our car for another drive, about an hour back north to spend a day back at my mil's home to relax from the frenetic fun that weddings bring.

Tuesday will find us blowing kisses to our Southern family, and another ride in our mommovile, a drive further north, about 4hours roughly, to stay with our good friends in a town near Tarpon Springs, Florida. There we will relax, swim, and take all the children to Busch Gardens or Disney depending on time. Catching up with friends that we miss dearly since moving back to Chicago.

Our two older boys will enjoy their two children, their son, born about 6months after Jackson, and the other, their beautiful redheaded daughter, born a year and a half before Sullivan.

Time will fly by, and soon we will be back in our car to make the casual drive home.
So basically, Jackson will miss about 6days of school. Too long, if you ask me, but what can we do. We had made the decision to drive to save us from the schlepping that can only happen when you fly with three children.

No need to take out their car seats and boosters and carry them through the airport. No need to carry all our luggage, our white only wedding wear, not to mention grasping our little ones hands, and our lovely double wide stroller. No need to trek to find the location of our rental car, more time and missions if you ask me. Remember, I flew with all three solo, it's busy and hair pulling. Driving as much as it will take longer, will be easier. Children not crying around other passengers due to the descent of pain in their ears upon landing.

We can stop at Cracker Barrels for lunch.
When our children get antsy they only annoy us.

We can go at our own pace somewhat and have a level of control over our arrival.

Everything makes more sense to drive.

With the exception of available time.

Which brings me to the point of this circling detail Charlie Brown's teacher wahhhhhwwwwAAAHhhhhhwaaaaa story. Apparently my southern family is "a smidgen" upset that we can't stay longer then what we have already arranged.

We'd love to stay longer.

We miss them all so much!
But Bigdogg's company needs him there, and I need my son in school. We're just not comfortable having all that time away, besides, it will be hard to relax as the atmosphere will be quite boisterous due to the wonderful wedding within days of even an earlier arrival then what we have planned.

My Grandma told me that she was talking to my mother in law, her daughter, and my mother in law told her that we are only staying from Friday to Monday-Tuesday at the latest. That we are planning on leaving to head north to visit our friends that we haven't seen since 2005.

They have asked us to consider instead of leaving on a Wednesday, to leave over the weekend previous because whats 3 or 4 extra days?

It's only kindergarten after all.

If Bigdogg uses up all his time, no big deal, he can manage for the rest of the year.

But what if we have other things planned for the rest of the year? Like Trips? Or, mini vacations?

But what if we prefer to keep extra time available from his place of business for over the holidays? So that he can be home with his 3 sons and wife?

If we leave at the time they're requesting, that's a lot of time away from the office, as well as time away from home and for Jackson, time away from school.

But than again, it's only kindergarten right?

Now, don't get me wrong, I completely understand their purpose. You see, our Poppy, our Grandpa, our boys Great Grandpa will be 86 in February. He has such life in him, but he's getting tired. He can play cards everyday, golf like a master, but that doesn't help him win the battle over the kidney dialysis machine he visits 4x a week. He loves our boys. He lives and breathes for our three.

He has told us (I have said this before, I know) that his happiest times were when we were living down in Florida, to see the twinkles in his blue eyes when our boys hopped out of our car running towards him, trying to imitate his welcoming whistle.

Poppy's body is getting old. His spirit may not be, but when you're 86 years old, everyday is a special day. He wants to inhale our boys spirit and hold onto them as long as he can, and that is the reason they want us to come early, to give him more time with his great grandchildren, and have more time with us, of course.

As much as I'd love to make them happy, and you guys know me, I am the Queen of Pleasing, it just seems like a lot of time. We're coming in for my sister in laws wonderful wedding, and whereas we wish we had more time to visit, this time, it's not about that. It's about the wedding.

It's frustrating because I want to make them happy, but I have to think of our own family first. I have to think about that time that Bigdogg would miss by being in Florida. That's a business, a career, a firm, a job for you, and it just doesn't seem wise to me, regardless of what level you may be at to be gone for that long.

You just can't.

It's not to say that I can't return with the boys later on after school is out in May, but that is a lot to ask, and I know they mean well, so I apologize for saying this in advance, but I feel as though I'm being guilted into making a decision....or maybe it's just a bigger picture, about how sometimes I feel like my opinions don't matter. I am just "the mom" after all. I feel as though my convictions, my feelings on education, or how to raise a family don't hold stock if it's something that someone else wants..

I can't stand to think about when the time comes for Poppy to 'go to the better place," and as Bigdogg says, "what can we do? It's part of life, and no matter how many visits we have, no matter how many times we stay there, no matter for how long we'll stay, there will always be that, 'if only we had more time with everyone' thought process." Especially when it's time for Poppy to say farewell.

The thought of it crushes me. Part of my odd reasoning believes that if we do go early, than it will give everyone their fix, so that "just in case," we won't be left with that burden of guilt.

But I also think that it's important to stay with our original plan, although that will only mean that people end up either hurt or disappointed.

You guys know I hate that! I hate being the one to disappoint. I'd rather be left sitting there weeping in a corner somewhere versus being the cause of it and watching someone else weep.

So I have some decisions to make, or correction, Bigdogg and I have some decisions to make in regards to our upcoming trip. I try to think of how "I'd be" at that time in my life. When someday I am in my 80's. I can only hope that I will live to be at least 86, and see and have a great relationship with my 3 FEMALE great grandchildren, but what would I do in that situation? How would I feel if my grandson and his wife live out of state and I can't get there due to my frail frustrating body? How would I be if my Grandson and his wife and their three children were coming down here to see everyone for my Granddaughters wedding and I'd only have 4 days of sharing them with the important events of my only granddaughters wedding? Would I ask that of them? To miss school and more time off from their careers? It's not selfish to wish for more time, it's wrong if it's done in manipulation, but all in all, that's what we all want, more time. More events. More holidays..more more more..I have some minor decisions to make in regards to this.

You can imagine my surprise when after the lovely and sad conversation with Grandma was over, and I retired back to the lower level to browse on my computer, when I saw what my horoscope said:

Before you get involved in any type of new arrangement or commitment today, get a clearer picture of what you are really getting yourself into. Take a long hard look at the people involved. Do you trust them? Do you like them? Can you learn from them? You cannot take other people's recommendations about what to do at face value. Everyone has a ulterior motive right now. They see things through their own filter and do not totally understand what is important to you.

Sure sure, Hogwash you say, horoscopes are just generalizations. Maybe, that's true for you, but here I am conflicted about pleasing people, feeling a tad manipulated from family (not from Grandma!) and then I read that in my daily home page update.

Today's?:

Perfection is simply not possible -- not for anyone. Keep chanting this to yourself when you feel like you're not doing a perfect job, and remind yourself that all is required of you is that you do your best. No more. You cannot hit a home run every time at bat, so why are you holding yourself to impossible standards? If you are down right now, that doesn't mean you have to stay down. Your successes are not based on luck -- they are based on your abilities. You are able.

Yes, another general one, but again with me, I like the creases in my pants to stay creased-perfected.
I like things to go smoothly, but I guess I have to focus on doing whats best for my nuclear family and hope that whatever I do won't leave us with "ifs" later on.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Moving on to the final (lets all hope!) paragraph of this lengthy post, I do have to say that something kookie occurred as well yesterday. Remember how I had cleaned off my counters, put all the papers away, sorted newspapers, coupons, etc? The counters were clear?
When I had walked into my kitchen after the horoscope reading from yesterday, there sat one lone piece of paper that I know without a doubt, wasn't there before. It was a receipt. Just sitting there looking at me as if saying, "heehee, I grew legs and I walked up on your clean counter just to annoy the waffle stompers out of you.."

Would you believe that when I looked at the receipt-it was dated January 11th 2007.

Birthday cards were one of the items on the receipt that were purchased.

Now, what the heck is my "Fallen Angel" trying to tell me now?

The items were purchased a year ago by Bigdogg. How it showed up on the 8Th of January on a clean counter is beyond me.

These harbingers happen to me all the time. Don't believe me? Ask my sisters, or Bigdogg!

Welcome To Crustybeef~
"Good day sir!" "I said, GOOD DAY!"

***pic courtesy of the New York Social Diaries*

This is one of the many beautiful views where my sister in law will say her vows someday in march.

Even More Magic

"Step away from the tree!"




Early morning temptations with the village people.






He really truly does give the best Sulli Snuggle Hugs,
naturally here it looks more like a choke hold.
If you ever have the pleasure of having a famous Sulli Snuggle hug,
it will leave you with warm and fuzzys, I guarantee it!










Lately he's been doing this "thing" where
he sticks his hand down the front of his pants,
who does he think he is, Al Bundy?





Benjamin and Sullivan dancing to Christmas Music
while Jackson is still sleeping, a few mornings ago around quarter of 8am.

TRALALALALAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA LALALALAAAAAAAAAAAA.........................

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

More magic will be added to the mix on our Christmas day, and this time it comes in the shape of a former Israeli Captain.

A silent and very intellectual man, he always greets you with a nod and a silently closed smile.
He'll ask about your future plans, your future goals and aspirations, and he can patiently paint color by numbers with his grandson for hours, not stopping except to only look up briefly and while nodding, say, "very very nice, Jackson."

A very hard working man, it isn't often you won't see him writing a FRESH IDEA down on his companies logo print pad. You'll see him punching in some digits or letters on his Crackberry while his wife, my mother in law, rolls her eyes and says, "Thaaaaaaaaaaaattt's MY HUSBAND," smiling all along.

Our ever aware firstborn even expressed his concern over his Saba's use of the laptop, back when he was only 3 or 4, "Safta, he is always on his 'puter, when is Saba going to stop typing on his puter?"

But when he laughs, oh, how my father in law laughs. His entire body shakes before the sounds leave his mouth, the corners of his eyes prepare themselves with his hidden laugh lines, and his eyes glimmer with laughter. And he will just laugh and laugh. His way is contagious and if you're in a bad mood, and you catch this refined man laughing, he will pull you in with his witty one liners, and ever so contagious giggles, you will finish laughing by wiping the tears away from your eyes.

So in only 3 days excluding today, the very spot that you see our three rocking below, will be not one, but now two, special packages in big red bows, compliments of a nearby Lexus Dealership down in Florida.

Definitely is a magical time.

Welcome To Crustybeef~
In the meantime, I have baking to do, and Pam to fight off!
My in laws will be arriving around 10:30am on Christmas day, and will be staying until Sunday evening.

Speaking of Pam, in case you've always wondered how I aid in fighting her off, I will let you in on a little secret. These magical wonders help ease the annoyance of Pam the Vacation Squashier. If you haven't picked them up yet, and she tends to give you issues, trust me, you will love these. There's only 3 in a pack, but they last for 8 hours!! And they make you feel all warm!!

And now, "WHERE'S THE BEEF?"

SNOWED IN

*These Photo's compliments of cbs2chicago.com*

If you need me, I'll be digging out after this:

http://cbs2chicago.com/local/snowstorm.snow.advisory.2.611585.html

When I'm finished digging myself out of this snowy mess, 9+ inches in some areas,

you'll find me out and about with my boys having some fun:

But not before I tell you that we had a really long night last night with Benjamin.

He woke up a minimum of three times last night. Each time crying and not returning to sleep for at least 30minutes or more. (Time always drags when it's the middle of the night and you have a little one that is crying and you cannot figure out why) Which means lots of switching snuggles from mom and dad. I don't know if it was because he's getting his little canine teefers in, or maybe he just felt like being up with all the snow fall blanking our snow yard once again, but both Bigdogg and I are ZONKED out of our Fruit cake.

As this is being typed smells of turkey bacon and scrambled eggs are coming from the kitchen, and sadly, all I can think about is climbing back into my bed to catch up on my zzzzzz's.

However, I am the type that once I'm up, I'm up, and I've never been much of a sleeper, even though today I am just sluggish and dragging. But we have things to do, sermons to listen to, places to shovel, hills to sled down on, and to finish it all up with a visit to see a very very real looking Santa at Yorktown Mall, in Lombard Illinois. Feel free to join us if you'd like. You'll find me near the tree house and Bigdogg near the train.

Finally, the awards of the day!
THE SLEEPER OF SUNDAY AWARDS GO TO,........

BENHAMEAN!

He catches flies just like his big brother and his mom!

JACKSON WINS TOO!!

And where is Sullivan in all this sleeping mix?
He's up, of course, and ready to start the day.

Just like his tired tired mommy.

Welcome to Crustybeef~
Have a great day!

How's that for a fabulous embrace?

All pictures taken today of the Crusty family.

Thank you for stopping by and have yourself a great day again!

Will Find The Time

Tomorrow around 11am, the boys and I will be picking up my mother in law and Gramma in law (NANA!!!) at the airport.

They're flying up from East Florida to hang out for a week over here in Crustyland.
To visit and catch up with their grandsons.**
To see how hectic it is here daily with the boys and I.
To catch up with Bigdogg and I.
**I'm blessed to have them so involved with my little ones lives.

So, we're getting ready for their arrival tomorrow:
-The bedsheets are being washed- for them.
- We're cleaning the house.
-Bigdogg was out earlier, cutting the lawn.
-Bigdogg, VROoom! off to the store!! (took Jackson and Sullivan with, too!!) to load up on food for them.

There's a lot of preparations when family comes to visit, don't you think?


So, they arrive tomorrow around 11am and will be leaving on Friday, late evening.

I will find the time to get over here and post, and wander around to my CHOICE Bloggers.
However inconsistent I may be, I will find the time.
I just didn't want you thinking that I had fallen off a crusted pier somewhere.
If I have to wake up at the arse crack of dawn to get a post in, so be it.
But, just a heads up, in case you guys are lurking around here.

Welcome To Crustybeef~
I will find the time, I have to-"this" is my saving grace.
Writing. Reading. Remembering.
When I don't get my blog time in, I'm a complete pain in the ass to deal with.
I will need quite a few smoke breaks.
Anyone wanna smoke and choke???

Passed On

"What I should have done was have you guys marching in and out of the house, single file...."

Marching.
Soldiers.
Dictatorship.
Control.

Family.
Discipline.
Emotional support.
Children.
Father.

Welcome To Crustybeef~
pained.
*This quote was passed onto me from a family member, the quote isn't exact, except for the part about having "his" children march around like soldiers.*
pained, definitely.
There is Acceptance- It's there indefinitely-it has to be- For someone that can't see change, or outside of their own truths, you can't have anything else but acceptance that an old dog can't possibly learn new tricks when they've been taught one way as a child themselves.
Painfully managed.

Classical Case of Dysfunction

I want to be 100% honest here, but my family reads my blog-and I'd hate to ever speak ill will of anyone. But I am really annoyed right now. So screw it, I guess I'll type and post away, and worst case, delete it later on.

All I want to know is one thing:

Something that means so much to someone even though it's not yourfavorite interests should be embraced, right?

Well, you'd think it'd be the case....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Music.
Concert.
History.
Memories.

A speaking part to introduce the song.
A brief history of the song.
She's not used to getting up in front of people.
She's shy.
There are times she feels alone even amongst her own family.

A speaking part to introduce a song.
Played by numerous alumni from her hometown.
History.
Something that she wants to do.
Something that she claims she's not good at.

Speaking in front of people.
Lights dimmed.
Auditorium somewhat full.
Family members sending her willful silent messages of confidence.

Heart beating.
She approaches the podium.
Her voice begins with a brief note of unease.

Then, she blossoms.
She becomes confident.

She did it!
She did a lovely job.
Such confidence.

Not her normal walk of life.
She lives in a shadow of her beloved.
She walks his walk.
She listens to his talk.
She waits and waits and waits.
She always waits for him.

Her day.
Her day to shine.
Her day to have the spotlight.
She needs it.
She needs it so much.

Intermission.
She approaches her audience.
She approaches her audience, her family,
She holds such a smile that it could suspend hearts.

So proud of herself.
She deserves it.
Hugs are welcoming her.
Kind words are extended from her young brood and her Fathers twin brother.

Intermission over.
More introductions.
More Music.
More music lead by a floating conductor.

A conductor that moved the music along with his wand.
Controlling the sounds.
Controlling the dance that music makes when instruments are put together.

She approaches the microphone.
This time without notes.
Her eyes shining.
She was so proud of herself.
Her voice was confident and full of passion.

She thought of her own parents as the words flowed from her lips
Flowed without a second thought.
The lump appears.
The lump that appears before tears was heard in her voice.
The lump that helps you swallow back the tears from your honest eyes
Down in her throat.

The lump.
I heard it.
It was in her voice.
For the song that was to be played next was her old HS "fight song."
A song that means alot to her and her entire family.
Due to History.
Due to Memories.

Meaningful.

Concert is over.
Floating Conductor approaches her.
Her and her proud and gleaming soul.
Gingerly hugs her a "thank-you-for-everything-goodbye."

Two eyes from the audience are cast down on her.
The one that she waits for.
The one that she shadows.

Was not proud.
Was silent.
Did not offer words of good will.

Silent.
Stealing her thunder.
Knocking down her moment to shine.
Taking her trophy of confidence and shattering it with his now frigid eyes.

Not Fair.
Not Fair to her.
Not Fair to everyone around her.
Those that encircle her.
We too see the agitation in her everythings eyes?

Uncomfortable.
Silent.
Aloof.
Mad??

All because of a hug?
A bid of good well wishings from an outsider.

My heart is crying now.
I can't tell him my thoughts.
That would be dishonorable.
That would be disrespectful.

But doesn't he see?
Where's his type of honor?
Where's his type of respect?

All because of a hug?

The day is now ruined.

My soul aches as the tears are suspended in my eyes.
Unable to fall for the one that did so well.
I Cannot show.
Show that it's obvious.
The behavior of him.

He doesn't know we see.
Or does he?
The hidden icicles freezing over his generous eyes.

Yet tomorrow after her tears have now dried
Dried tiny little hurts on her pillow,
She'll begin the shadowing just as usual
as the sun will rise.
As she waits and waits and waits....................

The torn.
I know he is good.
I know he is generous.
I know he is kind.
But he hurts her by his silence.

And my silence hurts me.

Welcome To Crustybeef~

Why G-d Why?

The Art of F & F

A very loyal reader of this blog commented on my dream Titled "Needed."
He asked for advice regarding an issue that he has been faced with. After thinking about it for some time I've decided to show my readers the art of Forgiving and Forgetting.

Take of it what you may, but take something from it. We've all hurt and we've all been hurt before. I hope this helps my fellow UD!! The UD that was extremely considerate to think of my Bigdogg and wish him a wonderful Passover.

That to me is INCREDIBLE!! We all do those special things in life that make people feel warm and fuzzy inside. The trick is to understand that everyone shows love, remorse and forgiveness in different ways.

What is forgiving and forgetting in a relationship?

1. Forgiving is allowing another person to be human for faults, mistakes, or misdeeds. Forgetting is putting these behind you; they are no longer brought up and no longer remain a barrier to your relationship.

2. Forgiving is letting another know that there is no grudge, hard feelings, or animosity for any wrongdoing. Forgetting is the lack of further discussion, with no ongoing negative references to the event.

3. Forgiving is letting the other person know that you accept as genuine the remorse and sorrow for actions or words that hurt or disappointed you. Forgetting is promising that this deed, whether of omission or commission, will not be brought up again.

4. Forgiving is accepting the sincerity of penance, sorrow, and regret expressed over a grievous personal offense; making it sufficient to clear the air. Forgetting is your commitment to let go of anger, hurt, and pain over this offense.

5. Forgiving is giving a sign that a person's explanation or acceptance of blame for a destructive, hurtful, or painful act is fully accepted. Forgetting is the development of a plan of action between the two of you to heal the scars resulting from the behavior.

6. Forgiving is the highest form of human behavior that can be shown to another person. It is the opening up of yourself to that person to be vulnerable to being hurt or offended in the future, yet setting aside this in order to reopen and heal the channels of communication. Forgetting is equally as high a human behavior; it is letting go of the need to seek revenge for past offenses.

7. Forgiving is the act of love between you and a person who has hurt you; the bandage that holds the wound together long enough to heal. Forgetting is also an act of love; in rehabilitation therapy, helping the wounded return to a full, functional, living reality.

8. Forgiving is the G-d like gift of spiritually connecting with others, touching their hearts to calm the fear of rejection, quiet the sense of failure, and lighten the burden of guilt. Forgetting is the G-d like gift of spiritually touching others' hearts with the reassurance of a happy and full life with no fear of recrimination, remonstrations, or reminding of past offenses.

9. Forgiving is the act of letting go of temporary ill will, disappointment, or the disgust that arises from the break in your relationship. Forgetting is bridging this gap in the relationship, eventually strengthening it against such a break in the future.

10. Forgiving is an act of compassion, humanity, and gentleness by which you let another know that they are indeed a child of the universe upon whom a variety of graces and blessings have been showered and that current or past offenses need not be a barrier preventing goodness and worth to shine through. Forgetting is the act of encouragement, support, and reinforcement by which you assist the other person to rebuild, reconnect and re-establish a loving, caring, healthy relationship with you, others, and the world whereby gifts, talents, and skills are freely appreciated and shared.

Negative consequences of the absences of forgiving and forgetting? Keep reading, you'll get the answers that you're seeking:
In the absence of forgiving and forgetting, the partners in a relationship run the risk of:
Continuously being hurt with pain and suffering going unresolved.
Unresolved guilt and remorse for offenses committed.
Chronically seeking revenge and paybacks from one another.
Being caught up in unresolved anger, animosity, and bitterness.
Defensive, self-protective, and distant behavior.
Blaming, negative and non-growth oriented behavior.
Being stuck in a battlefield stockpiled for future offensive attacks.
Being lost in a festering wound that never realizes the revitalization of healing.
Secretive and non-communicative behavior.
Fear over making a mistake or of having the mistake revealed.
Being overwhelmed by fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of non-approval, low self-esteem, fear of conflict.
High stress.

Signs of the absence of forgiving and forgetting
Lack of forgiving and forgetting in a relationship can result in:
Irreconcilable differences between people
Indifference toward one another
An emotional vacuum in which little or no emotions are shown or shared
Chronic attacks or angry outbursts
Addressing or interacting with one another disrespectfully
One-upmanship: competition as to who can out do whom in terms of eliciting sympathy, compassion, or understanding from outsiders
Seeking revenge from one another
Pitting the parties in the relationship against one another through coalitions and taking sides
Chronic recalling and reminding of past hurts and offenses
Suspicions about the others' motives, behavior, attitudes, beliefs
Chronic depression
Chronic hostility
Name calling, belittling and demeaning one another
Responding to present behavior as if they were past behavior
Unwillingness to change and/or unwillingness to seek the help necessary to change

Beliefs shared by people who refuse to forgive or forget:

I was hurt so much; how could you ever expect me to forgive and forget that.
I never deserved the treatment I received, and I do not believe that forgiving and forgetting is deserved in this situation.
I am sick because of that treatment; how can I ever forgive or forget that?
There are people who are inherently evil, and they are despicable. No forgiving or forgetting will ever change that.
People are vicious and cruel, and you always need to protect yourself because of that; so why try to forgive and forget what they have done.
It is a sign of weakness to forgive and forget.
It is just "giving in'' to the others' power and control to forgive and forget.
There are some things you can never forgive and forget.
I never forgive, I just get even.
Revenge is the best way to heal wounds.
Don't cross me and I won't cross you; but if you do cross me, watch out!
Only G-d can forgive and forget, though at times I don't believe He does either.
What has happened in my life is G-d's seeking revenge for all the evil I have done in the past.
I have done nothing for which I need to be forgiven.
You are just seeking my forgiveness so that you can come back and hurt me again.
You do not deserve any kindness, compassion or forgiveness for what you have done to me; I'll see to it that you are never able to forget it!
All people who do wrong deserve the worst life has to dish out.
I resent everyone who has hurt me, and I believe that this makes me a stronger person so that I will not be hurt again.
Anyone who could treat another person that way is undeserving of being forgiven, loved, or cared for.

The behaviors that you'll need to display to be able to forgive and forget-
In order to forgive and forget, you need to practice:
Letting go of past hurt and pain
Trusting in the goodness of mankind
Trusting in the goodness and mercy of G-d to take over for you
Letting go and letting G-d lead you during a hurtful time
Believing in G-d's infinite justice and wisdom
Letting go of fears for the future
Allowing yourself to be vulnerable to growth
Taking a risk
Letting go of hostility and resentment
Working out your anger
Reducing competition
Overlooking slight relapses or steps backward
Developing a personal spirituality
Developing an openness to the belief that people can change
Developing trust in others
Facing conflict head on, resolving it on the spot
Open, honest and assertive communication with others concerning hurts, pains, and offenses experienced
Recognizing your part or role in setting up hurtful experiences
Identifying and replacing the irrational beliefs that block your ability to forgive and forget

Steps to develop forgiving and forgetting in a relationship

Step 1: In order to increase your ability to forgive and forget, you need to recognize what this behavior involves. Perhaps by creating a journal for yourself with the following questions may help. Just remember to answer them honestly. After all, you can always burn the pages later.

a. What do you mean by "forgiving and forgetting in a relationship?''
b. Have you ever been forgiven in a relationship? How did it feel?
c. Has anyone ever brought up something from the past to remind you how you hurt a person? How did that make you feel?
d. What role do you feel forgiving and forgetting has in your relationships? How could you improve?
e. How has the absence of forgiving and forgetting affected your current relationships?
f. What are the signs of the absence of forgiving and forgetting in your relationship with your: (a) current family, (b) significant others, (c) spouse, (d) children, (e) parents, (f) relatives, (g) friends, (h) co-workers?
g. What beliefs block your ability to forgive and forget? What would be necessary to change these beliefs?
h. What new behavior do you need to develop in order to increase your ability to forgive and forget?
i. What role does the existence of spirituality play in your ability to forgive and forget? The lack of it?
j. Who do you need to forgive? What do you need to forget?

Step 2: Now that you have a better picture of what is involved in forgiving and forgetting, you are ready to extinguish blaming behavior.
Letting Go of the Blaming finger:
It is easy to point the finger of blame at others for the pain you have suffered.

This activity is intended to get you to point the finger of responsibility at yourself, to be better able to forgive and forget when you feel hurt by another's behavior. Answer the following questions in your journal:
(1) List an incident for which you are unable to forgive a person, and therefore are unable to forget.
(2) How much energy, creativity, problem solving capability, and focus on growth is sapped from you whenever you recall this hurt?
(3) What feelings come to your mind and body as you recall this hurt?
(4) How would you describe your role in this event? In what ways were you the victim, perpetrator, enabler, martyr, bystander, instigator, target, scapegoat, distracter, peacemaker, people pleaser, or rescuer?
(5) Why do you feel strongly over what happened and how you were treated?
(6) What did this event or happening do to your self-esteem?
(7) How dependent on others were you (or are you) to help you feel good about yourself? How positively self-affirming were or are you? Why do you need this person's affirmation to make you feel good about yourself? What beliefs about yourself were threatened by what happened to you? Reinforced?
(8) How willing are you to declare yourself independent of the need for others to reinforce you and make you feel good about yourself? What blocks you from declaring this independence? What fears do you have of letting go of the need for others to make you feel good about yourself? How does this relate to your inability to forgive or forget in whatever incident you're presently being faced with?
(9) What value is there in blaming the person listed for the hurt and pain experienced? How responsible are you for the feelings of hurt and pain? How do these feelings relate to your dependence on others to make you feel good about yourself? How do you control your feelings of pain and hurt? What would change in your feelings about this past incident if you accepted the responsibility for your own feelings and perceptions? How do your irrational beliefs interfere in your ability to resist blaming others for pain and hurt you experience?
(10) Look back at the past incident and the person involved; reframe your thinking and feelings about it:
Who was responsible for my reaction to the incident?
Who was responsible for my feelings about the incident?
Who was responsible for my inability to forgive the person involved?
Who is responsible for my inability to forget this incident?
How can I forgive the person involved?
How can I put this incident behind me?
How can I forgive myself for being dependent on others for feelings of being worthwhile and good?
How can I avoid being so hurt when something like this happens again?
What do I gain by blaming others for my feelings?
What can I do when I feel hurt and pain? Where does the finger of responsibility need to be pointed?

Step 3:Once you have learned how to let go of blaming in that one incident, repeat Step 2 addressing all the past or present incidents of hurt in which you need to forgive the people and forget the incidents.

Step 4: When you have exhausted your list of people you need to forgive and events you need to forget, you will be on the road to forgiving and forgetting in relationships. If you have problems in the future, return to Step 1 and begin again. Or, just send me a comment and I'll help you along without being triangled in the middle of it. Or do what crusty does, and seek professional help. Sometimes just talking with someone not related helps open up the eyes to growth and understanding.

Welcome to crustybeef~
As my lil sister said on Easter Sunday during our "EGG Therapy," the importance of having a forgiving nature is utmost.